Claudette Psychologist

20/08/2026

Why you keep having the exact same argument (and how to stop) ⬇️

 
❗Do you ever feel like you are speaking two completely different languages during a conflict?

📌 In attachment-focused couple therapy, we look past the surface-level arguments. We don't just focus on what you are fighting about—we look at how you are disconnected.

📌When a conflict sparks, your brain treats emotional disconnection like a physical threat. Your survival instincts kick in instantly:

•        The Anxious/Protest Response: "If I don't get you to respond to me right now, I am abandoned." (This looks like criticism, pursuing, or escalation).

•        The Avoidant/Withdraw Response: "If I stay in this room, I will be consumed or rejected. I need to freeze to stay safe." (This looks like shut downs, stonewalling, or leaving).

📌The tragedy of this cycle is that both partners are actually screaming for the exact same thing: safety and connection. But the way you protect yourselves ends up triggering each other more.

 

🔁The Shift:

The next time you feel the cycle spinning, pause. Look at the cycle as the enemy, not your partner. Name the fear instead of throwing armor at each other.

"I'm feeling disconnected, and it's making me feel unsafe."

"I'm feeling flooded, and I need a moment so I don't say something hurtful."

When you heal the attachment bond, you stop trying to win the argument, and you start protecting the relationship.

CoRegulation MentalHealthMatters RelationshipAdvice  SecureAttachment CommunicationTips

11/08/2026

❗Betrayal blindness is a sophisticated survival skill, not a sign of weakness or stupidity.

Many of my betrayed clients are critical of themselves for not recognising or "ignoring" the signs that the relationship might have been hurting them.

However this is an unconscious process where the brain hides a loved one's deceit to preserve a relationship that the nervous system depends on.

You are not to blame. This is not a personal failure - your brain could not hold two truths at once and chose the one that it deemed was safest for you in that moment.🫶🏽

✔️

15/07/2026

📌 Triggers are unique to each person struggling with addiction.

📌 Whilst one person might struggle with internal triggers such as anxiety, shame, boredom, someone else might have difficulty with certain situations like having difficult conversations, social contexts or specific locations.

📌 This is why having an individualized trigger response plan matters - discovering your particular triggers and effective coping skills accordingly.

❗Whether you have just started on your recovery journey or have been struggling on your own for a while, why not reach out for a free 15min alignment call today.

13/07/2026

This resonated so much with me that I had to share - for the many strong women that I support, and those that are becoming.... and of course all of the strongs in my personal tribe 💪🏽

📌 The one huge misconception about being a strong woman is that we "don't feel anything", that nothing gets to us or that "we don't need anyone or anything".

❗This is the furthest from the truth! Strong women hurt, they need and want care too.

📌 However what sets them apart is that when challenge comes their way they choose to embrace it in the midst of feeling alone, they choose courage in the midst of fear, they choose hope and faith in the midst of the unknown ... and just like that, the result ➡️ the muscle stretches ➡️ GROWTH ➡️ STRENGTH ⬆️

There is no shame in being labeled STRONG, own it, celebrate it 🎉.

❤️

10/07/2026

📌Relationships heal when partners are willing to change

📌Healthy partners acknowledge and accept the hurt caused and do the work to confront themselves ➡️ change and grow.

📌A unhealthy partner blames the other, and sees the expression of hurt as judgement and criticism

📌Relationships require trust, safety, being seen, heard and understood.... as well as commitment and actions that demonstrate this.

❗This is not a high bar, these are relational basics 101

❗Attachments bonds are not destroyed because of ruptures, they perish because of refusal to do the ongoing work required to repair these ruptures.

Share this with someone who needs to hear this today.

07/07/2026

Most people who want to recover think that desire or motivation is enough to stay sober.

Unfortunately this is not enough to ensure that you don't relapse.

📌The brain and the body are still vulnerable immediately after stopping the addictive behaviour.

📌Additionally giving up the very behaviours that helped one cope with stress means that if you do not have appropriate alternative coping tools your risk of relapse increases.

This is why developing an individualised recovery plan unique to you matters.

05/07/2026

No one can force or motivate you to change.

Change requires moving from

Deception ➡️ honesty
Pride ➡️ humility and vulnerability
Defensiveness ➡️ tolerating what's uncomfortable
Blaming others ➡️ responsibility and ownership

You cannot force someone to change it takes their

📌Awareness
📌Acknowledgement
📌Acceptance
📌Actions that show work and effort

23/06/2026

04/10/2024

Happy Children's Day 👣

To all the precious little ones and the child in us all - You are loved, You are valued, You have purpose and significance, You are a gift to the world, You are enough !!

As you treasure your children today remember this is what a child needs :

Safety and Connection are the primary needs of all children. They are like two sides of the same coin -

💑 The need to feel physically safe, in a home and living environment that is not physically dangerous or threatening, causes fear or stress. Consistent and adequate basic needs such food, shelter, clothing and education

💑 Emotional safety - consistently experiencing warm and loving parental relationships that are unconditionally accepting, non judgmental. A space where all emotions and experiences can be felt and expressed - a space for a child to be their authentic self.

💑 Stable, consistent and predictable connection - a bond with parents/significant others where a child feels seen and understood, even when they don't understand themselves, they can look into the emotional mirror of these relationships which help them to make sense of themselves.

💑Emotional regulation is a key feature of safe connections characterised by parents who are attuned to what's happening for their child, can help to facilitate expression of emotions, to name, make sense of and provide coping mechanisms.

💑 Apart from regulating emotions safe and healthy connections involve seeing and supporting other aspects of a child's development such as body (nutrition, hormones, physical wellbeing etc), mind (unique aspects to how this child thinks, learns and needs stimulation etc), and spirit (beliefs, values, sense of purpose and meaning)

It sounds like a tall order when most of us parents are wounded children ourselves but awareness and conscious parenting helps us to pay attention to and heal our own childhood needs so that we can in turn show up in the way that our kids need us most!

02/10/2024

Great book - dispelling myths and tackling issues that people find uncomfortable to address even in the safe and nonjudgmental therapeutic space.