15/12/2025
Why do I get the ick when someone treats me well?
In this video, I unpack a question I hear all the time in therapy and relationships:
Why does care, consistency, and emotional availability suddenly feel uncomfortable, or even repelling?
Through the lens of attachment theory, we explore how attraction isn’t just about chemistry, but about familiarity, nervous system conditioning, and early relational templates. For many people, being treated well can quietly activate fear, vulnerability, or old protective strategies rather than ease.
This isn’t about shaming the “ick.”
It’s about understanding it with compassion—and learning how secure connection can feel unfamiliar before it feels safe.
If this question hits close to home, you’re not broken. Your system is responding exactly as it was shaped to.
Attachment theory resources referenced / recommended:
• John Bowlby — Attachment and Loss
• Mary Ainsworth — attachment styles research
• Amir Levine & Rachel Heller — Attached
• Sue Johnson — Hold Me Tight
• Stan Tatkin — Wired for Love
Save this if it resonates, and share it with someone who’s ever said, “Why do I lose interest when things are actually good?”