Katie Palframan Counselling

Katie Palframan Counselling EMDRIA Certified EMDR therapist, individual and couples counselling available in North Bay. Virtual/phone sessions available across ON

Growth is ongoing. And apparently sometimes it feels like crap.. šŸ˜‚Full disclosure: Lately, I’ve been struggling emotiona...
09/02/2026

Growth is ongoing. And apparently sometimes it feels like crap.. šŸ˜‚

Full disclosure: Lately, I’ve been struggling emotionally…. Which feels strange to say because on paper this should be a really exciting time for me. I recently became an EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist — something I worked really hard for and genuinely wanted.

And instead of suddenly feeling like, ā€œYep. I know what I’m doing now.ā€ My brain basically went: BUT DO YOU THOUGH?! šŸ‘€

Hello, imposter syndrome.

So naturally, I responded by taking on a ton of trainings, reading more, learning more, looking into more approaches and trying to figure out what else I could do to become better at my job.

And then today, during a parts-informed EMDR training… something clicked.

There’s been this feeling sitting in my chest lately that I haven’t really been able to name.. And suddenly I could..
ā€œAm I doing okay?ā€

That’s the question. That’s the tightness in my chest. And then came the exhale and tears I didn’t realize I needed..

The more I sat with it, the more I realized… holy šŸ’©

There is a part of me that asks that question constantly 🚨

Am I doing okay as a therapist?
Am I doing okay as a mom?
Am I doing okay in my relationship?
Am I doing okay financially?
Am I doing enough?
Learning enough?
Helping enough?

And I’m realizing that this part drives me WAY more than I ever understood.

I have absolutely no idea where I’m going with that yetā€¦šŸ˜‚
I don’t have a beautiful therapeutic conclusion or a neat little bow to put around it at this point.. But I’m curious.

And I’ll probably dive into it, because there’s something I want on the other side of that question. I want to trust myself. Not because I’ll always get everything right. Not because I’ll always be doing ā€œokay.ā€ But because I want to know that even when I’m not doing okay, THAT is okay… I genuinely want to feel that.

Maybe growth isn’t reaching some point where you finally have yourself completely figured out. Maybe sometimes it’s just noticing the question you’ve been unconsciously answering your whole life and finally getting curious about why you keep asking it. ā¤ļø

Sometimes the part of you questioning yourself, your choices, your life…  isn’t a part that is actually living in the pr...
08/28/2026

Sometimes the part of you questioning yourself, your choices, your life… isn’t a part that is actually living in the present 🤯

One of the things I appreciate about ego-state work and why I use it as part of the stabilization phase of EMDR, is that it gives people a different way of understanding internal conflict.

I will explain this using a personal example. Recently, I noticed an older part of me becoming very LOUD šŸ˜–.

That part was questioning choices I’ve made in my current life. It carried old attachment wounds, old longings, grief, and emotions connected to a version of myself that existed years ago šŸ‘»

And for a moment, those feelings felt very present 😳

But instead of treating my feelings as instructions or signs to make changes in my life today, I got ✨CURIOUS ✨ about them.

What part of me is feeling this?

How old does this part feel? (Like is this a childish part throwing a tantrum😔, a rebelling teenager part 😈, a complete disconnected ā€˜I don’t give a $&@! part? šŸ˜¶ā€šŸŒ«ļø)…

What is this part actually needing?

And what does the grounded, adult, PRESENT DAY version of me know now?

What I realized was that I didn’t actually need to undo the healthy choices I’ve made in my present life.

An older part of me needed something else entirely:

She needed permission to grieve.. Let go šŸ•Šļø

I also realized that, in some ways, I have been avoiding that grief for years. I had moved forward, built a life, made healthier choices and assumed moving forward meant I was finished with all that past stuff.

But healing doesn’t always work that neatly.. in fact, it’s hardly ever linear in my experience. 🄓

Sometimes we can know we made the right decision and still grieve what we know is not meant for us.

We can miss something without needing it back and recognizing it wasn’t exactly good for us.

We can honour who we were without allowing that version of ourselves to make decisions for who we are today.

And we can let an old attachment wound hurt without interpreting that pain as evidence that something is wrong with our present day life.

