29/05/2026
Many of us were trained in childhood to not dwell on our emotions, to ‘be a brave girl or boy’ ‘suck it up’ and in many cases this followed us into our school days and beyond and if left unnoticed, can be passed down through the generations.
Why this reluctance and fear to feel?
It’s far easier to avoid, distract and extinguish our feelings with addictions than to face them head on and understand them, which is why many do this and may also be ‘therapy avoidant’.
Facing these often terrifying emotions, the experiences they are attached to and the anxiety they’ve caused is essentially the main role of therapy, making sense of them, acclimatising to them, understanding and eventually reincorporating them as resillience, wisdom and truth, to enable clients to live a more fulfilled and satisfying life.
On reflection, having our emotions validated, heard and responded to in healthy ways in infancy and childhood would have been the ‘therapy’ received in our teens and/ or adulthood today, those self soothing inner resources would be in place, so a need for a therapist to provide these essential components, wouldn’t be there.
I would estimate, most of the clients we support at varying degrees, are in need of reparative support, a reinforcement of autonomy, empowerment, resilience and self compassion to reacquaint or maybe even introduce them for the first time to their fully functioning self, where trusting themselves is central and the relationship to self is strong.
The process takes as long as it needs to take and requires determination and courage, clients may also end therapy and return when they’re ready to continue, as healing from deeply repressed emotions and experiences is not linear.
The therapist and good enough parent analogy, is one of dependability a constant and trusted person, a fortifying presence who models boundaries and a valuing of self.
