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New Moon Counselling

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New Moon Counselling

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New Moon Counselling provides a gentle and professional service. With over ten years experience. I also work with Relationship Recovery.

My Name is Francesca I am a fully trained Counsellor and Psychotherapist. I specialise in Bereavement Counselling with over 10 years experience in this area. My approach to counselling is predominantly Person Centered and Intergrative. Please be advised that all posts are my opinion, based on experience and are there to provide an alternative insight in a non clinical way. I hope that in raising the issues I bring up that people will talk and not feel stigma for doing so. They are also not a substitute for therapy, Nor are there designed to cause offence. If you are worried about your Mental Health please contact your GP.

19/09/2026

If we weather the storm of others, we potentially can sink too!
The Boat Man/Woman
You will know this person by the following,
• They often seem to go from crisis to crisis.
• They continually repeat the same issues time after time.
• They will pester you until you answer.
• They don’t tell you when good things happen, you will hear that from someone else.
• The they have a negative stance on life, if you say something positive, they will come straight in with a negative.
• They do not consider your responsibilities to be equal or greater than theirs, in their minds they are the priority at all costs.
• If you have a crisis they can’t cope, they will say something like “It will all, be ok don’t worry” The next sentence will be them and their issues.
• You will feel exhausted and drained after every encounter, we were in their Boat!
Now yes, the above does have narcissistic elements but as this word has been overused in the incorrect way so much recently, we will focus on how we get past being in the Boat and the feelings this brings.
The boat analogy can also apply to those watching those dealing with addiction.
The Boat Man/ Woman can feel like a toxic relationship; you know someone is abusing your kindness but because of your own moral compass you continue to help. Leaving you with feelings of being taken advantage of and hollow.
You are their Designated Rescuer, however being in that boat with them, is crushing it can take over your life, have a massive effect on your day, it may even start to build resentment and affect other areas of your life.
To overcome this, we must become the Lighthouse we guide from further away, we are not in troubled water that is not our life, we are not in the storm. We are firmly on the ground, shining brightly guiding others from a safe distance.
Taking a different stance slightly further away can sometimes encourage the Boat Man/ Woman to change. Sometimes they will never change but because you are now out of the Boat you can safely help from a distance.
When we look closer into this, we are of course talking boundaries but as promised before I am not going to quote lots of Jargon!!!!
However, this may encourage you to re-evaluate your own boundaries?
This is just a reminder that when we get bogged down by the continual woes of others remember to be the Lighthouse, remember where you are and stand strong. Our lives are our own, we can light the way for others even inspire.
Keep shining, be that Lighthouse and have a wonderful day x

07/09/2026

Are you a People Pleaser?
Saying No expanded my world! Would that not make it smaller?

If you are reading this you may already know what is to be a People Pleaser, in brief it Is when we always fulfil the needs of others over ourselves.
This comes from a deep worry that if we don’t people wont like us, we will lose the love and respect of friends, colleagues and family. We will be judged.
It often leads to burn out we will exhaust ourselves as the fear of rejection or disappointing others is worse than exhaustion. This sadly is so deep and heart felt it can be part of your entire being.

One of the big issues with this is that we can go to the ends of the earth for people and there is no thanks or gratitude, but we will always find a way to rationalise that person’s behaviour they were tired etc. We may even rationalise ourselves by saying I don’t do it for the thanks I do it for me.
As the above is deeply complex I feel I should write about this another time.
The reason for the brief outline above is to massively emphasise how hard it is for a People Pleaser to say no especially if the People Pleaser is also an Overthinker!!!!!!
Saying No, is very jolting to some, but I’ll let you into a secret once you start you become curiously cheeky, smiling like you have gotten away with stealing the last piece of cake when nobody was looking. A small rebellion if you will.
This continues to grow.
It becomes empowering and not in the over used version of the word, more of a different perspective.
Not to sound morbid but we have limited time and limited energy so if we think of it almost like the battery symbol on our phone where do we put the time and energy and how does it look?

So, let’s imagine a full battery and we spend that day giving it to other people, the time the energy. We neglected ourselves maybe even added pressure to already existing responsibilities, by for filling everyone else’s expectations and demands.
At the end of that day, we feel robbed cheated and exhausted and no deep sense of achievement or real value. No Battery No Energy!

Now a different day we filled our day with our own responsibilities and managed to help a friend for a short time, we got a walk, started thinking about a new project (anything from a holiday to organising a kitchen draw !!) enjoyed doing homework with the children and now at the end of this day yes, the battery was low but our energy was higher!

We feel better when we enrich our own lives. It’s not a crime, you are not a bad person. It’s ok to say No! this isn’t to be rude or shirk responsibility it is about being more self-aware and enjoying your life not living continually for others.

At times this mindset can organically highlight relationships that have ran their course and that’s ok too. Sometimes by learning to say No we create space and how we fill it is where the excitement really begins. What will we do with that time?

