27/08/2026
Sometimes the relationship that feels different is actually the relationship that is healthy.
There’s a psychological reason we can become drawn to unpredictability 🧠
When someone is inconsistent, our attention becomes focused on them: 𝗗𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲? 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁? 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻? 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆?
The moments of reassurance then bring relief. And that cycle of 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙮 → 𝙖𝙣𝙭𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙮 → 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 mm can create a really powerful emotional loop.
So when you’ve spent a long time experiencing relationships like this, someone who is consistent can feel underwhelming. Calm can feel unfamiliar. Sometimes even boring.
There’s less to analyse. Less to chase. Less adrenaline.
And sometimes that gets labelled as I’m just not feeling it. Sometimes you get the ick when someone starts showing up consistently, because your brain doesn’t know what to do with safety.
Not every ick means you’re secretly rejecting a healthy relationship - sometimes you genuinely aren’t attracted to someone.
But if you repeatedly find yourself losing interest when someone becomes emotionally available, consistent and safe, it might be worth asking whether you’re rejecting them or whether you’re rejecting a feeling you’re not used to.
I spent a long time choosing men who were not very good for me.
Then I met someone who showed me from the beginning where I stood.
We still argue. We still have chaos. But I’ve never doubted how he feels about me. There’s consistency underneath it all.
What he says, he does.
He shows up.
He is consistent.
And an argument doesn’t suddenly make the relationship feel unsafe.
For me, breaking the cycle wasn’t finding someone who never created conflict. It was learning that conflict and safety can coexist.
The goal might not be to find a relationship that gives you butterflies all the time. Maybe it’s learning to recognise the difference between butterflies and anxiety.
𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗼𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲.
