07/03/2026
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 💙
BREAKING: First Step Men’s Therapy Signs LeBron James as Senior Associate Therapist
Ontario, Canada — In what insiders are calling “the biggest free-agent signing of the summer,” First Step Men’s Therapy (FSMT) has officially announced the signing of LeBron James as its newest Senior Associate Therapist, pending completion of orientation, PHIPA training, and figuring out JaneApp.
“LeBron has spent over two decades helping people perform under pressure, navigate adversity, and lead through challenges,” said FSMT Founder Adam Gelinas. “We figured the transition to helping clients work through anxiety, burnout, and relationship concerns was the obvious next step.”
According to league… sorry, clinic sources, the deal includes:
* A lifetime supply of coffee during supervision.
* Mandatory documentation completed within 24 hours.
* No special treatment for late cancellations.
* A strict policy against chasing down every loose basketball in the office hallway.
LeBron is expected to split his time between virtual sessions, mentoring new associates, and reminding clients that asking for help is a sign of strength—not weakness.
When asked why he chose FSMT over several competing offers, LeBron reportedly replied:
“At this stage of my career, I wanted to focus on making an impact off the court. Plus, their team culture was elite.”
The clinic confirmed LeBron will not be accepting clients until he has completed all regulatory requirements, although demand for consultations has already exceeded expectations.
FSMT reminds the public that mental health, unlike free agency, isn’t about finding the perfect team—it’s about taking the first step.
Disclaimer: This announcement is entirely fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. LeBron James has not joined FSMT… although we’d happily save him a seat at orientation.