Best wishes wonderful people

05/09/2026

Are you an Over Thinker???
I wanted to share some wisdom that I received some time ago.
It really resonated with me so I felt I should share with you.
Now I like many people am prone to overthinking, at times the thoughts in my head have been overwhelmingly loud. When this happens, I would spend a lot of time being busy and not getting anything done weird I know but I’m sure some of you can relate.
I would worry and stress about doing something, all the related possible outcomes, what people would think, what if it went wrong, I could procrastinate for hours and then feel like it was too big and then feel a huge amount of anxiety.
I found when I was tired or stressed it was much worse.
I was then given this simple advice which I do to this day.
If you’re thinking about it.
Do something about it now!
If you are not dealing with it right now stop thinking about it now!
Until another day and enjoy the day, you’re in!
Now this is very simple advice but my goodness it really work.
Initially If anything, I began to overthink about the times I have wasted overthinking!!!! A real face palm moment I agree but nevertheless very helpful advice.
I have found that by choosing not to procrastinate I do not apply the feelings to it, saving myself from the release of stress hormones in my body and anxiety building in my stomach.
I still have moments where I remind myself of this advice as it takes time re wire our brains, but I can say with absolute honesty that this advice has helped my overthinking mind and some of my fellow Over Thinkers.

04/09/2026

A Glimmer
When we are in the depths of bereavement, depression or even very overwhelmed it seems like nothing will make us feel happy again, nothing makes us feel light-hearted or bright. Sometimes the feelings we experience are so intense there is just no room for any other feelings.
At times this is an unconscious thought other times we do not permit ourselves to experience these feeling for all sorts of reasons, vulnerability, fear, guilt, bereavement.
To navigate through this can be very hard, how does one get from deep sadness to happy again?? In the deepest depths it can feel like being in the bottom of well wanting to get to the top, but the steps are invisible!!!
Now I don’t mind sharing with you every morning I say three things I am and grateful for however in times of deep sadness this is an impossible task. If someone asked me to do that when I was very overwhelmed or grieving, I think I would have got rather cross. The request at such a low time seems to big and frankly quite idiotic even if the intentions were helpful!
So, I introduce – The Glimmer
The Glimmer is the smallest of things you notice; it might not register as a smile on your face. There maybe the slightest internal smile, or for a split second you recognise something stopped/ distracted you from your intense feeling just for a moment.
Examples of a Glimmer
After crying all day, I stepped out and felt a lovely cool refreshing breeze on my face, and I thought that feels lovely.
My friend hugged me a little longer than normal, my shoulders lowered a little and I felt calm for a moment.
A plant in the garden I have been looking after has started to bloom.
Despite not watching football now, I heard my team won.
My friend made me a cuppa and that first sip really hit the spot more than normal.
Now these all seem like little things, but when we are in the darkest of times these Glimmers can be so helpful, you could say it was being mindful however during periods of intense emotion I don’t think we are mentally able to commit to being mindful all the time.
So instead, when a Glimmer happens quietly register it, it’s yours and maybe add it into your diary, or a little notebook at the side of your bed notice at the end of each day the Glimmers you had.
You may have one a day to start with and that’s ok, they will grow in time.
Why is it called a Glimmer?
Because when we are in the dark all we need is one Glimmer of hope to begin the journey to where we wish to be.
Who knows this post might even be a Glimmer for someone.
Wishing you all a very peaceful day
x

03/09/2026

Just for today!
Hello and welcome back
Due to a relocation, it’s been a while since I have posted.
With the beginning of a new month and a new season sometimes it’s a good time to press pause and reflect and take stock of where we are.
For various reasons our mental health can make us feel very low at times. Grief, anxiety, stress. It can seem so overwhelming and often a journey we do not share with others.
Through values set by family and friends, our social constructs and the worst culprit ourselves we often feel pressure on what we should be doing!
I should go to that social event, I should clean the kitchen cupboards out, I should do all that paperwork right now. I should I should I should!!!!!!
Those of you that know me know my thoughts on Should’s and Could’s if not this is something I will go into later.
Sometimes we are not mentally in a place to do all these things. It doesn’t mean you are less of a person. So, I ask as we reflect on where we are is to firstly start to relieve the internal pressure by changing the way we talk to ourselves.
It starts with “Just for today”
For example,
Just for today I am going to do something small for me. (have a cuppa in the garden)
Just for today I am going to only answer my phone to urgent calls.
Just for today now the kids are back at school I’m going to watch my favourite programme.
For people really struggling
Just for today I’m going to brush my teeth and make myself a sandwich
Just for today, I am going to have a shower
However, this resonates it’s important to talk to ourselves kindly and be mindful of how easy it is to be wrapped up in our thoughts.
So maybe take some time just for you and think
Just for today …………..

