28/08/2026
Helping Kids Fail by Failing to Help.
My wish for this school year is that every child walking into their school building feels like they belong. I want them to feel that they can be their authentic selves and not have to conform to fit some mold. If they struggle, I want them to feel supported by the people who are there to teach them, not judged that they 'made a bad choice', are 'avoiding work' or 'seeking negative attention'.
My concern is that, once again, many kids will face the same old behavior plans and token systems to force compliance, and the same carrots and sticks that teach young children that praise is conditional.
Many kids, ESPECIALLY neurodivergent kids, will be exposed to these behavior systems very quickly at the start of school. Instead of being curious about WHY they're having difficulty, they will be seen as defiant, or non-compliant, and the adults will use their energy and power to try and "modify" their behavior. Often, the adults will assume its a motivation issue and be convinced that if they just motivate the student with extrinsic rewards, they'll be fine. That thinking is incorrect. They may assume that a concerning behavior was volitional, that it was a 'choice' the student made, and that a consequence is necessary. That mindset won't solve a single problem.
While we continue to try and modify their behavior without solving the underlying problem, the student will CONTINUE to struggle and CONTINUE to fail to meet expectations.
Or...
We can help them!
Help them solve a Problem
Help them navigate an Emotion
Help them meet a Need or
Help them learn a Skill they don't have or can't access.
If we don't HELP them, we set them up for failure. Kids don't want to fail. Kids want to do well. If we help them proactively instead of focusing on modifying their behavior, not only will the students have the best chance to do well, but all the behavior "management" systems will be unnecessary!
How long do kids have to struggle or fail before we help them?