That is part of what ego-state work can help us do… understand the complexity of our human experience in a wholesome way šŸ§©ā¤ļø

In EMDR or any therapy really, stabilization isn’t simply about learning how to ā€œcalm down.ā€ It can also involve developing deep internal awareness and getting used to SAFETY… to finally notice the different parts of ourselves that carry fear, grief, anger, shame, longing or unmet attachment needs.. and understand and love every single one of them šŸ‘„

Instead of pushing those parts away or letting them take over completely, we learn to approach them with curiosity and compassion ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹

There is something incredibly powerful about allowing your grounded adult self to hold compassion for the versions of you who survived things differently.

Integration isn’t erasing or shaming those parts.

It’s helping them realize they aren’t alone anymore, they are not defined by the bad things that happened to them, and that they were always enough šŸ¤

— Katie Palframan, MSW, RSW
Katie Palframan Counselling & Psychotherapy

Sometimes finding inner peace looks less like sitting perfectly still… and more like doing a ridiculous yoga pose in the...
08/22/2026

Sometimes finding inner peace looks less like sitting perfectly still… and more like doing a ridiculous yoga pose in the middle of the woods. šŸ˜‚šŸŒ²

But there’s something important underneath it.

When life feels chaotic, our nervous system can get loud. The amygdala is designed to detect threat and protect us and when it’s running the show, everything can feel urgent. We react quickly. We catastrophize. We make decisions from fear, anger, panic, or the need to make the discomfort stop.

Slowing down gives us the opportunity to notice: Is this actually me making this decision, or is a protective part of me responding to what it thinks is danger?

In my practice, I emphasize the importance of recognizing that different parts of us can carry different fears, beliefs, wounds, and protective strategies. Those parts aren’t the enemy. They often developed for very good reasons.

But they don’t always need to drive.

Grounding creates enough space to listen without immediately reacting. To notice what our body is telling us. To separate an old alarm from a present-day truth. To ask ourselves what we actually know, what we actually need, and what feels aligned with who we are now.

That’s where self-trust grows.

Inner peace isn’t a life without chaos. It’s learning how to find yourself within the chaos.. and trusting that the loudest voice inside you isn’t always the truest one. šŸŒæšŸ’•

The recent news affecting workers across Northern Ontario has had me thinking a lot about something we don’t talk about ...
08/22/2026

The recent news affecting workers across Northern Ontario has had me thinking a lot about something we don’t talk about enough:

Job loss is a mental health event, too.

When someone unexpectedly loses their job, they may be losing much more than an income.

Work can represent routine, identity, purpose, relationships, financial security, benefits, future plans, and a sense of stability. When several of those things disappear at once, the emotional impact can be significant.

There can be grief. Anger. Fear. Uncertainty. Shame. And an overwhelming shock that sounds like ā€œWhat am I supposed to do now?ā€

These aren’t overreactions. They’re human responses to a major and unexpected life transition.

Times like these are also a reminder that we can always do better at recognizing the people behind major organizational and economic changes. Regardless of why change happens, compassion matters. Communication matters. Mental health support matters. And how we show up for people while their lives are changing matters.

For anyone in our community navigating unexpected employment changes right now: give yourself permission to acknowledge that this is a loss. Lean on the people around you. Reach out for support when you need it.

And as a community, let’s remember that sometimes the most important thing we can do is make sure people don’t have to navigate difficult transitions alone.

We can always do better at taking care of each other.

EMDR is more than eye movements šŸ‘€One of the biggest misconceptions about EMDR therapy is that you walk into a session, i...
08/11/2026

EMDR is more than eye movements šŸ‘€

One of the biggest misconceptions about EMDR therapy is that you walk into a session, immediately start thinking about your worst memory, and jump into processing.

That’s not how GOOD EMDR therapy works.

EMDR is an 8-phase therapy approach, and a lot happens before, during, and after reprocessing.

Phase 1: History Taking & Treatment Planning
We get to know what’s bringing you to therapy, what you’ve experienced, what’s happening now, and what you want to change. Together, we begin identifying experiences that may be connected to current symptoms or patterns.

Phase 2: Preparation & Stabilization
Before processing trauma, we make sure you understand what EMDR is, what you can tolerate emotionally/how you experience your emotions… especially for those of you who claim to be ā€œnot an emotional personā€ šŸ˜‰, what your benefits and risks of doing EMDR are, and develop resources and strategies to help you stay grounded and manage distress. Depending on the person, this phase can be brief or it can take time. If your nervous system is already in crisis, I am not about to open Pandora’s box of the past and add more distress without adequate and SAFE tolerance development šŸ’Ŗ

Phase 3: Assessment
We identify the specific memories or experiences we’re working with, including the image, negative belief, emotions and body sensations connected to it.

