19/08/2026
In 2019 I underwent chemo and radiation for cervical cancer. While it's not something I usually share here, the experience seems relevant because it profoundly changed the way I work and how I understand grief.
Prior to this, grief seemed like something that followed loss, mostly after death. But facing a life threatening illness taught me that grief can begin long before something is actually gone.
After the shock of the diagnosis, I began to grieve the life I thought I would have. I had lost my sense of safety and trust in my body. I grieved the person I was before that call - the fit, vibrant, fertile and supposedly healthy one who had hope for her future. I grieved the fact that I had lost the chance to know motherhood and that I would be catapulted into premature menopause before my time. I still can't look at photos in the same way as, in my mind. my life is divided into 'before' and 'after'. That woman didn't know what was coming.
Then there was the grief that comes with sudden uncertainty - the loss of the idea that tomorrow will look much like today and the innocence that comes with that.
The hardest part is that most of these losses are invisible to everyone else.
I've continued this reflection in the comments...
