La Vie de Clauds

La Vie de Clauds Award-winning Culture & Engagement Specialist based in Middlesbrough, using lived experience to drive meaningful social change. Home of Inspirational Voices.

The System-Mind Method™️ Consultant

Neurodiversity | Disability | Trauma | Social Mobility

Day onehundred&sixtytwo - today has been... a day. I mean, it's been fine - a good day, really - but I have been soooo b...
11/06/2026

Day onehundred&sixtytwo - today has been... a day.

I mean, it's been fine - a good day, really - but I have been soooo bloody anxious. My anxiety is sky high at the moment.

The next 6 months are going to be life changing for me, however things play out. Either we settle, whereby I'll go into France mode, full steam ahead to turn the dream into reality, OR we don't settle, we go to court, and I self-represent in a likely landmark, hugely public case which will blow up my career overnight.

Either way, within the next 6 months, it will be over. Both options will be instantly life changing, just in VASTLY different ways.

Knowing your life is going to explode literally overnight, but not knowing when or how... Well, it makes sense that my anxiety is a little high right now 😅

Today I've done what I can, whilst acknowledging that it's okay to have tough days and being mindful of what I need. Everything's been done that needed to be, but the routine has gone out the window. I've still not done my Duo!😬

Oh well, some days be like that. I've had lots of pony time today, which for once (at the moment) was the least anxious part of the day 😂

I'm feeling reflective, hopeful, excited, drained, sad, strong, and powerful all at once. I'm less anxious after my switch to my evening meds though, so that's nice.

The funny thing is, I need my medical w**d to counteract the insane anxiety at the moment, and high anxiety means I'm using more. I'm anxious because of the case. I can't afford to actually take my medication as I need though, also because of the case. Once it's resolved, I'll be able to afford to buy my prescription, but I won't have the same need for it. What a catch 22🙃

Pic of: hahahaha I've proper done Alf dirty with this shot, he's actually a bit on the thinner side believe it or not!😂 he's just SO fluffy that when he runs, he sometimes turns into a barrel 😂

Let yourself be guided by the power of your dreams🩷
11/06/2026

Let yourself be guided by the power of your dreams🩷

Day onehundred&sixtyone - a high anxiety kinda day, but pretty good overall 😊I'd just made a coffee this morning when th...
10/06/2026

Day onehundred&sixtyone - a high anxiety kinda day, but pretty good overall 😊

I'd just made a coffee this morning when the vets rang, letting me know they'd be with Belle in 20 minutes for her annual dental. Then it was over to Currys to try and sort out my laptop, but that was unfortunately a waste of time.

Thankfully, Jonny's come round and managed to help me figure it out this afternoon. What a bloody carry on 🙃 oh well, all's well that ends well!

Pic of: Belle being a good (sleepy!) girl for the dentist this morning🐴

I want to talk about social mobility, transferable skills, and marginalised backgrounds. Working in ESG, there's a lot o...
10/06/2026

I want to talk about social mobility, transferable skills, and marginalised backgrounds.

Working in ESG, there's a lot of conversation around "transferable skills". They impact social mobility in a huge way, but it's not something that we're really taught to be aware of.

Social Mobility = the ability to move up and down the social and economical ladder (i.e, "make a better life for yourself").

Transferable Skills = foundational abilities and knowledge that you can use across a range of situations, roles, and industries.

I'm gonna put this into practise, using a real life example (albeit in a bit of a Clauds way).

Imagine a drug dealer. We'll call them Charlie.

It's not the kinda job you'd typically put on your CV, but businesses are missing out by not harnessing the transferable skills.

Charlie makes their start selling street level w**d. They get a reputation as someone reliable, who sells decent stuff that isn't over-priced. Even better, they deliver!

At this point, Charlie is learning essential foundational skills: managing suppliers, customer service and lifecycle, public relations, marketing, branding.

Done well, this grows the business. Charlie decides that they want to branch out into other... products. They use some of their profits to buy harder drugs.

Now, Charlie's not an idiot. They've realised that it makes good business sense to be the best. By not cutting the product with crappy fillers, and by making it an easy, accessible service for the customer, they're building loyalty. I mean, they are breaking the law. Customer trust and loyalty should be a core business goal 👀

Within the first year of business, Charlie becomes a local king pin. Not only that, but the bobby's haven't even got a whiff of the operation.

By this point, Charlie is using solid business skills: risk management and mitigation, finances, planning and growth...

Charlie's doing well for themself. They have plenty of money coming in, and they're surrounded by friends and people they know. They have a great reputation amongst their network, and are treated with a respect they feel is earnt.

