29/05/2026
Be careful what you wish for
At my heaviest, I was 154kg; I was lonely, I felt like no one understood what it felt like to be as heavy as I was, to look the way I did, and to feel how I did.
Then as I've documented on this page many times, I turned my life around and I decided that I wanted to lose weight and I did. I got all the way down to just over 81 kg and lo and behold once I got there I felt exactly the same as I did at my heaviest. I was miserable, I was lonely. I hated myself but I was lonely and miserable for a different reason than when I was at my heaviest. This time it was because I had done everything to shut the entire world out.
I sacrificed relationships, friendships, time with family. Everything became obsessive about losing weight. It was the only thing that mattered to me and I found myself painted into a corner. The worst part of the whole story is that I got all the way down to my lowest. I got what I was wishing for and I realised that I still never felt good enough and that was because I had based my entire self-worth on losing scale weight.
Fast forward 10 years later and all of a sudden I am 10 kg heavier than my lightest ever weight. I'm stronger, I'm fitter, I'm happier, I'm healthier and I've finally got to a stage in my life that I don't hate myself. I actually have realised that liking yourself or loving yourself has nothing to do with the scale weight.
Careful what you wish for because you might actually get up
