04/07/2026
If nothing seems to be changing despite your best efforts to heal from narcissistic abuse, here’s something important I want to share with you because it may really be holding you back in your healing.
When many of us emerge from an abusive relationship and start putting the pieces together about what happened to us, we naturally want to find out more about narcissism. In our search for clarity, understanding and validation we often find ourselves in online spaces where the term ‘narcissist’ is used a lot. The focus is usually on what the narcissist is like, what they do, how they operate and so on. Unfortunately, when this material is shared in a highly evocative, emotionally charged way, (often just to please the algorithm), it can serve to re-traumatise a victim of narcissistic abuse, rather than aid her recovery.
The issue here, that many people, especially at the start of their narcissistic abuse recovery journey don’t realise, is that simply hearing about the narcissistic behaviour they have been subject to is potentially re-traumatising. For someone trying to heal after narcissistic abuse, nervous system regulation is vital. Reading about narcissists and other people’s experience of them can cause further dysregulation of the nervous system, emotions and can deepen complex post-traumatic stress symptoms.
I’ve come across trauma-informed practitioners that blast in bold letters on a brightly coloured backgrounds, ‘the narcissist does this, this and this’. This is simply too much for a sensitive nervous system that needs peace and a felt sense of safety to heal.
To read the full article, go to my Substack. Link in bio 🩵
