08/26/2026
Fourteen Years and My Heart
At 9:10 tonight it will have been fourteen years . . .
Time is such a strange friend when it comes to love and loss. I never really know how it will knock on my door. Every year comes and goes and the scent of Georg remains. I’m not really sure how that works but I can still smell him . . . the brain holds the strangest things.
So much time has passed but there are still times when I can’t believe he’s gone. Maybe he’s returned and I’ve held him as a baby, or maybe I’ve walked past him on the street and he smiled from his stroller, and maybe he isn’t near me but we’re breathing the same air, or maybe there’s something else I haven’t considered. The fact is don’t know and I’m okay with that.
What I know is he walks with me, and he seems to be scattered all over the globe in so many beautiful ways. People email me and say they had a dream about him, they tell me they listened to one of his audios and felt like he was sitting with them, or they watched a documentary with him in it, or did a training or workshop where his name came up, or they read a book and feel so connected to him. How can that be? He’s dead, but also still very alive. At the end of the day it means he’s everywhere and that warms my heart.
People who are closest to me know that I morph this time of year as my body and mind fold into itself for comfort and ease. My heart aches in both painful and beautiful ways, my body becomes tired, and physical stillness takes over as I am guided to feel to a depth I haven’t felt before. It feels healing, creative, painful, and joy-filled all in one. I feel content to “just be” in the moment of grief as it washes through me over and over again.
*more in comments*