Phase 4: Desensitization
This is the part people usually think of as ā€œEMDR.ā€ Using bilateral stimulation, we allow the brain to process the memory and the thoughts, emotions, sensations and associations connected to it.

Phase 5: Installation
We strengthen a more adaptive positive belief.. something that feels true NOW, rather than the belief that became attached to the original experience.

Phase 6: Body Scan
Trauma isn’t only experienced through thoughts. We check the body for any remaining tension, discomfort or activation connected to the memory.

Phase 7: Closure
You don’t just get sent out the door activated.. we want to land that plane safely! We make sure you’re adequately grounded before ending the session and use containment or other strategies when needed.

Phase 8: Reevaluation
At the next session, we check back in. What changed? What came up between sessions? Does the memory still feel disturbing? This helps determine where we go next.

✨ EMDR isn’t about erasing what happened.

The goal is for the past to feel like the past—something you can remember without your nervous system responding as though it’s still happening. It doesn’t mean you’re a robot with no emotions and it doesn’t mean you remember it fondly, but at very least you can acknowledge the past while no longer being directed by it šŸ’•šŸ™‚

I’m so excited to share that I’m officially an EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist! šŸŽ‰šŸ„³This certification represents much mor...
08/01/2026

I’m so excited to share that I’m officially an EMDRIA Certified EMDR Therapist! šŸŽ‰šŸ„³

This certification represents much more than completing a training. It reflects a commitment to ongoing learning, consultation, clinical supervision, and providing trauma therapy that meets the standards established by the EMDR International Association (EMDRIA).

Becoming EMDRIA Certified required:
• Completing an EMDRIA-approved Basic Training
• Gaining extensive experience providing EMDR therapy
• Participating in advanced consultation with EMDRIA Approved Consultants
• Demonstrating competency in EMDR through consultation and case review
• Continuing to deepen my understanding of trauma, attachment, dissociation, the complexity of trauma work and the nervous system.

I chose to pursue certification because EMDR has become a true love of my life. I can’t even begin to describe the growth and transformation I’ve seen in my clients who choose to do this hard, important, courageous work. I am so committed to continually refining my skills in this approach, practicing ethically, and staying current with the evolving science of trauma treatment.

To everyone who has trusted me with your healing journey, thank you. It is an honour to do this work alongside you.

I’m also incredibly grateful to the mentors, consultants, and colleagues who have challenged, encouraged, and supported me throughout this journey. Your knowledge, guidance, and generosity have shaped me into a better clinician than I could have become on my own.

This milestone isn’t the finish line! It is another step in a lifelong commitment to learning and providing the highest quality trauma-informed care I can.. I’ve already began mapping my next goal on this road and I couldn’t be more excited 🄰

Here’s to continuing to grow, learn, and help people heal.

Have you ever noticed how one part of you wants one thing while another part wants the exact opposite?One part wants to ...
07/16/2026

Have you ever noticed how one part of you wants one thing while another part wants the exact opposite?

One part wants to leave the relationship.
Another part wants to stay.

One part wants to set boundaries.
Another is terrified of disappointing people.

One part knows you need to rest.
Another tells you you’ve done nothing to deserve it and rest is for the weak.

One part wants to heal.
Another avoids feelings, numbs, stays busy, and changes the subject.

This is part of the human experience. We all have different parts of ourselves that developed throughout our lives. They took on their own roles, formed beliefs, have their own experiences. Some parts carry stories of hurt, rejection, fear, or overwhelm.. others carry stories of accomplishment, empowerment, fierceness, perseverance. The one thing they all have is common is that they all learned to keep us safe in the ways they knew how.. good or bad. They helped us survive.

None of them are your enemy.

They’re just trying to protect something much more vulnerable beneath the surface.

In therapy, we don’t try to silence these parts or force them to disappear. We get to know them. We seek to understand what they’re protecting, appreciate how hard they’ve worked, and help them realize they don’t have to carry the weight alone anymore. We work with all the parts to finally feel safe enough to work together… and that, is a beautiful thing to witness šŸ’•

Father’s Day through many lenses.. Father’s Day can mean many different things.For some, it’s a day of celebration. A ch...
06/21/2026

Father’s Day through many lenses..

Father’s Day can mean many different things.

For some, it’s a day of celebration. A chance to honour a father, stepfather, grandfather, partner, or father figure who showed up with love, consistency, and care.