Now, say one day Charlie gets arrested. They get sentenced and serve time. When they get out, they actually want to give it a go all legit. Leave crime and drugs behind them.

What do they do?

Businesses won't hire them because of their conviction. They're instantly dismissed as untrustworthy, a risk, not worth the shot.

That's not even considering the nuance of the life experiences of an ex-drug dealer.

If we, as a society, want ex-offenders - or, frankly, any member of society that you deem as "undesirable" - to live a meaningful, legit, above-board life, we have to give them a fair shot.

Unless we tackle the systemic inequalities at play, and help our more vulnerable people understand what opportunities are out there, we're writing people off before they've even had a fair crack.

Obviously this is a more extreme example, but it's not "out there". It happens. There are some fantastic organisations and charities set up to help bridge the gap for minority backgrounds, but it's applicable to us all.

Do you have a hobby? Okay, have a look at what skills you use. Do you have to stick to a routine or manage your time appropriately? Are you part of a social group that operates largely in unspoken heirarchies (cough *equestrians* cough)? Perhaps you volunteer somewhere.

Lean in to your strengths, and use your every day activities to develop your weaker areas. These are all perfectly valid examples of ways to demonstrate your skills. This can be essential for anyone starting out, or who wants to do a career switch but doesn't know where to start.

Each of us contribute something to the world. Everybody has a purpose. Once you realise the power of transferable skills, you begin to see a lot more open doors.

-
PS: You might’ve noticed I didn’t use any gendered pronouns for Charlie. That’s deliberate. When we talk about social mobility and marginalised backgrounds, we have to make space for everyone in the conversation.
I don’t always get the language perfect, but this is a genuinely safe space for all minorities 🩷

When you can find joy in the little things, life begins to feel a little bit brighter 🩷
10/06/2026

When you can find joy in the little things, life begins to feel a little bit brighter 🩷

Day onehundred&sixty - I've been rained on everywhere I've gone today 😑I kicked the day off with a trip up to the farm, ...
09/06/2026

Day onehundred&sixty - I've been rained on everywhere I've gone today 😑

I kicked the day off with a trip up to the farm, immediately followed by a lovely coffee with mum and Aunty Heather 🩷

Then it was over to the job centre (waste of time as per🙃), back home to take the dogs for a run out, and then I headed up to Teesside Park to pick my laptop back up.

For most of this afternoon, I've been trying to get that set up. They had to replace the motherboard - it had fried the internal charging connections, somehow?! - and now I cannot for the life of me figure out how to set it back up! So, gonna have to somehow squeeze in time tomorrow to take it back to Currys🤦‍♀️

Between trying to sort that, I've been back up to see Belle, spent some time on court prep, and done an hour or so of writing.

A decent day overall 🙂

Pic of: me, mum, and Aunty Heather this morning 🩷

Did you know that there are people out there who are of the opinion that disabled people can't possibly have horses? Lik...
09/06/2026

Did you know that there are people out there who are of the opinion that disabled people can't possibly have horses?

Like, we must be segregated from any 'normal' people hobbies, duh. Our lives must be consistently truly miserable for us to be verifiably disabled in their mind.

Obviously, reasonable adjustments are solely for the workplace, where there can be a visible audit trail. Reasonable adjustments do not count unless they are rooted in the recommendation of an occy health report (unless there is no audit trail but the big bosses say they have gone above and beyond informally based solely on their own medical expertise, of course, in which case that 100% counts).

It is impossible for a disabled person to apply any informal adjustments to their own life, based on their individual needs and lived-experience of managing their own disabilities for years. Nope, sorry.

Did you not get the memo that we aren't allowed to leave the house and must hate ourselves on a molecular level AT ALL TIMES. (That's a big one btw. Disabilities must affect us badly, consistently, in order to be valid; no such thing as a good day, I'm afraid. You're just a fraud🤷‍♀️).

Now here's the crux of it:

Disabled people cannot have horses. Simple as that. If you have a horse, and 'claim' to be disabled, you're just a self-diagnosing fraud. Soz.

If you are genuinely disabled, well, you're s**t outta luck I guess. They've gotta go; get back to your solitary confinement babes xo

You see, as a disabled person - a disabled person who has more than met the criteria to confidently say "I am disabled" for nearly half my life; my whole adult life - I could have SWORN that I knew my body and my limits better than anybody.

I had thought that the years of tests, hospital visits, consultants, scans, MRI's, etc. would have counted for something. But apparently, according to some people, disabled folks can't have horses.

It's impossible. Too hard. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

-

Seriously for a sec, this post is clearly meant as tongue in cheek. But it highlights a very serious problem that disabled people face. I gotst the receipts, people genuinely think this🙃

It's hard enough being disabled and having to figure out your own way of navigating the world; we shouldn't need to factor in whether we're the 'correct' portrayal of what those around us think a disabled person looks like.

