Annemarie Leuvennink Chartered Clinical Psychologist

05/04/2020

04/04/2020

Some ideas of how to cope with Corona

03/04/2020

30/03/2020

Some helpful resources for those in the UK

20/03/2019

Lovely Spring flowers from , making my office feel like an African summer

13/02/2019

Spoils from a lovely client, after supporting them through a challenging week!

12/02/2019

Im often asked about the themes of immanent danger in dreams: tsunamis, fires, crime, hurricanes.

Each of these themes have an individualised meaning and context and can usually be personalised to understand our own inner world. However, in general, dramatic and tumultuous dreams often indicate that there’s a perceived threat to your psyche and that you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed. It’s really helpful to keep a dream journal and to write down your dreams (preferably just after you’ve woken up). Dreams give such insight into our internal struggles and are often the translation between our unconscious and conscious minds.

05/02/2019

I love that Children’s Mental Health week 2019 affords all of us the opportunity to take stock of our own mental health and more importantly, to mindfully think about the mental health of the children in our lives - whether it be our own children, step-children, children in our extended family or community.

We need more people to become advocates for children’s mental health - to express and legitimise emotions; to validate and encourage mind- body integration; to promote mental wellness.

We need parents and families and communities to stand up and fight for mental wellness. We need individuals to ask the hard questions, and be willing to listen to the long explanations.

We need to understand that children can’t always express how they are feeling verbally but sometimes act out what they feel, or withdraw. We need to stop othering and ostracising and finding ways of including and partnering.

We need to foster relationships that encourage expression and growth. And we need to develop an emotional language with our children so that they can express what they think, feel and experience.

All of us (including the future generations) will be richer from this embellishment.

We all suffer when there’s emotional paucity and austerity.

📷 Vitaliy Paykov

10/01/2019

Today I spent some time with my neighbour, who turns 94 next week. At the end of the afternoon, I asked her what she’d like for her birthday, to which she replied: “a trip in a hot air balloon...although it’s probably not the weather for it at the moment.”
I love that in spite of mourning the loss of her own mobility a few moments before, she still aspires to freedom and greater heights.
I’m inspired to have a vision for this year that supersedes the realm of my natural ability and limitations.

Sometimes it’s difficult to envisage the year ahead when you’re suffering loss or feeling overwhelmed, burnt-out or depressed. The chaotic nature of life’s schedules and demands can make you feel as if you’re drowning: vision blurred and struggling to breathe.

My hope is that in spite of difficult feelings and experiences, in spite of the expectations to perform and the demands and needs from others, in spite of the anxiety and low mood... there will be hot air balloons: moments when time stands still and there’s only the rush of air around you. Where you will have clarity of thought and mind and vision: to see the lie of the land, as well as vision for the journey ahead. Moments when you fly, even if you can’t get your legs to walk properly anymore.

May your 2019 be one of adventure and making time for the odd hot air balloon trip!

03/12/2018

We have an ongoing debate in our household at the moment as to when we need to buy the Christmas tree and start festooning the house in cheer. I’m all for seizing the moment, as I love the smell of the pine needles and getting all the decorations out; however we are a little cautious as two years ago, we’d been a little over eager, and our tree had actually died before Christmas Day had arrived.

I’m well aware though that this time of the year isn’t festive for everybody, not only because of various religious convictions but also because for many, it’s a lonely time, and can exacerbate feelings of isolation and even depression.

As we all gear up to the end of the year, and the start of the first working week of December, I think it’s really important to be mindful of the following:

1. Reflect on your year with a generous and gracious spirit. There are possibly many things you’d have done differently or even avoided, if you could have. But aim to find one positive for every negative memory that you have.

2. Extend generosity and inclusivity to others. While buying gifts for year-end functions or Christmas events, consider supporting charities that care for the isolated over the Christmas season. It really does feel amazing to contribute to the well-being of others and to care beyond your immediate needs.

3. Break the mould a little, and aim to extend one act of kindness / generosity to a stranger (or someone in your community) over the next four weeks. It may be gifting them with something, mowing their lawn before the polar vortex descends next week, or baking some cookies for Christmas cheer. It may even just be a friendly chat or smile to a shop assistant or person on public transport.

