Rebecca Vivash Counselling

21/08/2026

Perhaps we’ve misunderstood what it means to be regulated.

Being regulated doesn’t mean never getting angry, crying too much, or having a big reaction.

It means having the capacity to feel what you feel without becoming stuck there and to find your way back to yourself afterwards.

You don’t need to make yourself smaller, quieter or less emotional to be “regulated”.

📝A little journal reflection:

What emotions have you learned to suppress or apologise for and what/who is stopping you from allowing yourself to fully experience them?

20/08/2026

Do you ever feel like you’ve spent so much time looking after everyone else, keeping things going and trying to get things right that you’ve lost sight of what you actually need?

Maybe you overthink conversations, worry about what other people think, feel guilty saying no, struggle to switch off, or find yourself wondering whether the life you’ve built still feels right for you.

When you're going through change, it can be hard to know what’s really behind how you're feeling and what needs to change.

That’s why I created the Thriving Through Change Wheel. It’s paired with a short quiz, designed to encourage you to pause and check in with yourself, helping you see where you’re coping, where you’re feeling depleted, and which areas might need more attention as you move into your next chapter.

Take the quiz and see what your wheel reveals:

Discover what you need most in midlife with our free self-assessment quiz. Explore self-worth, nervous system wellbeing, boundaries, confidence and change.

11/08/2026

“But I shouldn’t have to ask.”
If you’ve spent years being the one who notices, anticipates and takes care of everyone else, it can feel incredibly painful when you reach a point where you desperately want someone to do the same for you.
And often, there’s a battle with guilt too.
Guilt for saying no.
Guilt for resting.
Guilt for asking for help.
Guilt for putting yourself first.
So you keep giving, even when you’re running on empty while resentment quietly builds.
Rather than judging that resentment, can you get curious about what it might be telling you?

📝Journal prompts -

Do I believe I’m worthy of care when I’m not giving something in return?
Where did I learn that my value comes from being needed?

03/08/2026

On paper, life is good - the children are growing up, you've navigated career changes, relationship changes, ageing parents, menopause… lots of change but things are more settled than they used to be with the chaos of family life.

So it can be really confusing when you still feel on edge and can't seem to fully relax.

I've written a blog about why that might be, and why it often has far less to do with what's happening now than what your nervous system has learned over the years.

I hope it helps you make sense of it. 💚

Why do I still feel so on edge when life around me has settled?"It's a question I hear surprisingly often in the therapy room, particularly from women in midlife.On paper, life should feel easier. The children are growing up and becoming more independent. Perhaps you've worked hard to build your car...

12/07/2026

Your nervous system is always paying attention to the people around you.

Notice who leaves you feeling calmer rather than more anxious. Who allows you to be yourself instead of making you overthink every word. Who respects your boundaries, takes accountability, celebrates your growth and never makes you question your worth.

When you’ve experienced emotionally unsafe relationships, calm can feel unfamiliar at first. You might even mistake anxiety for chemistry or believe you have to work hard to be accepted.

The right people help your nervous system realise it doesn’t always have to be on high alert.

04/07/2026

Is anyone else missing Gareth Southgate on the side of the pitch with his trademark waistcoats?

I’ve always warmed to Gareth but even more so after watching ‘Dear England’, the docu-drama about his journey as the men’s England football manager. If the brilliant portrayal (have you seen Joseph Fiennes’ transformation?!!😮), is anywhere near accurate, it shows what the epitome of a great leader is in creating psychological safety within their team.

One of the first scenes shows ‘Gareth’ inviting his colleagues to share anything they need to say, with the undertone of absolute safety. He delivered some really difficult messages with real compassion, he wasn’t afraid of being vulnerable himself (Euro 96 💔) and although he expected the highest standards, he showed the utmost respect for his team members.

There are countless leadership lessons to take from Mr Southgate, but these are the ones that stand out to me the most -

🛡️Model and encourage vulnerability
🛡️Value your people over performance
🛡️Learn from mistakes, don’t blame
🛡️Encourage individuality
🛡️Connect your team members through shared purpose
🛡️Celebrate effort as well as outcomes

I do hope that Thomas Tuchel manages to continue with the culture that Gareth created - time will tell.

For now, I’m debating whether it’s a good idea to stay awake until 3am Monday morning 🫩

03/07/2026

One of the biggest misconceptions about healing from emotional abuse is that if you know you're safe, your body should feel safe too.

Unfortunately, that's not how the nervous system works.

After emotional abuse, your body can become wired to expect danger. It isn't choosing to overreact or make life difficult, it has simply learned that staying on high alert was the safest way to survive.

This is why telling yourself to "calm down" often doesn't work. You can't think your way out of a nervous system that's stuck in protection.

So we’re not talking about getting rid of anxiety or never feeling activated again. We want to helpi your nervous system to build enough capacity to recognise when you're safe, recover more quickly from stress, and spend less time in survival mode.

01/07/2026

I really enjoyed being part of this important conversation with the BACP (British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists), about the vital role organisations play in supporting employees to recognise the early signs of burnout before they become completely overwhelmed. When people are able to identify those warning signs early, they are better placed to seek support, make meaningful changes, and protect their wellbeing before reaching crisis point.

30/06/2026

Have you ever left a conversation thinking, "Why didn't I say what I really thought?" Or found yourself agreeing with someone who sounded so certain, only to realise afterwards that you didn't actually agree at all?

For many people, a very certain, black-and-white communication style can activate a freeze or fawn response. If you've learned that disagreeing wasn't safe growing up, your nervous system may default to staying quiet, keeping the peace, or second-guessing yourself.

Sometimes it's not even about the person in front of you. They may simply remind your nervous system of someone from your past who felt intimidating, critical or emotionally unsafe.

It’s important to remember that confidence isn't the same as correctness. Someone speaking with certainty doesn't automatically make their opinion more valid than yours.

The more you understand your nervous system, the easier it becomes to notice these moments, pause, and ask yourself, "What do I actually think?"

24/06/2026

One of the best parts of my job is witnessing the profound transformations in my clients.

EMDR is one of those therapies that can be hard to explain but what they do find certainty in is that their memories don’t feel quite so overwhelming anymore.

The anxiety isn’t debilitating anymore, they stop feeling constantly on edge and feel lighter, calmer and more manageable.

It’s incredibly humbling to watch my clients find immense relief after struggling for years.

🤩This lovely testimonial made me smile: