03/06/2026
The Sweet World of Making Excuses: Why We Stay Stuck and How We Can Begin Again
After a long break spent working alongside local authorities, facilitating parenting groups, and providing supervision to future professionals, I find myself returning to a subject that appears repeatedly in therapy rooms, community settings, and everyday conversations.
The sweet world of making excuses.
It is a world we all visit.
Before you stop reading and think, "I don't make excuses," consider some of the statements we tell ourselves:
"I can't book that holiday because I want to lose weight first."
"I'll call my friends when they call me."
"I don't have time to go to the gym."
"I can't justify a spa day."
"I don't have enough money."
"I don't have anyone to go with."
"I'll start when things calm down."
The list is endless.
What's fascinating is that most excuses don't sound like excuses. They sound rational. They sound responsible. They sound sensible.
In psychology, we often refer to these as defence mechanisms or avoidance strategies. They are unconscious ways of protecting ourselves from discomfort, uncertainty, disappointment, vulnerability, or fear. They help us maintain a sense of emotional safety, but they can also become the very barriers that prevent us from living fully.
The reality is that most people already know what would improve their wellbeing. They know they would benefit from exercising more, connecting with friends, taking breaks, pursuing opportunities, travelling, resting, or asking for help.
The challenge is rarely a lack of knowledge.
The challenge is fear.
The Psychology Behind Excuses
Human beings are remarkably skilled at creating narratives that justify staying exactly where they are.
One psychological concept that explains this is self-handicapping. We create obstacles, explanations, or conditions that allow us to avoid taking action. If we never start, we never risk failing. If we never try, we never risk disappointment.
Another relevant concept is avoidance behaviour. When something feels emotionally uncomfortable, our brains naturally seek relief. Avoiding the situation reduces anxiety in the short term, which reinforces the behaviour. The problem is that what provides temporary relief today often creates long-term dissatisfaction tomorrow.
Many of the excuses we make stem from three fundamental beliefs.
1. We Have an Unrealistic Relationship with Time
Many people live as though time is guaranteed.
As though there will always be another year.
Another summer.
Another opportunity.
Another chance.
Psychologically, this is known as the illusion of permanence. We behave as if tomorrow is promised and as if we can postpone our lives indefinitely.
"I'll travel when I lose weight."
"I'll wear that dress when I fit into it again."
"I'll enjoy myself when things are better."
Yet the dress remains in the wardrobe for ten or fifteen years.
The holiday remains unbooked.
Life remains on hold.
The uncomfortable truth is that none of us own time. We borrow it.
We often behave as though we are invincible, but more importantly, as though we are immortal.
We are neither.
2. We Delegate Responsibility for Our Wellbeing
Many people unknowingly place responsibility for their happiness in someone else's hands.
"I'll call them when they call me."
"I'll go if someone comes with me."
"I'll feel better when my partner changes."
"I'll be happy when my circumstances improve."
This is what psychologists call an external locus of control—the belief that our wellbeing depends primarily on external factors rather than our own actions.
While relationships and circumstances certainly influence us, healing begins when we recognise that our emotional wellbeing cannot be outsourced.
No one else can consistently prioritise your needs if you are unwilling to do so yourself.
Taking responsibility can feel frightening because it means acknowledging our own power.
And with power comes accountability.
3. Fear Keeps Us Attached to the Familiar
Perhaps the most powerful force behind excuses is fear.
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of judgement.
Fear of change.
Fear of stepping into the unknown.
Our brains are wired to seek safety and predictability. Even when our current circumstances make us unhappy, they are familiar. The familiar often feels safer than the unknown.
This is why people remain in unfulfilling jobs, unhappy relationships, unhealthy routines, and limiting patterns for years.
Not because they enjoy suffering.
But because uncertainty feels more threatening than familiarity.
The comfort zone is rarely comfortable.
It is simply known.
The Cost of Waiting
What concerns me most as a therapist is not the excuse itself.
It is what the excuse costs.
Every day spent waiting for the perfect time is a day that can never be recovered.
Every year spent postponing joy is a year that cannot be reclaimed.
Some people spend decades imagining what life could have been if they had taken a different path.
Others spend their lives waiting for a future version of themselves to arrive before they allow themselves permission to live.
The thinner version.
The wealthier version.
The more confident version.
The less anxious version.
The reality is that life is not happening in the future.
Life is happening now.
If you allow your thoughts to consume you with what might have been, what could have been, or what should have been, you risk missing the only moment that truly exists: the present.
And unlike many things in life, time cannot be refunded.
There is no opportunity to reset yesterday.
But there is always an opportunity to begin again today.
Resetting the Clock
Therapeutic change rarely begins with a dramatic transformation.
It begins with a decision.
A decision to stop waiting.
A decision to stop negotiating with excuses.
A decision to take one small step.
Today.
Not next week.
Not next month.
Not when you lose weight.
Not when you have more money.
Not when somebody joins you.
Today.
One practice I often encourage is to reset your emotional and psychological clock each morning.
Find three things you are grateful for.
Write three affirmations that remind you of your strengths, values, and potential.
Take one small action that your future self will thank you for.
Small actions repeated consistently create powerful change.
Over time, you begin to notice a shift.
A new energy.
A renewed sense of purpose.
A deeper connection to yourself and the present moment.
What Can You Do Today?
The question is not:
"What could my life have been?"
The question is:
"What can I do today that I missed yesterday?"
Today is not about becoming a completely different person.
It is about taking one step towards the person you already have the potential to become.
If you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, lost, disconnected, or trapped by the same cycles and excuses, know that change is possible.
Sometimes we simply need support to identify what is holding us back and the courage to take that first step forward.
I am here to support individuals, children, families, and anyone who feels ready to reset their emotional and psychological clock and begin again in a mindful, practical, and compassionate way.
If you are ready to step into a new version of yourself, reach out.
Together, we can reset the clock.
After all, we live every day.
We only die once.
Call now to connect with business.
