Kirsty Fernandes - Honouring Māmā

06/07/2026

I just turned 40 and it felt like an important time to be very intentional about how I would celebrate.

I think I’ve gone into every other birthday thinking about what’s expected of me and how I ‘should’ celebrate. I don’t know if it’s the inward state of Winter and Winter Solstice, perimenopause, the reality of turning 40 or just stepping into myself more and more, but my capacity and tolerance is reduced. I have things I really don’t feel willing for any more (like giving more than I can, like ignoring my inner voice that’s telling me to stop/say no/not do that thing, like feeling like it’s my responsibility to do and be all the things). My energy is sacred. My capacity is limited. I have to choose wisely where and with who, I spend it.

So this time - I answered some reflective questions about my birthday and I shared the answers with my husband. What came out of it was a wonderful few weeks of all the things that I truly desired - nourishing company, ceremony and ritual, gifts that spoke to my soul, delicious food, connection and time to reflect. It has been the best birthday ever. 

When you’ve been conditioned to please, not be an inconvenience and suppress your boundaries and needs - asking for what you want/need is a radical act. And can be deeply uncomfortable. It’s a muscle to keep flexing. And it’s likely to be clunky to begin with. There’s also likely to be backlash initially - people that relied on your yeses and feel confronted or disenfranchised about your noes will not enjoy it. That’s a sign you’re in the right place. You’re taking some choice, power and autonomy back - in the best of ways. Keep going. Your life is yours to claim. 

Boundaries, needs and desires is something that I come back to again and again in my support of parents and often surfaces in our births too. If this resonates, feel free to book in a free 15 minute chat to see if we’re a match and I can support you to move with more ease and flow and get more of what you want, happening in your life. 

Website: www.honouringmama.com

06/07/2026

I just turned 40 and it felt like an important time to be very intentional about how I would celebrate.

I think I’ve gone into every other birthday thinking about what’s expected of me and how I ‘should’ celebrate. I don’t know if it’s the inward state of Winter and Winter Solstice, perimenopause, the reality of turning 40 or just stepping into myself more and more, but my capacity and tolerance is reduced. I have things I really don’t feel willing for any more (like giving more than I can, like ignoring my inner voice that’s telling me to stop/say no/not do that thing, like feeling like it’s my responsibility to do and be all the things). My energy is sacred. My capacity is limited. I have to choose wisely where and with who, I spend it.

So this time - I answered some reflective questions about my birthday and I shared the answers with my husband. What came out of it was a wonderful few weeks of all the things that I truly desired - nourishing company, ceremony and ritual, gifts that spoke to my soul, delicious food, connection and time to reflect. It has been the best birthday ever.

When you’ve been conditioned to please, not be an inconvenience and suppress your boundaries and needs - asking for what you want/need is a radical act. And can be deeply uncomfortable. It’s a muscle to keep flexing. And it’s likely to be clunky to begin with. There’s also likely to be backlash initially - people that relied on your yeses and feel confronted or disenfranchised about your noes will not enjoy it. That’s a sign you’re in the right place. You’re taking some choice, power and autonomy back - in the best of ways. Keep going. Your life is yours to claim.

Boundaries, needs and desires is something that I come back to again and again in my support of parents and often surfaces in our births too. If this resonates, feel free to book in a free 15 minute chat to see if we’re a match and I can support you to move with more ease and flow and get more of what you want, happening in your life.

Website: https://www.honouringmama.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirstyfernandeshonouringmama/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KirstyFernandesHonouringMama

Thank you so much for being part of this community. I appreciate you!

Sending you so much love and compassion and honouring all that you’re doing always,

Arohanui,

Kirsty

29/06/2026

What you shine a light on…grows

I attended a development course once around public speaking. Most of us went into it understandably nervous and some with a deep-rooted fear of speaking in public. What we uncovered in that workshop actually changed the trajectory of my life, but that’s for another time… After spending the day in this workshop together, we had the task of telling each other what we loved about the other’s speeches. NOT what needed to be improved. So, for example, if I got up to speak, and I knew my topic really well, but I said “um,” a lot. Well, when you gave me feedback, you’d talk to me about how well I knew the topic, and you wouldn’t mention that I said “um” all the time. The rationale behind this is that “what we shine a light on grows” (just like plants). So if I got feedback that increased my confidence in my ability to communicate the topic well, then my “ums” would naturally fall away or lessen over time.

I’ve been talking to my kids about this today and it made me think about parenting. Sometimes when we focus on the super tricky moments with our kids, we can’t even see the glimmers – those moments when they are kind, empathetic, so in touch with themselves and those around them. We can only see what feels hard, challenging or confronting. And it applies to us too – have you been focusing on all the ways you’re parenting in ways that you don’t enjoy? Or have you been shining a light on all those moments when you feel proud of how you’ve responded?

