17/06/2025
In November 2021, we welcomed and then lost our beautiful firstborn son, a shock and a trauma that showed me the absolute darkest point in my life so far. Nothing could have prepared me for this kind of pain, the darkness, the never-ending questions, the suddenly felt anxiety, the loneliness, the feeling of losing ground, and myself.
And even though time has passed and we have welcomed two other children in the meantime, I am not "over it." I had to and am still learning to live with a hole in my heart that will never be filled again. The flashbacks, the sudden heart races, the pain are still there, hitting me when at least expected. Because truth is: Grief comes in waves and is never linear. It is complex and doesn't only affect your mood, your thoughts, and your emotions, but it also impacts your body, your relationships, your work, your finances, your beliefs.
Shortly after Marley's death, when we hit rock bottom, we were looking for a therapist to help us find some ground again. After two sessions, though, we realised that words simply aren't enough. The story, Marley's story, our story, played on repeat all day and followed us into our dreams. We needed something different. And while I have a big toolbox of tried practices from many years of teaching and training in yoga, yoga therapy, health and fitness, Somatic Experiencing, and mindfulness, none of these practices were originally accessible and helpful to me. The only thing that helped me walk through this darkness was being in nature.
In this raw and authentic podcast conversation, Kit and I talk about my journey, about grief, loss, and hope, about helpful skills and practices, and new beginnings.
If you know anyone who could find this conversation helpful, please feel free to share. It is my hope that it will help someone else who experiences a similar kind of pain right now.
Link in bio.
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