04/09/2026
Shame is insidious. It can be difficult to spot, especially when you think you’ve already done so much work around it.
I’ve been to therapy, I’ve spent years trying to understand myself, and I genuinely feel much more landed in who I am than I used to. So when these thoughts started appearing again, I didn’t immediately recognise them for what they were.
It doesn’t really matter why people unfollow me, It is irrelevant. What I noticed was how quickly I started searching for explanations and control factors around it, trying to work out what I might be doing wrong or what I could change.
I also have to acknowledge that some of my fears are not imaginary. We still live in a homophobic society where q***r work can be treated as niche or token, and where being more visible can genuinely change how some people respond to you. But I also have to consider that I may be anticipating rejection before it has fully arrived.
Shame and internalised homophobia can sometimes act like an echo. No matter how much you achieve, how much healing you’ve done, or how settled you feel in yourself, there can still be that old message underneath telling you that you’re not quite good enough, or that being fully visible will come with a cost.
My wounds may not be raw anymore, but the scar is still there. The difference now is that I recognised what was happening before it got to run the whole show.
***rhealing ***rbookstagram