Finally, if you’re feeling quite low emotionally and you know that the next few weeks are going to be a difficult and isolating time for you, please aim to reach out and to ensure that there are people around you who know that you are struggling. Although this can be extremely difficult to do, very often people are more than willing to help and to stand by you, given the chance. Other organisations like the Samaritans, Age UK and Crisis are all UK based charities trying to support people in need over the festive season.

27/11/2018

The other night we watched the new BBC documentary Dynasties. At first, the name conjured up images of the eighties series of feuding American families, however in reality the manes were probably the only eighties throwback happening there.

This episode played out the story of a lioness and her pride - following her life for 420 days to film her bloodline, relationships and connections: her dynasty.

Although I realise that the particular angle of the series focuses on these dynamics, it was fascinating to zoom in and watch the emotional connections between this family of animals over time (all condensed into one episode). I had never realised how loyal and protective lions are: many times they would put their life on the line, for the sake of their family, and to protect their young.

I was really challenged by their deep commitment to family (mother-cub, siblings and even cousin relationships). They reassured each other, fought for each other, sorted each other out when needed and comforted each other. There was a sense of belonging and acceptance and love.

It left me questioning what we do as humans. We have greater intelligence, and capacity to relate emotionally. However we often turn against family in times of threat, we struggle with loyalty and can at times prioritise our sense of pride over the communal pride.

I’m grappling with this one, as many of the situations that are presented to me in therapy involve toxic family relationships, where individuation and separation are imperative: where the survival of the individual almost cannot take place within the context of the pride.

However I feel really challenged as I watched nature, that there is a level of familial connectedness in a group which is affirming, reassuring and protective. And that the family bloodlines were designed to provide this safety, which we are not always fully accessing and creating.

♦️Do you feel as if any of your close family relationships are fragmented?
♦️Do you feel as if you’ve been abandoned or kicked out of the “pride” by your parents/ a parent? (this may have happened years ago and they could already be dead but you continue to feel excluded)
♦️Do you feel a sense of loyalty towards your siblings

I get that for some of us, this won’t be blood relatives, maybe because they don’t exist or maybe because you feel you’d lose who you are trying to repair relationship with them.
But this doesn’t stop you from finding your own tribe (pride) and loving them fiercely!

19/11/2018

With advancing at a steady pace, I thought I’d chat a little about one of the three most avoided topics: money.
(Power and s*x we’ll save for another day).

In the run up to the end of the year, it’s difficult not to overspend as there are so many inviting offers, financial commitments (like end of year gifts and celebrations) and year-end functions. It’s easy to feel quite stressed, pressured or even guilty, about spending over the next few months, whether you’re wealthy or not.

Interestingly, money and how we relate to it, says a great deal about us. In fact, sometimes when I’m finding it difficult to understand a client or feeling stuck as a therapist, after I’ve reflected on their relationship (or lack thereof) with money, I invariably start seeing where the blockages lie.

Because money is so closely connected to provision, and essentially our sense of self, our relationship with our finances provides a mirror into our inner world. Yet money is also something that’s part of everybody’s everyday life, no one can escape using it (whether you’re rich or poor); and most of us are quite driven by procuring it, because of the societal status it grants us, or the security it provides.

However, as with anything in life, the relationships that are the healthiest are generally the ones that are held gently and loosely, where there’s room for growth and where fear isn’t the motivating factor.

As you enter the next few months, take time to pause and think about how you relate to money:
▪️Do you live in excess of your means?

▪️Do you have a sense of fear, dread, guilt, voracious need, burden, obligation, irritation, excitement, addiction concerning money? What do you actually FEEL when you think of money?

▪️How do you relate to others concerning money? Do you feel exploited and expect people to misuse you financially? Or perhaps ashamed and impoverished, depending on others financially?

▪️What do you think others would say about your financial position/ status? Do you feed that impression? Or distance yourself from it?

▪️Do you find it easy to give financially or is it really difficult to mindfully share your wealth?

▪️Do you swipe and spend in a disconnected manner, or are you overly aware of every cent spent?

Finally, this post may bring up some uncomfortable feelings, but hopefully the discomfort will allow you to think and express what going on inside, and possibly even experience greater monetary freedom (although I’m no financial advisor!)