10/10/2026
Morning all
I hope that everyone is well and taking care of themselves.
Today is World Mental Health Day and the theme this year is around lived experience and listening to each other as a way to build awareness.
In the same way as we all have physical health, we also all have mental health and that will include us as staff and the patients we look after. There may be times in our lives where our mental health is better or worse and this can be due to a number of reasons. For example, when we are under stress whether at work or under financial pressures, moving home, going through a relationship break up or a bereavement, these will likely impact our mental health.
Though we may not want to share our personal circumstances with others we can have an open appreciation that at any time someone may be going through something and this can help us to build empathy into our engagement with others at all times. It is not necessary to know the circumstances to be able to offer kindness.
One of the biggest things we can offer to people is our ear: to listen to them.
In a world saturated with opinion, noise, and immediate advice, listening has become a lost art.
When we talk about Mental Health, the emphasist is usually on opening up, but that is only half of the equation. A story requires a receiver. For a person to speak their truth safely, someone must be willing to hear it without judgment, interruption, or the urge to fix it.
That is where empathy begins.
So why is it so hard?
Most people do not listen to understand; they listen to reply, to evaluate, or to resolve. When a friend or loved one shares a heavy emotion, our instinct is to jump in:
"You should try doing this..."
"I know exactly how you feel, the same thing happened to me..."
"At least it isn't as bad as..."
These responses usually come from a place of genuine care. We hate seeing people we love in pain, so we try to construct a bridge out of their discomfort as quickly as possible.
However, from a psychological perspective, jumping straight to solutions or silver linings can feel like invalidation. It communicates: Your pain is uncomfortable for me, so I need you to wrap it up. And that is very common. Most people feel out of their depth when it comes to speaking about emotions and difficult experiences and often worry that their response will make things worse
When a person feels listened to, their physical state changes.
When they feel misunderstood, judged or dismissed, their nervous system enters a state of fight, flight, or freeze.
Physiologically, the heart rate rises, breath becomes shallow and their emotions take over.
When you sit with someone, offer your full attention, and validate their experience, their nervous system registers safety. Deep listening tells the other person’s brain: "You are safe here. You do not have to fight to be understood."
When safety is established, emotional processing begins, allowing the person to reflect, integrate their experience and find their own clarity of words to share.
So what can we do differently?
Listening and empathising isn't about solving a problem; it is more about the individual sharing their experience in a safe way. Before offering advice, ask yourself whether you are giving them a suggestion for them or whether you are trying to minimise discomfort (for you or them). You may consider saying something like this instead "I don't have all the answers, but I am right here with you."
Instead of steering the conversation toward your own stories, acknowledge the emotions that they are describing such as "it sounds like you found that upsetting" in a way you would usually talk, not like a robot. Doing this demonstrates that you are listening and not just waiting for your turn to speak.
In conversation, a pause can feel awkward, prompting us to fill it with words or solutions. A pause gives the speaker room to digest what they just said and dig deeper into their thoughts. Try and sit in the silence for a moment even if it is uncomfortable.
Be curious about someone else's experience, even if it sounds similar to something you have been through, we all experience things differently. It is important not to judge how someone else processes things. Instead, simply provide the space for them to talk if they need too and be prepared to listen.
It will make a bigger difference than you can imagine.
Maybe you can try this with someone in your life? Offer the gift of your presence this World Mental Health Day.
And as always, look after yourself.
Kendal x
