04/07/2026
I wasn't sure if I would ever write this out, particularly in this way.
But something was sparked in me today as I watched my son take his first proper steps, alone.
Another layer of separation, of his body becoming more 'independent' from mine. Of him becoming his own human, with his own longings, desires and dreams.
And I remember, what a dream come true ~ becoming his mother, has been and continues to be. Even with all its edges and growth points ~ for which there are many and no denying that they exist, no matter how ready you may be.
& so as with any birthing - the story begins a long while before the babe actually arrived in my arms. In what led to, and informed his conception.
The truth is, I had already been Mother to my son, for 9 years in the celestial realms.
As a wise woman once told me (that Woman being: Joy Horner, birthkeeper ~ )
"That every pregnancy makes you a Mother"
(& this has been further confirmed biologically in a recent post I saw by ~ of the ovaries leaving the nest at conception)
& so ~ I first conceived my son, now 10 years ago. My first pregnancy.
In that time, I grieved so much that choice to let him go. Yet so often when someone would journey on my behalf, they would say ~ there is someone with you, your son. You take him wherever you go.
And so I waited, always longing to be reunited with him.
& in all honesty, for the right companion ~ to share the ride of parenthood with.
I waved so much between the being ready, and the not all being ready.
But during the Retreat I hosted with
in the Amazon in 2024, when visiting a very sacred altar we were guided to by her partner ~ I asked my partner to pray with me.
A seed, a prayer, a vision ~ of our family.
In the most fertile place on planet Earth with waters flowing directly from the belly of the Mother, with the songs of the guacamayo ringing overhead, and the trembling awareness that we stood in jaguar territory ~ I prayed to be ready to receive my son, once again.
This time truly...
To be continued 🐉