I am disabled. I need adjustments. If that makes you uncomfortable, or if I weirdly somehow challenge your perception of what a disabled person should look like, then that's on you. Touch some grass and listen to the lived experience of actual humans; not what some white paper report is telling you it's like living with disabilities🤷‍♀️

Pic of me with a random horse that is definitely not mine, because obviously that would be impossible if I was actually disabled.

If you relate, feel free to share🥰

Focus on growth, not perfection 🩷
09/06/2026

Focus on growth, not perfection 🩷

Day onehundred&fiftynine - missing Ireland, being brave, and looking towards the future 🩷Today had a good start, having ...
08/06/2026

Day onehundred&fiftynine - missing Ireland, being brave, and looking towards the future 🩷

Today had a good start, having a lie in with my little loves. A quick drive out this morning, followed by a bit of housework, a peaceful dog walk, and an hour or so writing.

One of the reasons I've been so anxious recently is because I needed to send an email. I'm crap with emails anyway, and this was a biggy. Today, I put on my big girl pants, wrote it out, and sent it.

I rewarded myself with a trip up to see my favourite girly, and to hear how she got on for Aunty Sam while I was away 🐴

Now, I've got the pleasure of spending the evening reviewing all the court evidence and compiling 'best bits' (for want of a better phrase!). Wish me luck!🤞

Pic of: our favourite summer pass time this afternoon, finding Belle's muzzle... Little Houdini that she is 🙃😂
(hint: it's supposed to be attached to a horse's head; not in the middle of a field🤦‍♀️)

Where do I go from here? | BlogGod, I really needed a break. I've said for months that I needed a break; I just didn't r...
08/06/2026

Where do I go from here? | Blog

God, I really needed a break. I've said for months that I needed a break; I just didn't realise quite how much.

My time in Ireland has been incredible. It was exactly what I needed. But, now that I'm back home, I feel like I'm at an existential cross-roads.

My anxiety has been sky-high all year. I'd largely put this down to my medication raising my baseline, and the weight of everything going on at the moment. Weirdly enough though, I haven't been anxious at all while we were away.

Now that I'm home, I can see things more clearly. I'm not where I'm meant to be.

I haven't spoken about France for a while. I'll do a full post on that in the near future, but the dream is still there. It's just been put on the back burner whilst I'm stuck in limbo, unable to really do much of anything until the court case resolves.

In short, the reason I'm moving to France is because I need a rural life. This holiday has cemented that for me.

I don't have any strong personal connection to France. It just ticked the most boxes; it was the best option to allow me to live a life that's right for me.

I want land. I want to be surrounded by nothing but fields and animals. I need peace, tranquility, and nature.

Having that in Ireland, and then experiencing the sharp contrast being back in Middlesbrough, has made me realise that my current situation is so much worse than I thought.

But now I don't know what to do.

Financially, I'm struggling. Like, really struggling.

Mentally, I'm struggling. Again, like, really struggling.

The most annoying part is that I just have to deal with it. There's sh*t all I can really do about it, for now.

For the last 15 months, I've been battling one of the most stressful situations imaginable. I'm taking a former employer to an employment tribunal, after experiencing what I believe to be disability discrimination and victimisation.

I truly value our legal system in England, so I can't elaborate more than that at this point. What I will say though is that I'm representing myself against a billion pound company. I mean, technically, a £4B company... I've had to read things about myself that no person should ever have to read.

It's tough. If I wasn't so stubborn (and therefore so committed to seeing it through to the end), I'd say the only way I see this ending is in a box. Genuinely, it has been horrific. The impact this has had on my life is astounding.

I've been on the waitlist for therapy on the NHS for over 14 months. I've been in crisis for much of that. I have explored any possible avenue for help; I'm repeatedly told "sorry, we can't help you".

I knew this was gonna be tough. I didn't, however, expect that, 15 months later, I'd be in such a dire position with my life on pause.

I didn't want to come home. I don't want to be here anymore.

I want to be living a life that isn't so draining. Heck, I simply want to be living. I want peace. I mean, I'm really not asking for much in the grand scheme of things 😅

Ireland has reminded me of where I'm meant to be. It has reminded me of what's possible. It's reminded me how much I'm missing out on.

Now, going back to the same sh*t routine of nothingness feels so much harder.

Something needs to change; I need to take steps towards making the dream a reality, but my feet are shackled and I am at the whim of a huge corporation focused on self-preservation.

Hmpfh.

Anyway, here's a few pictures from the most amazing few days away 🇮🇪

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