11/12/2020
I have just submitted my final assignment for the course I have been attending this year, Integrating Mindfulness and Compassion in Professional Practice. Part of the course entailed recording a 6-week detailed log of my daily 30 minute meditation practice. I felt such resistance to complete it but pulling on my 'big girl' pants I got on with it.
Anyway, I wanted to share an excerpt. I feel out of my comfort zone sharing this, like I am un******ng in front of you all BUT I am hoping it may encourage you when you are struggling with your own practice. It is important for us to remember that things in life do not always feel easy, especially our meditation practice. It can feel hard work, scary and at times overwhelming. However, when we keep exploring and working with ourselves, it can provide invaluable insight and unlock the negative patterns we have formed over the years.
Here it is ...
"What has really developed for me during this 6-week practice is just how hard and critical I am of myself. I have always known that, but I think I underestimated the extent of my voice of judgment. The expectation I have on myself is one I wouldn’t expect from anyone else and I really noticed that. I am constantly striving and trying to achieve … for what purpose? To show I am more than just ‘mum’ these day or proving that being a ‘cancer survivor’ and all the life changes that have accompanied that, haven't brought me down? I am still working on it! This process has really elevated my self-compassion. As the weeks passed, I was more able to bring a loving kindness to myself. Some days I found it hard to sit and be with myself, as the mind was so frantic and ready to get ‘doing’ and my physical body struggled to sit still as the adrenaline pumped. I would then get frustrated with myself, as I wanted that pause (and some quietness) and so rather than just sitting with it, I started striving to create that experience. Six weeks on, I feel I am less hard on myself, less critical, less expecting. Trying to view my own shortcomings with kindness, nonjudgment and understanding, I remind myself that, all humans have shortcomings, and I am after all, human!”