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Autist At Work

Autistic & ADHD Ma research Student: studying the intersection of performance art and neurodivergence at University of Birmingham. P/T Support Worker.

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02/06/2026

Many moons ago, I was a photographic assistant and becoming a photographer. I was studying a photographic degree at The University of Westminster. I didn't complete the degree and shortly after withdrawing from it, I had a breakdown. Fast forward to now and my youngest son is studying for his photography A level and so passionate is he about photography, that he is interested in my photographic past. Yesterday, we visited and the Henry Fox-Talbot museum of photography and sat in the botanical gardens where we talked about the black and white photographs I took for my degree, I explained how I made 16 x 20 prints of them and then painted over them in blocks of colour. My son has been trying to encourage me to pick up a camera loaded with black and white film, to take pictures and then develop them. I imagined using XP2 film with its fine grain, almost invisible and its wide and forgiving exposure latitude. Today, I was talking to my study mentor about the degree I am doing now, an MA in research looking at the pathology of autism through performance art and as I was talking to her, images flashed through my mind of my old pictures from before my breakdown, my curled up body, wearing only DMs, with splashes of purple paint around the form and the pictures I could take in black and white now, my body in bandages and the performative action of painting over huge prints. Black and white photography could be combined into the piece I am making about the pathologisation of autism, when I make my film, merging images and film together. Using my photography could help me to express myself differently. Black and white images are a step away from reality, I feel the subject is elevated and the eye drawn to other details such as shape, form, structure and texture, colour although enjoyable can be overwhelming, black and white is selective and like lighting in the theatre controls what the viewer sees. I am excited about combining photography and performance in the piece that I create. My study mentor said I might not remember all this and I should write it down. So I have now.

21/05/2026

What happened? A minute ago, I was just finishing my A levels, now I am on my last day of being 55 years old and I am on the downward trajectory towards being 60! Or is it all uphill from here? In the last year, I have been awarded a First Class BA Hons degree in Theatre Studies at and I am now studying my research Masters examining the medicalisation of autism through performance art at . I am continuing in my career as support worker and using creativity through storytelling, video and ideas to enhance the lives of the people we support. I have been awarded Discovery Inspiring Person of the year award for best practice 2025 and I am further exploring what my future career could look like through the innovative career development programme at called ASPIRE! When I look at my face in the mirror, I see my lines of deep expression (otherwise known as wrinkles), and my silver strands of wisdom (you might call them grey hairs). They remind me that time is passing and that to keep smiling is the best alternative to a face lift as I defeat gravity by raising the corners of my mouth! In the past year, I have started Zumba after a long break with a new instructor to me, and found a way to enjoy singing without having to be perfect through where I take the person I support but also in my own time I now attend their Gospel choir events and PrP weekly choir! I am comfortable in my skin as an autistic person but felt that autism wasn't the whole answer and just yesterday was diagnosed Adhd as well, which makes complete sense! My life now isn't the one I imagined when I was 18, I couldn't see any other way to use my creativity, other than being on the stage but now, I have found and created a life where my life is calmer, more stable and I am able to be myself and enjoy the gifts I was given and share them in a way that doesn't end up destroying me. I think, the eve of one's birthday is just as good a time to start celebrating as any, so my celebrations will begin this evening at supper time! Best to spread it over two days, as quite frankly it's just exhausting trying to cram it into one day!

04/05/2026

Looking adorable.

09/02/2026

A walk through .

