01/09/2025
Four out of five couples weren’t together a year later on Love is Blind.
That’s an 80% breakup rate, only a 20% chance of still being together a year later when you rush through the stages of commitment.
I felt so tender watching it. Because here’s the truth…
We haven’t actually built up secure attachment until we have gone through cycles of rupture and repair. So we are claiming someone is “our person” speeding up the process, fantasising about a fairytale, without actually knowing how they will hold us and our love when s**t hits the fan. And it will.
I don’t believe we can know someone until we move through challenge together, when our needs aren’t met, when we disagree, when we hurt them and they hurt us. How someone moves through difficulty, conflict, hurt is going to tell you more about whether they are the right person for you. This takes time, and space to discover. It’s right timing. We are looking for intimacy, not intensity.
A lot of women come to me wanting a man to propose quickly, holding strong ideas about what this means about love, safety, and masculinity. We want to feel chosen, important, safe, and special. And those desires are so human, so valid.
But when we rush to secure love, we can bypass the very foundation that creates it.
When we start falling for someone, our brain gets flooded with dopamine and oxytocin,the same chemicals that make us feel high. Under brain scans, the same reward centres light up as when we’re on drugs. No wonder it feels magical, inevitable, meant-to-be.
But this chemical cocktail can blur our clarity. If we attach too quickly, we risk merging before we know whether this person can truly meet us, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Slow dating is the deepest gift you can give yourself and any future partner. It creates the space to experience someone fully, to feel safe in your own body, and to build a relationship rooted in trust rather than chemistry alone.
Tomorrow, I’ll share some of my favourite practices for slowing things down in dating , and why this will change everything for you honeys 🍯