04/03/2023
I’ve been having some pretty severe issues with with my health since early February last year. I’ve had a bunch of tests, but they haven’t quite worked out what’s going on yet.
When it started, my eyes were the first point of impact. And I spent 5 weeks being off screens, with no reading, no writing.
This was the worst bit: there was a 2 week period early on where I thought I had a degenerative eye disease that leads to blindness. And that was fu***ng terrifying.
I wondered how I’d live without my eyesight.
Would I learn braille? (Seemed like hard work)
Would I start to forget what specific colours looked like? (I hoped not)
Would I stop caring about wearing fun clothes? (maybe)
Would I learn to smell and feel the beach enough to give me the feeling of expansion and bliss that I normally get when I look at the ocean? (I kinda doubted it).
I cursed the universe and railed again this potential eventuality for quite a while. Obviously. And although it took a fair bit of time and every single bit of my spiritual muscle, I slowly, gradually began to make peace with the fact that blindness might be in my future.
I wasn’t happy about it, obviously. But I realised that I have a bunch of support, and I am strong and resilient, and that this DOES happen to people - and I’m people.
Why should I think that it can happen to them and not to me?
I also realised that no matter how much I fought it, if this was going to happen, then it was going to happen.
So yeah, I found a way to stop hating the universe and fighting what might or might not happen.
And then the very next day I was told that I wouldn't go blind..
Multiple optometrists and an opthamologist reassured me that my eyes are ‘healthy’, although none could explain my symptoms.
But isn’t it interesting that I had to stop fighting before I got the good news?
That’s usually how it goes. Fight and resist and the universe pushes back.
Allow and align, and the universe mirrors alignment.
Funny that.