09/06/2026
Not often spoken about, yet one of the biggest impacts on people's lives.
Grief:
Including……
* Of a lost person, or pet
* Loss of a job, career, goal or business
* Associated with physical or mental health decline
* Of any form of relationship
* Associated with all kinds of trauma or bad experiences or tragedy
* Loss of sense of self
* Collective grief - with a group of people
* Compounded grief - Multiple forms at once eg: Divorce, loss of extended family and friend
* Relationships due to divorce, loss of financial stability through divorce
Many people don't know how to manage grief themselves, and therefore feel unequipped to help others. There also seems to be unwritten expectations on how people should cope though. To "push
through" in order to work, and carry on as if life is normal. People avoid asking questions through fear of upsetting people, or feeling unskilled to hold space for others.
In NSW a permanent employee can take 2 days paid compassionate leave for a bereavement of an immediate family member, a miscarriage or a stillborn baby.
As a family of now 3, we have had our fair share of grief. It didn't fit into a neat 2 day box, that’s for sure.
We dealt with compounded grief. Within 2 weeks we lost our family dog, then someone very close who wasliving with us. And Covid had just hit, so we were grieving family and friends in NZ more due to no travel. On top of the instability that Covid bought with lockdowns, no school or work and
not knowing when it would end.
In true Nikki style - I became an expert on grief in our home.
I read lots, followed experts online, listened to podcasts, and I helped my two children cope with all their questions and mixed feelings. David Kessler was a go to - all 3 of us read his book called "Finding Meaning". Two of us chose to talk to a psychologist. One journaled. I implemented lots of little meaningful "feel good"things that were good reminders of our loved person and pet.
We sat in the messiness of grief. We were kind to each other, ourselves, and others. We did things to make us feel better. I am proud of how resilient and grounded we now are.
There is no rule book on how to grieve but there are effective tools to help someone move with the grief. It affects everyone differently.
I do know that pain and sadness subsides somewhat with time.
Also that you don’t "get over it"; but instead learn to live with it.
Personally I think we 3 live with more intention and gratitude nowadays.
The person we lost sits on my shoulder guiding all work I do in the mental health space, to help deliver the support and help they never received.
If you or someone in your personal or professional life is living with any kind of grief, the biggest thing you can offer is time to listen. There are also fabulous organisations out there, and amazing self help tools.
A great way to gain skills and knowledge is by doing a Mental Health First Aid course!
