11/06/2026
I was perusing the web when I came across a comment about chivalry, posted by a woman, and they had an interesting perspective which gave me pause to contemplate (I mean, what doesnāt š¤)
Her perspective was that women demand chivalry, yet under mine men that are chivalrous by saying āchivalry is deadā. The essence of the observation is that this is to make men work harder at being respectful, compassionate, and honest, but also subservient.
I find it interesting that there are codes of conduct around the world that men have devised and followed with religious zeal - stoicism, bushido, and chivalry (bro code?) - but Iām yet to find one specific to women. This raises the question of why men need a set of rules to guide their actions, while women donāt see the need - perhaps because society imposes so many they donāt need any more
Iām not going to deny the patriarchy has had its time in the sun, and that things need to change. The whole men v women narrative needs to end as well if we are going to move forward together, and while women have been been subjected to all manner of atrocities, itās important to remember that the newer generation are cycle breakers and shouldnāt be held accountable for what men did generations ago
No one should be held accountable for anotherās actions or words
Marcus Aurelius made a point of saying that there is nothing we can do about outside events, we can only work on our own conduct through mindfulness, discipline, and respect. When we have these things, we find worth in who we are, so money, fame, loveā¦and all these desires lose their hold on us, because we become whole.
The misunderstanding with chivalry is that it makes men simps to women - opening doors, carrying women over puddles, killing offending bugs - when in actuality it empowers men to be authentic and true to themself. These codes focus on the more noble qualities of the masculine divine - discipline, compassion, integrity, courage, honesty, humility, and respect - these are the things that all people, men or woman, should hold in the highest regard.
The confusion seems to revolve around what is nice and what is kind.
Everyone has an agenda - their actions and words are usually in an effort to gain something they perceive to be of value. Lots of us want to be financially independent, popular, ripped - these are goals and not really the agenda. The actual agenda is to be safe, loved, and acceptedā¦these other things are just a means to those ends.
Nice people do things in a transactional manner. They do the things other people want in order to get the love and attention they so desperately desire. Itās inauthentic and manipulative. These nice people do not come to a relationship with strength, because it is they that crave love and support to heal
Kind people do good deeds because theyāre the right thing, and it is these codes of conduct that help to remove extraneous agendas (s*x, wealth, fameā¦) and place the aim on adherence to the code - following the code is the agenda š«” This is the way!
What āpeopleā see or experience of men following these codes is someone that is in their own power and will not tolerate being disrespected, and any violation of these 7 principles š isnāt to be tolerated. Because they have higher standards these men can be seen as arrogant, conceited, and arseholes.
An āarseholeā is usually someone that says āNo!ā to us or tells us a truth we donāt want to hear, so when someone doesnāt just nod along and agree to what we want, we often dislike them (that is if we canāt entertain an alternate perspective without being offended). The idea of chivalry being dead is a notion reserved to that of the fanciful knight in shining armour, that does anything to prove his love for his lady - itās limerence - a Disney fairy tale designed to neuter men and women.
Women donāt need a man to save them
Men donāt have to save women to be loved
Men have a whirlwind of emotions flowing through them from an early age, and while some are taught to tame it, others are permitted to let it rule them - the bad boys - and itās this unchecked primal power that attracts womenā¦until they learn itās actually unstable and unsafe. And after years of trying to chase and tame these savages, women often come to realise it was the kind, balanced and somewhat boring guys that are actually safe.
The ones they friend zoned š¤Ø
As women continue to embrace their power itās important that men keep step, not in competition or to claim credit for allowing it to happen, but in order to be our best to support them - to be safe and accepting. We are all striving for authenticity, honesty, communication, respect, and it wonāt be achievable or sustainable if we continue with the self serving agendas, games of deceit, or self deception.
Chivalry isnāt dead - In fact I think itās coming back with a vengeance
Be kind to yourself š„°šš
