24/05/2026
My WHY, why the sky & why the sea...“He’s gone.” I will never forget those words… that phone call from Greece, from his Britannic expedition...
17 years ago today, my world changed forever.
At 37 years old, I received the kind of news no wife ever expects… I was suddenly widowed. My children were just three and eight years old, and in a moment, their whole world changed too.
We lost Carl in a tragic, unexpected accident, and every year this day still carries a weight that words cannot fully hold. There is usually a numbness about today...But today I am in Rome...
Because grief evolves. And you grow with it, because no one escapes grief and loss. We all face it at some point. I wish we didn’t, but we do.
And now, at this point in my widowhood journey, I choose to do something different with this day.
I choose to honour Carl by living.
Not staying stuck in grief and the many secondary losses that envelop you as a young widow. Not trapped in the heart-wrenching pain, but doing something meaningful, something that fills my heart… because that is what he would have wanted.
Carl lived life to the fullest. He never stopped smiling, laughing, and enjoying life. In a way, I think he knew that in his 39 short years, he needed to pack in more life than most do in 90 years.
His laughter. His smile. His batsh*t crazy ideas that, as his wife, I would just nod along to and smile, because I knew he would pull them off, no matter how absurd they sounded.
He was never “just a plumber from Cannock” (his words). He was so much more. A husband, a devoted dad, a son, a brother, a friend, a businessman, and a man deeply passionate about history, honour, and truth. He was curious, incredibly driven, and full of 'Tigger-like' energy.
If you really knew him, you will remember that smile, that laugh, the tilt of his head, and the way he would say, “Easy,” when you took the p**s out of his hare-brained ideas… because he knew he would do it anyway.
Today feels especially poignant. I am meeting Edoardo, the man who was with Carl in his final moments, the great friend who held him as he passed. Memories I know will never leave Edo or the others on the Britannic expedition that Carl was leading, diving, and filming that fateful day.
Today, I get to hug Edo in return, as he hugged Carl as he died.
I am sure we will share stories, recall memories, hear that unique laughter again, and yes… definitely a few tears, and many hugs, many Italian hugs.
We will remember Carl for everything he truly was.
So today is not just about loss. It is about love. It is about remembering. It is about remembering to live. To create the future memories we never got to make… especially for his beloved children, Ben and Georgia. You both carry his spirit and curiosity, and I see so many of his little “isms” in you… the smile, the tilt of the head. And that loving thought I hear in my mind… “Easy.” He is still here, in all of us whose lives he touched.
Breathe easy today.
Take a moment. Reflect. Be still. Be quiet.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions you are meant to feel.
If you are reading this, please don’t wait.
Say the words.
Take the trip.
Give the hug.
Make the memory.
Life is fragile, and time is not promised...
And to my second Husband Stewart, Heaven sent for sure, thank you for holding my hand, always guiding and loving me, Ben and Geege. Without you and your unwavering love, I'm not sure I would of gotten through all of these years.
The kids say it perfectly..." We are lucky, we have a Daddy in heaven and a Daddy on earth, both equally important and very much loved."
We have two great kids. 💙💙
If you knew Carl, I would love you to share a memory below.
And even if you didn’t, take a moment today to reflect on someone you have loved and lost too, they're listening...
Love Vicky. ✨️
