05/29/2026
Sometimes it’s really hard to know if that uncertain, urgent feeling firing in your brain is discernment meant as an alarm of present concern or irrational fear from unhealed past trauma. This is part of what makes healing from betrayal so complicated.
But there’s a statement my counselor has given me that truly helps me find clarity: “If you smell smoke, there is a fire somewhere.”
You don’t have to see the fire.
You don’t have to know all the details around the source of it.
You don’t have to know how big the fire is.
Rebuilding trust requires an absolute refusal on the other person’s part to fan any kind of flame from that past terrifying season.
Don’t accuse.
Don’t lose your mind over it.
Ask questions and operate with your eyes wide open.
Just don’t lie to yourself in the midst of inhaling the acrid stench of valid concern.
You are not crazy.
You are alert to reality. And you will now admit to yourself and trusted wise friends that smoke is staring you in the face.
You are brave and strong enough to do this. Now, don’t panic. Just ask God to show you what that reality is.
I’m praying you remember, you are worthy of more than scraps of love.
And that you remember, it is not unloving or unforgiving to finally say, “this is not acceptable.”
