10/09/2026
We talk a lot about asking someone, “Are you okay?”
We talk less about what to do when they look at you and say:
“Actually, no.”
For many people, that is the moment they become uncomfortable.
They want to say the right thing.
Fix the problem.
Offer advice.
Make the person feel better.
But you don’t need to solve someone’s mental health in one conversation.
You can start much more simply.
1. Stay with the conversation.
Try:
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Do you want to tell me what’s been happening?”
“I’m here. Take your time.”
Then listen without immediately trying to change how they feel.
2. Ask a few gentle questions.
“How long have you felt like this?”
“What’s been the hardest part?”
“Is there something in particular you’re struggling with?”
Sometimes being able to put what is happening into words is a significant first step.
3. Avoid rushing to reassurance.
“You’ll be fine.”
“Everyone goes through this.”
“Look at everything you have going for you.”
“You just need a break.”
These things are usually said with love.
But when someone is really struggling, they can make them feel as though they need to convince you that things are actually bad.
You don’t need to talk them out of how they feel.
You need to understand it.
4. Make the next step small.
Instead of asking, “What are you going to do about this?”
Try:
“Would you like me to help you book an appointment?”
“Should we call your GP?”
“Is there someone else you’d like us to involve?”
“Would it help if I stayed with you tonight?”
When someone is overwhelmed, even simple tasks can feel enormous. Practical help matters.
5. If you are worried about their safety, ask directly.
It is okay to ask:
“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
“Are you having thoughts of suicide?”
You are not putting the idea into their head by asking.
If they are in immediate danger, don’t leave them alone. Call 000.
Lifeline is also available 24 hours a day on 13 11 14.
6. Come back.
This may be the most important part.
Send the message tomorrow.
Ask how the GP appointment went.
Check in next week.
Because sometimes people receive a lot of care on the day they finally say they’re struggling, and then find themselves alone with it again a few days later.
You don’t need to be a mental health professional to make a difference.
You just need to listen, take what they tell you seriously, help them reach appropriate support and keep showing up.
This R U OK? Day, ask the question.
But also know what to do if the answer is no.
