09/09/2026
There is something humans do that I have become increasingly fascinated by.
When someone succeeds, we credit the system.
When someone doesn’t, we investigate the person.
Someone follows a particular business philosophy and becomes enormously successful.
See? This is how you become successful.
Someone undertakes a healing process and gets well.
See? This is how healing works.
Someone changes their thinking and their life changes.
See? Your thoughts create your reality.
Someone heals their attachment patterns and subsequently finds a wonderful relationship.
See? Do the work and you will attract healthy love.
But then another person follows the same prescription and doesn’t get the promised outcome.
And something very interesting happens.
We don’t necessarily turn around and examine the system.
We examine them.
What did you do wrong?
What haven't you healed?
Are you unconsciously resisting?
Do you have another block?
Is your mindset wrong?
Perhaps you aren't sufficiently aligned.
Perhaps you didn't believe enough.
Perhaps it isn't divine timing.
Perhaps your soul has something else planned.
There is nearly always another explanation available.
And once I saw the structure, I couldn’t unsee it.
Success becomes evidence that the system works.
Failure becomes evidence that something is wrong with the individual.
Heads, the system wins.
Tails, apparently you need another fu***ng session.
And that bothers me.
Not because I think systems are useless.
I have spent decades developing and using processes myself.
I have watched people change.
I have experienced things I cannot adequately explain.
I have observed patterns that I still think matter.
Some things appear to work remarkably well.
But I am no longer willing to make the leap from:
“This appears to help.”
to:
“Therefore this is universally how reality works.”
Those are very different claims.
And I am certainly no longer comfortable with:
“Therefore, if it didn’t work for you, we need to discover what is wrong with you.”
Maybe nothing is wrong with you.
Maybe your experience is telling us something about the limits of the system.
What a concept. 😮
I have started thinking about this whole structure as the Grail.
The ancient human hope that somewhere there is a hidden architecture, a set of rules, a key that will finally tell us:
Why this happened.
What it means.
What will happen next.
And what we need to do to obtain the outcome we want.
Religion has versions of it.
Spirituality has versions.
Psychology has versions.
Health and wellness have them.
Business has them.
Relationship advice has them.
Self-development is absolutely fu***ng swimming in them.
Do the work.
Heal.
Align.
Regulate.
Believe.
Optimise.
Understand.
Become sufficiently conscious.
Keep going.
Because perhaps the next thing you discover will finally be the thing.
And that is one hell of a treadmill.
Because the Grail appears to promise certainty while simultaneously giving us endless reasons to remain uncertain about ourselves.
Have I done enough?
What haven't I healed?
What am I missing?
Why hasn't it happened yet?
What am I doing wrong?
Another layer.
Another course.
Another practitioner.
Another explanation.
Another fu***ng key.
I have spent plenty of time on that treadmill myself.
And I have finally realised something.
I don't have to throw away everything I know or have experienced in order to get off it.
My way may help you.
It may help you enormously.
It may not help you at all.
If it doesn't, that doesn't automatically make you wrong.
And it doesn't necessarily make me wrong.
It may simply mean:
This particular way did not produce that particular outcome for this particular human in these particular circumstances.
Perhaps we should get curious about that.
Perhaps we should allow the exception to teach us something about the system instead of requiring the exception to become defective so the system can remain perfect.
So I have a new question when I encounter someone offering THE answer:
What does your system do with the person who doesn’t fit?
Does it become curious?
Can it admit uncertainty?
Can it examine its own assumptions?
Can it say, “I don't know why this didn't work for you”?
Or does it immediately start searching that person for the flaw required to preserve the certainty of the system?
Because these days, that tells me considerably more than the testimonials do.
I haven't given up curiosity.
I haven't given up mystery.
I haven't given up my understanding of interconnection, or the Great Weave.
I haven't decided nothing means anything or everything is random.
And good luck getting me to stop recognising patterns. 😂
What I have given up is the Grail.
The promise that if I understand enough, heal enough, know enough or do enough of the right things, I will eventually possess the operating manual that makes life predictable.
I can learn without requiring certainty.
I can influence without believing I control.
I can find meaning without claiming the meaning caused the experience.
I can use something because it appears useful without declaring it universally true.
And perhaps most importantly:
I will no longer make myself — or another human being — the problem simply because reality failed to obey somebody’s prescription.
A way can be valuable without being THE way.
And perhaps there is considerably more freedom in that than there ever was
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Link in the Bio