Parenting can be really hard. And most of it is rooted in the relationship we have with ourselves – our inner voice or our inner critic – but what if we had an inner cheerleader?! “Wow, that was so hard, and you did so well!”
“You should be so proud of how you responded to that!”
“Look at you resting, I’m proud of you listening to your body’s needs!”

Wouldn’t that just feel so different – in our bodies, in our minds, in our hearts?

If you’d like me to walk alongside in your parenting journey with love and compassion, I’d love to hear from you.

Sending you so much love and compassion and honouring all that you’re doing (I can guarantee it’s WAAAAY more than you think),

Kirst ###

10/06/2026

08/06/2026

Sometimes when my children are having big feelings, I am totally lost. I don't know what to say. I'm not sure how to respond. I don't know how they want to be met in this moment. Sometimes I think I know, and I say the wrong thing, or I say it too soon. Or I misread the whole situation. Sometimes I am frustrated or tired or feeling totally done. Sometimes - especially when - they are very deep in feelings, I KNOW that reason/rationale thought/logic is not needed. It cannot be taken in from this place. I need to wait for the storm to pass before we delve into this part. And sometimes, I still go there anyway because I'm feeling frustrated or at capacity or I'm not in the thinky part of my brain either😅🤦‍♀️

Often it’s not about saying the right words - it’s solely about presence. Presence and silence can sometimes be more powerful, more validating, more reassuring than saying anything. Sometimes it’s all our kiddos need to move through what they’re moving through. It’s the steadiness of sitting in their storm with them, so they’re not alone and they know they can make it through. It staying when things feel messy, unclear, unkind, confusing and horrible. It's being their soft place to land when everything else feels hard.

AND, oh boy do we need to be so resourced, held and supported ourselves to be able to do this. We need someone to stay when we are feeling messy.

I do that 🙂

If you'd like to connect, please send me a DM, or pop onto my website and book a free, no obligation 15 min chat to see if you resonate with my approach.

Website: https://www.honouringmama.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirstyfernandeshonouringmama/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KirstyFernandesHonouringMama

11/05/2026

Mother's Day can feel really big and bring up lots of feelings. We can feel sad, happy, grateful, resentful, blessed, heartbroken, confused, conflicted. We can want closeness or space. There's no right or wrong. It just is. However you feel is totally valid.

I hope that this Mother's Day, you were held in the ways that you uniquely needed. And if you weren't, I'm holding you in my heart too. ♥️

Sending love to all ✨️

10/04/2026

The same birth experience can land in two people in completely different ways.

Two parents, same room, same moment - and one can walk away feeling like: “I had to fight to be heard,” while the other might feel: “I can ask for what I need.”

Neither is wrong. Both are real.

This is why I think the intersection between birth and parenting deserves so much more space than we tend to give it. We don't just carry the facts of what happened (in our birth or our child’s), we carry what we made it all mean. And that meaning often becomes a quiet (or loud) story we tell ourselves, sometimes for decades.

A long labour might become: “my body doesn't know what to do,” or it might become: “I am stronger and more resilient than I ever realised.” (and who defines what a ‘long’ labour is?)

An unexpected intervention might become: “things always go wrong for me,” or: “I learned to let go of control and fully trust.”

For me, my pregnancy with my second child thrust me into the medical system in ways that I did not want. It was so deeply uncomfortable for me AND it helped me really find my voice, to advocate unapologetically for myself and to uncover deep trust in my body and my baby. And that would not have happened, had I not met other challenges in my pregnancy with my first child. All of it served me in some way, even though it was near impossible to feel that at the time. Even when the system was trying to convince me otherwise, I learned, “I have a voice, I have a choice.”

After sitting with our own experience, we can sit with our children, and realise that they have had their own unique experience, separate from us. How it landed for us might be different to how it landed for them. Both are valid. Both can exist alongside one another. Same event. Different stories. And we can honour both.

We also have the power to change our own story. We can actively choose to internalise and frame our birth and our child’s birth, differently. This power comes when we are willing to sit with what we’re currently making it mean and how that’s showing up in our lives and if that’s what we truly want to keep on repeat.

Birth debriefing - and exploring how our birth stories are showing up in our parenting - can be such a powerful way to step back into that knowing. For us, and for our children.

I'd love to hear what comes up for you when you read this - feel free to PM me or reach out at www.honouringmama.com

03/03/2026

It's the last day today to register for my Aware Parenting Support Circle! If you'd like 16 weeks of nourishment, feeling heard and held, actual strategies to support your parenting and a community of like-minded parents cheerleading you on... join us! www.honouringmama.com/aware-parenting-support-circle or use the link in my bio

A pic of me at a recent girls' weekend wearing an op shop wedding dress (that they chose!), because if we're not having fun and taking care of ourselves too, what are we even doing here?!

03/02/2026

Yes! First broccoli that grew and didn't go to seed or turn out weird or get eaten by bugs before it had a chance to grow!