For others, today carries complexity, anger, sadness, pain or grief. And for some, Father’s Day is a day they would rather avoid altogether.

If that’s you, that’s okay too.

Avoidance often gets a bad reputation, but sometimes it serves a purpose. Sometimes it is the nervous system’s way of helping us get through a difficult day when we don’t yet have the capacity to sit with everything it brings up. There is no prize for forcing yourself to feel more than you can safely hold.

Whether today feels joyful, heartbreaking, complicated, numb, triggering, or simply like another Sunday, your experience matters.

In my work, I often see the ways relationships with caregivers continue to shape us long after childhood. I also see the incredible resilience of people who choose to heal, break cycles, and create something different for the next generation.

Today, may you honour whatever is true for you.

Celebrate if you feel called to celebrate.
Grieve if grief is present.
Rest if you need rest.
Avoid if that’s what feels safest today.

There is room for all of it.

ā¤ļø Happy Father’s Day to those celebrating, and gentleness to those who are carrying something heavier today. ā¤ļø

Not everyone who has experienced trauma presents the same way.Some people can access difficult memories, stay grounded i...
06/18/2026

Not everyone who has experienced trauma presents the same way.

Some people can access difficult memories, stay grounded in the present, and move through processing relatively smoothly.

Others may experience what we call structural dissociation: A common adaptation in people who have experienced chronic, developmental, attachment, or complex trauma. These individuals may feel disconnected from emotions, memories, body sensations, needs, or even parts of themselves. They may describe feeling numb, ā€œnot really here,ā€ confused by their reactions, or like different parts of them want different things.

When structural dissociation is present, trauma treatment requires careful assessment, pacing, and preparation. I cannot stress this point enough.

This is one reason why EMDR is not simply a technique or tool to apply with everyone on a whim. It is a comprehensive therapy approach that requires clinicians to understand nervous system regulation, dissociation, attachment, and the ways trauma can impact the organization of the self.

For some people, moving too quickly into trauma work and processing can be overwhelming and even harmful, rather than healing.

As someone working in this field, my responsibility isn’t just to help people heal.. it’s to ensure I am doing so SAFELY.

This is why I’m currently completing additional advanced training focused on working with complex trauma and dissociation. The more I learn, the more concrete I am that proper assessment, stabilization, and case conceptualization are essential parts of ethical trauma treatment.

Healing isn’t about moving fast.. It’s about moving at the pace the nervous system can safely integrate.

šŸ’—šŸ’—šŸ’—Lately I’ve been doing a lot of pondering on relationships in our world today.. We live in a world where divorce is a...
06/15/2026

šŸ’—šŸ’—šŸ’—
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of pondering on relationships in our world today..

We live in a world where divorce is almost expected. The biggest myth about long-term relationships in my eyes is that if you’ve found ā€œthe right person,ā€ it should just work 🄓

Well.. the truth is that relationships require ongoing growth, reflection, repair, and intentional effort from both partnersšŸ§šŸ§šŸ’•

In attachment-focused couples work, we often discover that relationship distress isn’t just about communication problems. It’s about two people bringing their histories, fears, wounds, needs, and patterns into the relationship. Over time, those patterns can either pull partners closer together or further apart.

One thing I see often is that one partner begins doing personal growth work while the other remains stagnant. This isn’t about asking someone to become a different person or change. It’s about asking each other to age intentionally, remain curious about themselves, and continue evolving throughout life.

ā€¼ļøGROWTH SHOULD NOT STOP WHERE THE RELATIONSHIP BEGINS ā€¼ļø

And neither should the work.

Our culture often encourages us to chase the next thing: the next purchase, the next achievement, the next exciting experience, the next relationship. When happiness fades or relationships become difficult, it can feel natural to assume the answer lies somewhere else. And don’t get me wrong.. Sometimes leaving is absolutely the healthiest choice because love is NOT growing in places that abuse lives.

The excitement of new love is powerful. The novelty, chemistry, and possibility can feel intoxicating. But every relationship eventually transitions from excitement to attachment. From passion to partnership. From discovery to deeper intimacy.

The questions then become:

1. Can we stay connected and attuned when the relationship requires effort instead of adrenaline?

2. Can we turn toward each other when old wounds get activated?

3. Can we continue growing alongside one another instead of growing apart?

Healthy long-term love isn’t found… It’s built 🧱

Again and again and again šŸ’—

🌱

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