23/05/2025
3 steps to start your emotional regulation journey:
1. Pause the impulse: when you’re emotionally activated you have a default (autopilot) way of reacting. It’s subconscious and wired into your nervous system since childhood. Ex: shutting down/giving silent treatment, spiraling or panicking, dissociation etc. Just notice it and say out loud to yourself “Pause. I’m here in my body. I stay here and take no action.” Breathe slowly from your belly.
2. Name your brain: I dive deep into this in my first book . Your thoughts aren’t truth and they’re not reality— they’re reflections of your polyvagal state and your conditioning. If you name your brain Jessica, say to yourself “Jessica is creating the story that ________.” This separates you from your thoughts and gives you space to do the next step.
3. Take healthy action: now that you’re re-wiring neural pathways, the final step is to take new again. When you’re emotionally activated, you probably reach for ice cream, wine, or dissociated scrolling— and that’s ok. That’s how you learned to cope. Now you’re going to practice self soothing in a way that makes you feel better and empowered, not worse and shameful.
NOTE: THIS STEP MUST BE VERY SMALL (drinking a full glass of water, getting your skin into the sun, journaling, or a walk.
Emotional regulation takes lots of practice, patience, and self compassion.
Bookmark and keep practicing. In a few months you’ll be amazed at your own resilience