09/01/2022
I have been wanting to write this post for a long time but these words don't seem to come easy.
I still have little idea of what I am trying to accomplish with sharing how much I am struggling but if one person reads this and realises they aren't alone then great.
On paper 2021 looked as though it was an amazing year, I mean myself and my husband started two successful business' during a global fu***ng pandemic.. It was probably the biggest year of growth for us to date.
So why do I feel as though everything isn't real? Why do I feel as though I am living in a simulation that's about to crash? Why am I disassociating and why do I feel numb to the things that used to bring me joy?
Now firstly the fact I recognise these behaviours and patterns within myself reminds me of how much work I have done to overcome the traumas and grief of my past, there have definitely been darker days and the fact I see myself as separate to these thoughts reminds me that this is bigger than 'just me'.
Recently I have spoken to a few friends and students and I am not alone, as a collective we are exhausted and completely burnt out, and honestly, I don't think our nervous systems can take anymore. The damage of the past two years has fractured our society, it has suppressed our capacity to love and feel compassion towards not only others but ourselves. We are collectively living in a shadow state of fear and if you are a 'feeler' of the world that can be crippling.
Despite all of this I am inspired by the resilience of my friends, family and strangers I meet on a daily basis (two of the biggest inspo’s pictured above), inspired by people who remind me not to 'let it go' but to sit with these feelings, give them space to be seen, know that they are not defining, they are evolving and with acceptance will help me grow.
We may be tired but I feel a shared desire to heal. If we start by forgiving the circumstances that got us here, to stop living in fear of the past two years our subconscious might have the chance to recover.
(continued in comments)
