01/04/2025
Hello, I’m a people pleaser 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻. The thought of making someone happy? It’s like a rush of joy I can’t resist. I love helping, saying yes, and being the person others can count on.
But and it’s a big but, sometimes, that “yes” comes at the expense of my own time, energy, or even family. And then, halfway through, I’m left feeling overwhelmed—or worse—resentful. Not because I don’t care, but because I’ve overcommitted myself… again.
The difference now? I pause.
Part of this shift has been understanding the deeper “why.” For me, people-pleasing isn’t just about kindness; it’s a behavior shaped by past experiences. Like many, I grew up in environments where keeping the peace, being useful, or making others happy felt safe. Knowing this doesn’t excuse overcommitting—but it does make me more compassionate with myself.
Now, I’m working on being both trauma-aware and trauma-responsive—pausing to ask:
• “Am I saying yes because I truly want to, or because it feels safer?”
• “What’s the cost of this yes—for me, my family, my time?”
• “Can I say no kindly and still feel connected?”
It’s not easy. That urge to please is still there. But being aware of it—and responding intentionally—has been a game changer. Pausing gives me space to make choices that align with my values and priorities. And when I do say yes, it’s because I really mean it.
To anyone else navigating this: you’re not alone. Being kind to others doesn’t mean you can’t be kind to yourself too.
