05/07/2022
“How Are You?” is my most read blog. I wrote it in 2016. Mental health awareness has increased since then in line with the significant turmoil and stresses the world has faced. The words resonate even more strongly today, so I share some excerpts below:
“How Are You?”
I received this simple message from a friend today and it paralysed me.
It suddenly felt like a very loaded question. I delayed responding. I did not want to answer because I did not know how to. I wrote back a little while later, “I kind of feel these days that it depends who’s asking as to the answer I give.”
It was the most honest response I think I have given all year.
As mothers, wives, daughters, friends and colleagues we are so many things to so many people. As we juggle our daily tasks, different people see different sides of us. For the most part we want to keep a brave face. Be strong and upbeat and appear calm. Give people confidence in our abilities. Smile brightly and make people feel happy. Because we believe that positive energy given out will mean it will be returned in larger doses.
“How are you” is normally asked with brevity, and answered the same way. “I’m fine”. “I’m great”. “Kicking goals.” People often ask it as they are running off to do another chore, with only time to hear a quick response. These people do not ask you how you are because they except you to pour your emotions out to them. It would be highly awkward and uncomfortable for all parties if you did.
There is an overwhelming sense of expectation to be different characters for different people in our lives, be they family, friends or business associates. I have realised that the more I ask “How Are You”, the more I can recognise when “All good” means “not good at all”. And “OK”, means “not great”. More and more, people around me are withdrawing into themselves as a way of avoiding honest expression.
We need to ask “how are you” with the intention of listening wholly to the answers we receive. Be kind. Listen. Be love.
