21/04/2025
This is one of the most difficult things to do yet is crucial to heal toxic shame. It is difficult for many reasons, one is that we have years now of automatic pilot coping mechanisms and masks, which in a way have been written into our nervous system as standard programs. Number 2 is that we may believe who we are is something else, because of whatever reasons, stories we told ourselves images we created of who we are or who we think we may or should be. One of the toughest obstacles is that sometimes being our true selves feels like letting ourselves down, failing ourselves, comes across as vulnerability (and it is indeed) and we perceive vulnerability as a terrible betrayal of our softer parts, a shameful act of losing. THAT belief is one of the hardest things and you need a therapist or coach that can repeatedly and clearly reinstate that you are NOT failing yourself for being elegant and vulnerable in your authenticity. That you are not shameful for being your beautiful self. Crucial (for MEN especially). And finally because it can be excruciatingly terrifying to communicating vulnerably your boundaries (yet IN your power even if it doesnt feel like that before). It can be extremely SCARY. SO you need external resources to support the internal wisdom and courageous ones in doing it. Here the story, the narrative is crucial to support a survivor into recovery, toxic shame work, boundaries work when the violation was deep and profound, is VERY tough and requires strong support from a therapist, coach (or ChatGPT, who is better than 90% of therapist at this, he wont let people gaslight you into submission for their convenience, no matter the social wiring towards subtle silencing of people boundaries in many contexts).
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