01/02/2026

This is my Ah February is Finally Here face. I've got a bit of makeup on, funny how putting something on the exterior can help the interior feel a bit better! I really, really cannot wait for springtime! Hopefully I won't complain as much about the clocks going forward as I did about them going backwards. I actually went to Kilver Court today and looked around imagining I could buy anything I wanted and that's where the shopping experienced stayed, in my brain! There is an amazing shop there though where the pieces are mini works of art, "beautifully curated", I told the people at the tills, feeling I had to give them something, even if it was only a cheery compliment. I have spent several weeks writing only 1000 words about the medicalisation of autism but have many corrections and ideas to expand on in my feedback. My thesis will need to be 20,000 words. So, looking at it mathematically, I have to go through that process 19 more times, in the next year and a half. I suppose there will be bigger chunks though. Studying is a strange beast there is the fear of writing in case it is wrong, there is the splurge of ideas like a release, then there is the carving and sculpting of the ideas, synthesising the research and plucking out the best supporting quotes, carving and sculpting and perfecting and then the joy of submitting and then the coming back down to earth again as you process all the comments and corrections! Then the fire of ambition that builds and says, "Yes, I can do this better" and then you start the cycle all over again.

02/01/2026

More lights in because saturating yourself in glittery lights and treating the world as if it is one big sensory room is what is "normal" for this time of year.

01/01/2026

A beautiful walk through this evening, admiring the twinkly lights on the first day of this new year. Appreciating the pink and feeling in the pink too.

31/12/2025

2025
The year of a fresh new start in my personal life.
The year we found a new cat, Kuro, from
The year I completed my First Class BA Hons Theatre Studies degree, at
The year I convinced
to let me do my research Masters examining the intersection of performance art and autism.
The year I won a practice leader Inspiring People of 2025 award at for the ideas I implemented in my role as support worker, harnessing my creativity to make videos and even a book, as learning resources.
The year my youngest son got through his GCSEs, into college and started studying his A levels and passed his driving test first time.
The year my oldest son got ever closer to finishing his degree and learning more and more about himself and others along the way and discovered his love of learning about everything in this world.
Not every year can be such a big year but I knew this was going to be a very good year and I am very grateful for it.
💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

24/12/2025

Just to say Happy Christmas to you. I wish you a peaceful, restorative time with yourself, your family or your friends. Please take time to appreciate all the positive moments you have had and anything positive that is happening right now. The darkness surrounds us so that we can appreciate the light. Whether Christmas is your festival, or not, I hope you have a lovely one. Remember, it is not about perfection, it is about being in the moment and feeling blessed. I hope you feel blessed. Love to you all.

13/12/2025

It is ok for things to be imperfect. On the last day of the deadline to send in some definitions for my study, I started honing the writing I had spewed out of my brain onto the screen and knew I'd be finished by the end of the day. Then the exhaust fell off the car that Elijah uses on a 60mph piece of road. When I arrived on the scene, Elijah was trying to make the exhaust smaller to fit into the boot but I opened the boot and Elijah could see how it could fit diagonally. But I had a doctor's appointment in the next 20 minutes. It's hard to remember things that aren't my routine anyway, so I was using a massive amount of bandwidth on ensuring I managed to get to the Doctors. After the doctors, I finally got home at about 5pm, and had completely forgotten the Friday film night, which is every Friday, with Elijah's Dad! By the time I reached the sanctuary of my couch, I was exhausted. I looked at my books on my table, waiting for me to reference them and to complete my definitions of neurodivergence and neurodiversity. I was depleted. I sent in my definitions incomplete. I gave myself permission to send in work that I knew was not completely correct and very far from perfect. I am not recommending this for when you are near the end of your degree but to put things into perspective, I am at the beginning of my Masters. I reframed this as a learning experience where it was a reminder to give myself a false deadline a week before the real one and to de-ice my fear by implementing my slapdash technique, where I pretend not to care. I think this is a timely reminder to us all, when the pressure is on to create a perfect Christmas, step away from the pretty perfection shown in films, narrow down the parameters and remember your mental health comes first. My festive season is actually so narrowed down that most of it is in my head, unseen by the world. Christmas is overwhelming and doesn't have to be cinematic perfection. Just like this picture blurry and out of focus, imperfection has its own value...perfectly imperfect, don't let your Christmas spiral out of control, appreciate what you have, be grateful for your blessings and joyful for all that is good around you💗

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