12/12/2020
The Weekly Round Up
I was going to take a well-earned break this week but….. the news is just too juicy this week.
Where to start? We will start with Sara. Poor Sara has been ‘Hunting’ a man for months but with COVID her socialising has been minimalised. Sara hatched a plan last weekend, if Sara can’t get to the men.. the men will have to come to her. Sara has always had a thing for men in uniforms so Sara’s plan was to get the fire brigade to Tullysaran. So, the hapless singleton microwaved some chocolate for a couple of hours, just to create a bit of a bang, plenty of smoke and get the hunks with big hoses out. The plan nearly worked, nosey Lauren arrived home from work early and foiled the cunning plan. Back to the drawing board for Sara.
Drama queen Lauren milked the situation telling her better half “I nearly died a spinster”! The pressure is on…. There will be a special Round Up when the diamond appears…
Outgoing An Port Mór Chairman Tony Casey has been feeling the pressure in recent months. Clearly the pressure of the top job has been getting to ‘Squire’ and the mind has started to go. Last Tuesday morning Squire pulled up at the shop, got some daily essentials and walked to his house on Benburb Street, forgetting his van. Thankfully for Squire Blackwatertown’s neighbourhood watch; Tony Donnelly and Stevie Hughes; were on hand to witness the event. Stevie laughed that hard he woke Tony from his mid morning nap. Poor Clare confirmed Tony has left her behind on many occasions, usually in restaurants….. to pay the bill.
Speaking of Tony Donnelly, the ice appears to be broken in his dispute with a local Chinese owner. A dispute a number of weeks ago escalated into Tony getting ejected on the end of the body builders boot, the incident is now referred to as ‘The Dungannon Street Dust Up’. Geoff appears to have welcomed Tony back with a coded Facebook message and I quote the friendly giant:
“if anyone wants to get pi**ed up at home and come in and start a fight with me, just for old times sake, I’m in fri-sun 5-11.” So Tony PB’s may be shut but you can still get your favourite takeaway or maybe Geoff is just looking a rematch. That’s one pay-per-view I would pay to watch.
In other news the football club have launched a New Years Eve draw – “End Of Year Cow Clap.”
Club spokesman Ciaran McDonagh; an expert on talking manure; claimed “its been a s**t year.. so we’re having a s**t draw.” Tickets are £10 and available from committee members and Hegarty’s Shop. First prize is £500 and the draw in planned for New Years Eve.