04/04/2024

How to stop a Panic Attack!
For those of you who have had a panic attack, you will know how terrifying it can be, from heart racing, chest pains, clammy hands, even your legs buckling it can be very frightening. The key thing with regular panic attacks is to know the signs of when it’s coming and take steps to get out of it before it takes hold.
Sometimes, due to circumstances we don’t always get that opportunity.
So, what can we do, my friends, let me introduce you to the FLOP!
This wonderful piece of advice was given to me by a pilot of all people, it was a technique used on people who had panic attacks on flights. It’s a simple mind trick.
Sit down and slump, flop like a rag doll, let your arms hang loosely and flop your head forward, the more you embrace this flop the better, feel the weight in your head, hands, and legs. Breathe in for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 6. (The breathing may take a while to slow but don’t worry the main thing is the FLOP.) Stay like this for 10 mins.
You will be surprised how fast this works, but where does it come from? You may have heard of the fight, flight, freeze response, this is another addition it's submission.
Have you ever seen dogs playing and one goes on their back, submitting, I’m not fighting! It’s a similar thing that we are doing. The reason it works is because of a chemical message to the brain, we are not fighting running away or freezing. This message tells our bodies to cut off the adrenaline supply now and that danger has passed. Hence why it takes 10 mins of the flop. We are tricking our bodies that we don’t need that adrenaline.
I have found this very helpful and hope that it may help another.

02/04/2024

I want to help but don’t know how?
Sometimes we see the people we love going through the worst times but don’t know how to help. If you’re reading this, you might have already been in this situation and felt helpless despite desperately caring. Sometimes it can come from not going through a similar experience, so it can make it hard to relate, alternatively it can be we just experience things differently and that’s ok too.
A good example of this is Anxiety. A woman was desperately struggling with anxiety when trying to explain it to her mother she was not getting anywhere, some of this was generational the mom had been part of the “well you just get on with it”. Generation.
The mom, seeing her daughter’s despair asked her what it feels like for her.
After giving it much thought, the daughter said “you know how it feels when you lose your phone mom and you have that panic, I feel like that all the time. So, from that if you ask me to make decisions or be around people I’m still in that original panic, so anything else feels stressful and overwhelming.
The mother could now understand a little of what her daughter was going through and now says the key words. “What is the best way for me to help?”
The daughter replied with” Please…
Don’t phone me all the time, just a text for now and I will call when I’m ready.
Don’t assume I am going to social/ family events at the moment. Be understanding of why I can’t.
Don’t turn up, if I feel overwhelmed, I may have gone to bed and don’t want to be judged if you turn up in the middle of the day and I’m in bed.
Don’t ask me lots of questions.
Most of all thank you for understanding my feelings and being there in the way that I need. I Love You”.
This gave the mom tools to help in a way that was comfortable and acknowledged that her mom cares and wants to help.
Please be advised this is an example many of us feel Anxiety in different ways and receive help in different ways.
This can be applied to people that are stressed, depressed and grieving.
Understand/ acknowledge the feeling and ask what is the way they want to be helped.
However, be prepared that some people don’t want to be helped at that moment or may not even understand their feelings yet. Don’t push be mindful that just because your ready to help the person they might not be receptive.
This is purely advice that might be helpful, I have personally found this helpful throughout my counselling career, but it isn’t a cure all for everyone.
Remember we are all wonderfully individual.

23/03/2024

Breathe For Calm

How often do we think about breathing, truth is we do it automatically don’t we! So often we don’t register how we are breathing. The power of how we breathe can have huge benefits on our body and mind.
If you’re stressed, anxious, feeling low, struggling to sleep, this simple exercise may help.
This is not a cure for anxiety, depression, insomnia, or stress but can help in the short term.
First, get comfortable whether sitting or lying down. Focus your mind on how you are breathing. How does it feel? Fast? Shallow? Deep? Holding tension anywhere? The shoulders, stomach, face?
Now whilst you are focusing on your breathing.
Breathe in for the count of 4.
Exhale for the count of six.
Repeat 5-10 times.
Now look at you’re breathing again, you should feel much calmer, repeat as needed.
This exercise does so much for the mind and body.
Including this exercise as part of your daily routine either during the day or even before bed can help reduce stress, anxiety, and even lower cortisol levels.

Breathe in the calm.

22/03/2024

Holding On
We often hold on!!!
We hold on to so much, to negative feelings, bad memories from our past, friends that are not real friends. Bitterness of bad relationships.
Sometimes when we are trying to move forward with our lives, we think that holding on makes us strong, like we are the better person or it defines us and makes us who we are. Or somehow, we deserve it? However, there comes a point when you look at that rope how does your hand look? sore, painful, tired. Ask yourself why I am staying with this pain. Does this serve me?
Now imagine letting go!
How freeing that feels, you deserve that feeling. Freedom. Ultimately this is your life and holding on is energy that could be invested in better things.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy and can go against the grain of your personality, it may even take time. Keep the visual of the rope in your head.
Let Go

12/03/2024

Hello everyone.
My sincere apologies for my lack of posts, due to a serious operation and recovery I have been unable to take any clients or maintain my profile.
I am happy to advise that I am back and booking clients. I look forward to hearing from you and sharing all aspects of counselling and mental health issues.
Kindest Regards
New Moon Counselling

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