19/05/2026
Something I’ve become more aware of as the years go by, and as I keep surviving things I genuinely didn’t know I was capable of surviving, is this:
Compassionately forgiving yourself changes the way you forgive other people.
Not in a “everything is okay” kind of way. More in a human way.
I forgive myself for not knowing things before I experienced them. I forgive myself for making decisions from the level of awareness, safety, fear, love, and survival skills I had at the time. Every version of me was ultimately trying to survive, stay safe, keep a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and some sense of connection to other people.
Sometimes survival gets messy. Relationships get messy. Trauma gets messy. People get intertwined with our identity, our grief, our hope, our future. Life can become very confusing when you’re trying to heal while also trying to live.
But I think part of growth is becoming willing to move through life differently once you become aware of your patterns.
One thing I’ve had to confront within myself is that, almost 10 years ago, I developed this unconscious belief that my success, joy, creativity, and happiness were pointless if certain people weren’t around to witness it with me.
So I stopped fully choosing myself.
I stopped giving myself permission to succeed. I got in my own way. I abandoned parts of myself before anyone else even had the chance to.
And that grief runs deeper than I realised.
I’m also learning that “good enough” can mean different things to different people. Someone can love you deeply and still not love you in the specific way your heart understands love. That doesn’t make either person bad. It just means people experience connection differently.
My last relationship taught me a lot about love, attachment, grief, forgiveness, self-abandonment, and what it means to truly witness another person while also learning how to witness yourself.
And despite the pain, I’ll always be grateful for that.
Some people enter your life to comfort you. Some enter to challenge you. Some quietly redirect the entire course of your life without either of you fully realising it at the time.
Lately I’ve been learning that healing isn’t becoming a completely different person.
It’s learning how to stop abandoning yourself while you’re busy loving everybody else. 💕
