25/07/2026
"She’d be cruisin ’ for a bruisin’ if she were my foal!" Commenter.
She's sassy/spicy/having a temper tantrum/naughty/wants the milk bar/learning how to be a red mare/a stinker/has an attitude.
Or is she just being a foal?
How does the story we attach to what we see and anthropomorphising what we see horses do affect the outcome we want?
And why is everyone's judgement different? Because we judge others the same way we judge ourselves, from our core traumas and life experience.
If you took "needs a spanking" or "needs discipline" literally, you'd intervene in a completely inappropriate way for what's actually happening — a nursing/coordination/irritation issue, not a training or behavioural one.
The mares deal with it between them though - not-mum pins her ears and mum moves away. That is all that needs to be done, becasue body language speaks a thousand words. They show the foal - that is not what we do - and if you are doing that I am going to remove myself from you.
But we have a tendency to make meaning and attach feeling - if the horse misbehaves, that means I am failing. The horse "did that to me", so I need to retaliate and 'show them I am boss".
Then we carry the story from day to day. We focus on it. We expect it.
The dysregulated nervous system jumps into action - and we revert to dominance because dominance makes us feel safe - momentarily.
"I need to show her I'm boss" isn't actually a response to the foal — it's a person's activated nervous system generating a threat story and then justifying the action that story calls for.
The regulated nervous system just moves away or moves the foal away because they don't see the 'threat', they see a foal being a foal.
The mares show us that the response just needs to be proportionate, it doesn't have to be physical contact / retaliation.
That's not because horses are simple; it's because they're not running a narrative track alongside the behaviour.
And this is why our habit of attaching story is so costly to our relationships with our animals - our story becomes an expectation. Our expectation becomes our reality because it changes how we show up - muscle tension, heart rate and breathing rate - and the horse reads this.
The person arrives with tension and the horse braces against it and reacts to it. The story becomes evidence.
The story gets written by whoever's nervous system is least regulated in the interaction, and then everyone downstream, including the horse, ends up responding to the story instead of what actually happened.
This isn't really about foals. It's about every relationship where we've mistaken our own activation for someone else's misbehaviour — our kids, our partners, ourselves. The horse just makes it visible faster, because they can't pretend not to notice.
This is the whole premise behind the Saddle the Mind 7 day nervous system course — the horse was never the one who needed to change. It's why we start with the nervous system, not the behaviour. Yours, first.
If you would like to find out more drop a SADDLE in the comments.