10/07/2026
Choosing to grow with your children & your inner child
You’ve got this. And they’ve got you. 💛
AGES APPROX. 4 TO 9: INSIDE THE ADRENARCHE YEARS 🌦️
The Brain and Body’s Early Rehearsal for Adolescence
Parent to parent: If you’ve ever snapped, shut down, or felt crushing guilt after your child’s big feelings... and your’ response.
This is for you too. Shame pulls us out of the present moment. But repair brings us back.
We don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be willing to rise, repair, and give our little one our heart again. ❤️
Between ages 4 and 9, a quiet biological shift begins.
The adrenal glands start producing small amounts of hormones called androgens. This stage is called adrenarche.
It’s not puberty. But it is the brain and body’s rehearsal for it.
These new hormones influence mood, energy, and how children experience stress and emotions.
WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE BRAIN 🧠
The amygdala - the part that processes emotion - becomes more active.
The prefrontal cortex, the part that helps with regulation and reasoning, is still catching up.
Translation: Big feelings arrive faster than a child can manage them.
Maybe you may even recognize the wound in your self from childhood reading this?
Their emotional brain is online. Their logical brain is still downloading.
WHAT YOU MIGHT NOTICE
Be present in stillness & you may be blessed
More intense emotions — sadness, frustration, worry, or joy
Greater sensitivity to fairness and friendship. “That’s not fair!”
Sudden mood swings or tearfulness
Body changes: mild body odour, oily skin
Moments of self-consciousness or confusion about growing up
REMEMBER: They aren’t being dramatic. They’re learning to navigate new internal experiences.
WHAT THEY NEED MOST FROM US 💞
Predictable routines and calm co-regulation
Space to talk about feelings without judgement
Help naming emotions: “This is frustration. This is your justice-superpower.”
Reassurance: “Your body is practicing growing. This is normal, not bad behaviour.”
Our steady presence as their world starts to feel bigger
AND WHAT ABOUT US, THE PARENTS?
Here’s the part no one talks about.
When our kids have big feelings, we get triggered too.
Because their storm pokes our storm.
Example 1: Co-regulating instead of correcting
Child: sobbing “It’s NOT FAIR!”
Triggered parent thought: “Stop being dramatic.” Perhaps, dont be silly or even a grunted sorry.
Reframe in the moment: “Whoa, big feelings. Your brain is learning fairness right now. I’m here. Let’s breathe together first.”
You just taught them: Big feelings are safe with me. We can ride them out.
Example 2: The hard one , when anger shows up in the home
Dad gets triggered. He raises his voice at Mum in front of the child/children.
In that moment, he’s teaching: “When I feel overwhelmed, I use anger.”
How to reframe + repair:
Pause. ✋ Deep sigh, deep breath.
To yourself: “My little one is watching how I do hard things. I can model repair.” 🌱
Later, with humility, to the child:
What you saw wasn’t okay, and I’m sorry.
That was between grown-ups. It was not your fault, not even a little bit.
You are a gift. You are protected. You are loved beyond measure.
When we feel big feelings, the right thing is to pause and talk kindly. That’s what we’re practicing now.
Thank you for your gentle heart. Can I give you a hug?”
Why “Can I give you a hug?” matters
“Give me a hug” puts the need on the adult.
“Can I give you a hug?” gives the child choice and respects their body.
Especially in adrenarche, when kids are more aware of themselves, choice = safety.
It says: I see you. Your body is yours. And I’m here when you’re ready.
What this teaches: Conflict can be repaired. Adults take responsibility.
And I am not the cause of adult problems. I am cherished.
WHY THIS WORDING MATTERS
Kids in adrenarche are asking “Am I good? Am I the problem? Am I loved?”
Spiritual + praise language answers all 3 at once. It anchors them in identity, not just safety.
💭 You’re doing such sacred work holding this space for them. 🌦️
FINAL THOUGHT
Children in the adrenarche years need our understanding, patience, and steady presence more than our lectures.
And parents? We need grace.
When we regulate ourselves first, we give them the blueprint for their own regulation.
When we mess up, and we will, we model something even more powerful: rise + repair. 💞
“That hurt me too. I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”
When we name their feelings and their “genie” their fairness, their sensitivity, their courage —
we help them connect to their self and their superpower.
They are not giving us a hard time.
They are having a hard time.
And we get to be the calm in it. Together.
You’ve got this. And they’ve got you. 💛
"THE LANTERN & THE GENIE" 🏮
Think of your child’s “genie” their fairness, their sensitivity, their courage, their big heart
as a bright, wild flame inside a lantern.
In the adrenarche years, 4-9, the wind picks up.
The flame flickers. It gets big, scary, wibbly-wobbly.
Sometimes it feels like it might blow out.
Our job isn’t to cup our hands over it and tell it to be small.
Our job is to show them where to look.
We hold the lantern steady.
We point: “Look. That heat you feel? That’s your justice-genie. It cares about what’s right.”
“That ache in your chest? That’s your compassion-genie. It means you love deeply.”
“That wobble in your body? That’s your courage-genie practicing to grow.”
We don’t put the fire out.
We teach them: “This is how you hold it. This is how you breathe with it. This is how you use it to light the world instead of burn it.”
And when we get triggered and drop the lantern?
We pick it up. We say “I’m sorry. Let me show you again.”
That’s the repair. That’s the mastery.
🌱We are not here to control their genie.
We are here to show them where to look, so one day they can carry their own lantern.🌱
