17/06/2026
I grew up in an ever-changing household, raised on egg shells, drowning in cask wine and amnesia with parents who desperately tried to escape their childhoods of displacement, abstract poverty and racism.
There was grief that turned to rage and violence that no child should witness.
And through it all, I loved them all despite.
My dad and I had some strange soul bond that didn't even become clear to me until he died.
When I became so numb and at a loss for direction as I learned that I had been living for him.
When he died one of the main pillars of my system crumbled, It took years to work out who I was and realise that in its crumbling, a part of me was revealed that now held up my structure.
I tried to forget him. Trying to deal with his death, whilst dating someone who was just like him, whilst losing the show I was working on, ending my performance career in its peak and relocating back to Australia was too much at once.
Having to come to terms with the trauma and how it shaped me didn't have a place in the crumbling of my current existence. So I, like my family taught me, erased him.
A number of years later I came to realise that it wasn't working, pretending he didn't have a stake in my life was tomfoolery and more detrimental than I could understand.
I never committed to memory the date of his death, but he came to me in a dream the other night to remind me so harshly it has wrecked me for days.
It showed me he had not left and was stuck.
So I crafted a ceremony to call on my ascended ancestors to help him across.
And, I feel so much clearer.
I haven't cried the whole time I've been writing this, so that's a win!
I felt the shift.
We all laughed and celebrated as I gave them wine and sipped some too.
May we all forgive.
May we all know Peace.
š¼Weaving Our Lives - Alexa Sunshine Rose and friends