01/06/2026
We don’t need to share everything to heal.
I know that might feel uncomfortable to read, especially in a world where “opening up” has become almost synonymous with growth.
But after more than 20 years working in this space, it’s something I feel increasingly strongly about and something I can no longer soften without losing the truth of it.
Over the last few years, there’s been a noticeable shift in the wellness world, where more and more spaces are encouraging people to share openly, to express themselves in groups, and to be witnessed in quite vulnerable ways.
And in many ways, that is beautiful.
There is a part of all of us that wants to be heard, to feel seen, and to have our experiences acknowledged by the people around us, and when that happens in the right setting, it can feel incredibly reassuring and deeply healing.
But I think it’s time we all pause and ask a slightly more uncomfortable question.
Is it always helpful?
Or, for some people, could it actually be too much?
This isn’t a black-and-white conversation, and I’m very aware that people have strong views on both sides of it.
But I would rather say this clearly and risk it feeling a little uncomfortable than stay agreeable and have someone leave a space feeling exposed or overwhelmed.
Because we don’t always know what someone else is carrying when they walk into a room, and not everyone arrives ready to speak or to share their inner world with a group of people they’ve only just met.
Some people arrive because they need space.
I remember a guest on one of my retreats who took me to one side and explained that she was really struggling, and had come on the retreat to gain space and would I please make sure she felt safe – her coming on the retreat was such a relief that she could feel the emotion bubbling up to the surface (where it needed to be)
But she said something that really stayed with me…
“In the first session, if you had gone around and asked how everyone was feeling, I would have struggled to maintain composure in the group. I just want to join and stay anonymous”
She didn’t want to be put on the spot, and she didn’t want to perform her experience in front of others, even in a supportive environment.
She wanted to be there, to be part of the group, but to do it quietly, without having to explain herself, and to remain anonymous.
And that really made me reflect on how retreats are held.
Because traditionally, retreats were exactly that – a place to step back, to rest, and to not have to bring your full story into the room unless you chose to.
Somewhere along the way, particularly in the last six or seven years, there’s been a rise in sharing spaces such as women’s circles and men’s circles, where people come together specifically to talk, to process, and to support each other through conversation, and that can be incredibly powerful when it is clearly held and facilitated in the right way.
But I’m not sure that the crossover into retreats has always been fully thought through.
Because sitting around a fire and having a human conversation is very different from being invited – or sometimes even feeling expected – to open up in a group setting that doesn’t have the structure or containment of a therapeutic environment, especially if you weren't aware that you were stepping into a 'circle space'.
And I think that distinction matters a lot more than us facilitators might realise.
On my retreats, there is always space to share if that feels right for you, and you are always welcome to talk to me, to open up in a group setting when it feels appropriate, or to connect with others in a meaningful way.
But there is equally space to step back, to sit quietly, and to not say anything at all.
Even something as simple as how I check in with the group has changed over time.
I used to ask everyone to give me a number out loud to describe how they were feeling, but now I ask everyone to close their eyes and hold up a number on their hands instead, so that you can be completely honest with yourself without needing to explain or perform that honesty in front of anyone else.
When I think about it, the most supportive thing we can offer is not just another opportunity to speak – but the permission not to.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t come and find me for a conversation, because you absolutely can, whether that’s sitting together on the sofa, swimming in the lake, or walking side by side and sharing whatever feels right in that moment.
That space is always there.
But it is led by you, not expected of you.
I’m sharing this because if you are someone who holds space for others, it might offer a different perspective on how those spaces can be created, and if you are someone who comes on retreats, I want you to feel clear and safe in what you are stepping into with me.
Unless I explicitly say “sharing circle”, a fire circle is simply that – a fire, a place to sit, to warm yourself, to listen, or to say nothing at all.
The most I will ever ask is something like “What did you enjoy the most from today?”, and even that is always an invitation rather than an expectation.
Because the world has changed, and people are carrying more than they used to, often below the surface and without saying it out loud, and creating spaces that feel safe now requires more awareness.
For me, it’s about creating an environment where your nervous system can calm down, where you don’t feel exposed, and where the energy of the space can hold you without needing you to put everything into words.
Because the truth is:
You don’t have to share everything to heal. Sometimes, you just need space to be.
Love Saira ###
