31/05/2026
🌹 Sunday Musing ~
The Rose Path: Letting Mystery Be
I have always been the kind of woman who notices things before I knew how to explain it ... long before I had words like nervous system or trauma, and before I understood how the body remembers what the mind tries to outgrow ...
I always noticed ~ Tiny things, Strange things ... Beautiful things
A ladybird on a windowsill, A crow watching from the edge of a roof ... A rainbow appearing when my heart felt bruised or A beautiful rose opening in places that felt too timely to ignore
I was the little girl who felt the world was speaking ... Not loudly, and not in sentences ... but in colour ~ In timing, in repetition, and in the sudden appearance of something small and alive that made my whole body pause for a minute to observe the meaning
And I love the innocence of this ...
The ladybird was always soft to me ~ she was gentle, almost like a tiny kiss from heaven. Something innocent landing in the middle of an ordinary day, reminding me there was still a sweetness in the world ...
And the crow… she crow was different ~ Dark and watchful, ancient-looking ... the kind of creature that seemed to see through the surface of things, a watcher ... The kind that made me feel like there was a protective energy guarding over me.
I didn’t just see them ... I felt them, ever since I was a little girl, I had sought comfort in the unfamiliar "messengers" that remained present in a world that wasn't always safe.
For a long time, that feeling became a doorway ~
I would wonder what it meant, Why now? Why here? Why again? Why this creature, this symbol, this repetition, this strange little thread running through my life ...
It always felt intimate
It felt like I was being led through the language of the world ... Like creation itself had leaned in close and whispered, “Pay attention.”
It felt like the eye of an Oracle
Maybe that is why it is hard to speak about now without sounding like I am either dismissing it or worshipping it ...
Because I am doing neither, I still see meaning in everything ...That has not left me.
I still feel the shimmer of the natural world, and I still notice when something appears at a tender moment ... I still feel beauty move through me like a hand over my heart, but something has changed...
I no longer feel the same hunger to chase it ~
To decode it, or enquire until the softness becomes anxiety ... To predict and to know by turning every beautiful thing into a question I must answer before I can rest.
And for me, this is where the deeper truth begins
Because when I look back, I don’t see a foolish woman who believed too much ...
I see a little girl who needed to feel safe
A little girl with a wild imagination and a deep, quiet faith in God before she even knew how to name it ... I see a little girl who felt too much, sensed too much, and carried too much in her small body ... A little girl who learned to read the room, read the air, read the mood and read the silence.
And when life didn’t feel steady, she found steadiness in signs ... in patterns, in small sacred-looking things ...
The nervous system does that when safety has been fragile. ... It searches ... It connects ... It gathers meaning from the edges of life because meaning can feel like ground when the ground has not always felt safe.
So maybe the ladybird was never just a ladybird to her and maybe the crow was never just a crow.
Maybe they were part of the way the living world held her ~ Little anchors of wonder with Tiny breaths of beauty.
Small, wild reminders that even when life felt too big, too unpredictable, too sharp ... there was still softness, still presence ... There was still something alive meeting her at the edges.
And I love her for noticing ~
I love the way she let nature speak to the places in her that had no words ... I love the way she found God in the cracks of ordinary life and let beauty reach her when safety felt far away and she was alone.
And the tenderest truth is, she wasn’t alone ...
God was always there ~
Not because every ladybird was a message, and not because every crow was a guide or that every pattern was a prophecy.
God was with her beneath all of it ~
In the noticing
In the longing
In the fear
In the little body searching for proof of safety wherever it could find it
And maybe that is why the symbols felt so intimate ... because underneath them was a real ache ~
To be held
To be led
To be seen
To know that something holy had not abandoned me
And, as I have walked deeper into this Rose path ~ through the body, through grief, through faith, through the slow and sometimes brutal work of coming home to what is true ... I have started to understand the difference between wonder and dependence
Wonder opens me
Dependence grips
Wonder softens my body
Dependence tightens it
Wonder lets me love what God has made
Dependence makes me need creation to prove what only God can hold
And that is the part I am learning to release ...
Not the meaning, the beauty, or the wildness
Not the part of me that sees poetry in everything
I am releasing the need to constantly ask ... “What does this mean for me?”
I am releasing the ache to turn every moment into a map
I am releasing the old survival pattern of searching the outside world for certainty because something inside me still remembers not feeling safe
I still notice the ladybird and the crow
I still notice the roses, the rainbows, the strange timings, the numbers, the little threads of beauty stitched through the day ... and at times I still enquire
But most of the time now, I try to let them be
To let them arrive without interrogation
I let them be meaningful without making them responsible for my peace
That feels like surrender now ~
Not closing my eyes ... not becoming less sensitive and not losing the magic
But letting the magic breathe without needing to control it
You can witness something ~ appreciate it and love it, Without following it.
Without making it a message and handing it authority over your nervous system, your choices, your peace, your faith ...
Some things are meaningful simply because they awaken something tender in us ... some things are beautiful simply because they are alive and some things are allowed to remain mystery ...
And there is a quietness in that now ~
A quietness I didn’t know when I was always searching
Less grasping and urgency ... Less needing the world to confirm what God has already been whispering into the deepest part of me
The ladybird can land where it lands and The crow can watch from wherever it chooses ...
The rainbow can appear and disappear and The roses can open in their own time.
I do not have to turn any of it into a prophecy to know I am held
I can still be the woman who notices everything ~
Wild and Soft, Full of feeling and Moved by beauty Still brought to my knees by the sacred in ordinary
But I do not have to endlessly wander ... My body is learning that safety does not have to come through signs
My spirit is learning that trust does not need constant proof ...
And the little girl in me ~ the dreamer, the watcher, the one who saw God in ladybirds and crows because she needed heaven to feel close ... I do not silence her ... I hold her
I tell her, “I know why you searched. I know why you needed to know. I know why the world became a language when your body was trying to survive.”
And then I tell her the truth.
“You were never alone ~ Not then and not now ... You do not have to keep asking creation to prove the presence of God.”
The world needs women who still notice beauty~ Women who feel the tremble beneath ordinary things ... Women who can look at a rose, a bird, a sky after rain, and remember that life is still sacred.
But maybe we can stop making every beautiful thing carry the weight of our peace
Maybe we can let mystery stay soft
Maybe we can let creation sing without asking it to become our certainty
Maybe we can come back to the body, back to breath, back to God, back to the quiet truth beneath the searching ~
You are allowed to notice
You are allowed to feel
You are allowed to be moved
You do not have to decode everything to be safe
You do not have to predict everything to be led You do not have to know everything to be held
This is the Rose path I am walking now ~
Not stripped of wonder or emptied of meaning ...
But rooted deeper than the need to explain it all.
I'm still seeing, feeling, noticing ... But I'm softer now ~ More surrendered and willing to let mystery be mystery ... I have learned to trust without needing to know and I am more willing to be led without demanding proof.
God-held
No longer searching like I am lost
~ Wild Woman Alchemy 🌹