11/06/2026
Not everyone has the capacity to see how hard you are trying and that < trying> isn't always measured by producing something outside of ourselves. Some of us are trying all the time, fire burning hot all the time... inside, the unseen space. This is energy. This is fight. This is survival.
Often, I reflect on the push and shove, the graft and scarcity, and the energy of creating and keeping. These are traits that were learned from a prolonged grasp to keep hold of precious things (in case the universe/someone known/unknown would take them away). That included my identity, my lovers, my financial freedom, my good judgement, and even my capacity for r e s t- because then I would really look like someone not trying.
The opposition to this is softness, ease, beauty, abundance, honesty, and water (that's the Alchemy bit, the water fizzing on the hot plate.) The truth is unwinding from patterns is hard. Coming back to the body is hard. Allowing yourself the space to change is hard. Hard is heavy, that's for sure, but softness and liquid flow are grace and space that is fermented in love. It doesn't tear down or break, but uncurls, unfurles, and beckons you to not live in the same way.
When I was a little girl I played in my garden. I climbed trees. I smelled the roses. I played imaginary games where I was always the heroine, with a sword in my hand. I would chase my dog up and diwn behind the connifers that made a dark tunnel. I saw beauty effortlessly. I saw beauty effortlessly in me. I tend to myself, I would trace my fingers over my skin for the sensation and tingles it would bring. I would dare to dream, not to create but to just adventure. All for me.
Don't try so hard the fire burns out and leaves you aching.
Don't wait for someone to notice how hard you are working.
Don't push yourself so much you end up breaking.
Ease
Softness
Ease
Softness
Ease