02/07/2026
Trauma doesn't have to be huge, it can also come in small doses and from spaces where, as children, we should feel safe, seen, understood and accepted as we are.
The hat I was wearing was my punishment: a donkey ears hat; my first public shaming.
I still smiled for the photo though. I've come to learn that, as children, we build resilience without even knowing what it is. I believe it's our heart spurring us on through situations we are too young to handle emotionally.
Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk; more than that, I genuinely want to know how people are, what they like doing, what they don't, who they are. I carry this love for humans since I was a child.
That day, we were tasked with making a hat. Instead, I spent most of the day talking to everyone in the class, getting to know them, watching what they were creating. I was so excited by my conversations that I forgot about my own hat.
The teacher had a table where "they" were helping with the designs, sometimes even making the hats for some children. Not for me.
When I reached the table, he was so cross with me, he said he was going to make me a donkey ears hat. That's what I deserved.
I didn't want to wear it. I still had to. I had my picture taken. I smiled.
During my inner child work, this memory came up. I remember it so vividly. It was my first public shaming and I wasn't even doing anything wrong; I was simply connecting with my peers.
At this age, home wasn't a safe space either.
People pleasing adults became a survival strategy I started mastering from then on, so I was never shamed or felt unsafe for being myself. The adults later in life became everyone.
As a coach, it has been important to understand how these seemingly emotional occurrences can shape us as we grow, how we carry labels that attach themselves to our identity, how we create survival strategies that seem to protect us, but later on holds us back.
If you have a childhood memory as vivid as this, one you know shaped you and still echoes through your adult life, inner child work can be a powerful technique.
❤️
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