15/05/2026
A long but thought provoking post for Mental Health Awareness Week. With thanks to the inspiring author for bravely sharing her story.
🩷❤️🧡 Fundamentally well & sharing the following with a pre warning about content … along with the promise of a happy ending.
Tough to read in some places, tougher to write.
More words than some may wish & as ever, welcome to skip, scroll or shimmy away at any point.
One of the many joys of life is having choices, something not gifted to all.
*****
The backstory :
In 2020, I lost my keys, my mind, my glasses and the will to live.
A decision to come off HRT in the pandemic without seeking medical advice was almost lethal.
Hormone depletion led to intense sleep deprivation that dragged me into the darkest of places.
Heartbreaking for those I love the most.
Beyond thankful to have survived.
Only a few know just how tightly and how often I was holding on by the thinnest of threads and how often I teetered on the edge.
Without the love, support, patience friendship & belief of others I would not be here today tapping on tech.
Hard to write, but at the start
of , it feels right to share this along with news about next STEMtoSTEAM steps.
There isn’t space to thank everyone in this post - but you know who you are and one day, when I finally write ‘the book : ‘ My name is Carole, not she ’ you’re there.
Beloved Dave at the top 🩷
*****🧡❤️
Yes, we live in a time when mental health crisis are understood as having the potential to undermine every single aspect of life … or to have a more minimal impact - depending on circumstances and condition.
No two people are the same. No two situations are either. There are few simple solutions and what some think that they believe is happening may be so far from the reality that it can make things worse - even with the best of intentions.
In my case… what seemed like a simple decision led to a Pandora’s box, including unresolved trauma that left me unravelling faster than I could breathe.
Some life long; some due to locking intense grief & loss away; some due to bullying, intimation or exclusion by some in positions of authority where we live … patterns of power re playing.
The weight of exhaustion combined with stifled suppressed pain became too much to carry.
As Dave said, then amplified by doing too much too often for too many for too long for too little, placing myself below ground level.
My error.
Over time, my sense of self emptied like an oxygen cylinder, diminishing by the day until I felt worth ‘ less’
This, despite the unbelievable love and care of those closest to me.
The above barely scratches the surface of sketching out just one persons experience of a living nightmare.
Let alone witnessing it.
It’s a tiny glimpse of what it felt like when my fundamental health fell through the gaps.
In my case, I recovered - made it back - and forward with a far fuller understanding than before, both in the sector and in what helped me, what hindered and what I now take responsibility to ensure.
It didn’t happen overnight, but over a couple of years.
Not without weeping over the losses, regrets, the pain caused for others who did nothing wrong and the pain created by some who chose to do the opposite.
Not alone, the first or the last.
In my case, supported by some of the kindest people on this planet - including close family, friends & colleagues.
Not for a day, or a month, or even a year.
Some totally unexpected.
Giving time selflessly, endlessly beyond any expectation & with far more care than a number of clinicians whose actions fell short.
The kindness, commitment and skill of my GP, Dr Heaton was far ahead of some in the specialists who I barely met - yet who were empowered to change meds too fast for my system to handle.
Some ill qualified, some patronising, some too careless by a mile & a half.
Some entrusted with caring in places with fancy names & promises made a frightening experience even more dangerous.
Tragic seeing the condition of others with less support.
I never thought that such a serious fundamental decline could happen to me - too few reasons on the surface - but yes - too much buried for too long.
Unable to deconstruct what happened and to work out how to deal with it - including the nastiness close to home that added to a toxic situation.
Not wishing to add pain to others - despite their actions, so staying ‘ private ‘ not public - up to now.
If you have never been in this situation, I hope that you never will.
Not everyone who experiences crisis survives - or becomes so ill that life feels unbearable.
Some ‘handle it ‘ sooner or better than I did. Some avoid situations that put themselves on the line.
Thanks to so many true professionals in their field including the Kelly Foundation, Lucy B, My GP, Toby S , Alex, Lo, Suzanne A & Marilyn T.
And yes …I am back on HRT too and very grateful that I can be.
It is different for everyone - but I feel certain that some of the learnings along the perilous path can be of help to others.
Starting with the words and tone that we choose to use.
****** 🌷
Yes, words are my ‘ thing ‘ & I rarely underestimate their impact , especially in the times when they count the most.
I’ve written before about how little separates such profound differences … just one letter between President & Resident - just a P.
One powerful - the other too passive for me ( yet to discover a new word )
Just 2 letters lie between Fragile and Agile … a reminder that as humans we often float between the 2.
In recovery, I became increasingly aware of the impact of language on my wellbeing.
Some sentences - diminishing, brushed aside, demeaning or invisible.
Sometimes intentionally so - most often just habitual or casually clumsy.
Some - uplifting, encouraging, giving hope, strengthening self belief in the possibility of a life beyond the pain.
Sometimes intentional, sometimes instinctive, sometimes just very funny and bringing a smile along with a sense of normality - unexpectedly rare.
Some words carry baggage and bias, stigma and a sickly sense of separation.
For me, the word ‘ mental ‘ sadly falls into that category whichever way I try to use it, whatever preface or sandwiched start & end - it remains stubbornly stuck.
With a strong belief in the potential
of language to create a sense of greater equality and respect, I began to consider opportunities for shifts in the way that we talk about mental illness.
From mental to ‘ fundamental health ‘ - because without the latter, life can vanish in a heartbeat.
Without feeling valid & sharing values, it’s harder to move forward than it may need to be.
***** 😊🌷😊
8 years ago, I began my quest for STEMtoSTEAM & each co hosted supper has been inspiring, thought provoking and led to actions.
Series 1 Topics include :
Creativity for all
The impact of music on the human spirit
Increasing creativity in Aerospace
The language of politics
Wellbeing at the waters edge
Life, death, humanity & creativity
The importance of the built environment on human health.
It’s fair to say that I’m so glad that this is ‘ my gig ‘
Grateful to 99.9 % of STEMtoSTEAM of co hosts, guests & advocates.
Those who said “ we’ve got your back “ when I could barely lift my head up from the floor made more of a difference than they may ever know.
So fortunate.
If reading this makes anyone feel sickly, please ‘ unfriend ‘ here for both of our benefit.
Feeling an affinity at some point of life doesn’t mean being glued for ever in cyberspace & if it’s too hard to understand impact with empathy - it makes no sense to stay ‘ here ‘ in this space.
It took a long time to recognise that protecting our own spaces & the wellbeing of those we love is a right - in my case - essential for my life to remain as solid & happy as it is these days.
It took my life nearly ending to ‘ get here’ & life is far too precious to fritter or to engage with ‘ bitter’
So … all good & delighted to share that
The 1st of my STEMtoSTEAM co hosted Suppers : Series 2 for 2026 includes
“ Critical communications & the chance to create change “
Looking forward to an evening with an eclectic mix of people & seeing just how far we can take this … from A to Z
******* 🧡🌿🩷
In the meantime, in this special week …
Be well,
Listen to your instincts,
Seek advice from brilliant GP’s if needed,
Don’t allow anyone’s words or presence to hurt or harm you,
Focus on hope & harmony in their place
Breathe
Never give up
With love
Carole Bent
Xx
