08/22/2026
Okay, I’m going to do something that feels mildly terrifying. 😂
I have been quietly working on a book. And by “working on a book,” I mean I somehow now have actual chapters instead of the imaginary book I’ve talked about writing for years. 🤣
I’m not ready to send the whole thing out into the world yet, but I thought it might be fun, and maybe useful, to let a very small handful of people read a chapter or two as an early sneak preview.
I’m not really looking for someone to correct every comma at this point.
What would help me most is a reader who will actually tell me:
Did you want to keep reading?
Did anything confuse you?
What made you laugh?
What hit you emotionally?
Was there anywhere you wanted more - or somewhere I lost you?
In other words, I’m looking for honest readers, not just cheerleaders. ❤️ Although cheerleading is still appreciated because apparently writing a book is scary as hell. 😂
I’ll probably only choose a few people for now so I don’t overwhelm myself with twenty different opinions while I’m still writing it.
If you’ve followed my story for a while and would genuinely enjoy reading an early chapter or two, leave me a comment or send me a message.
No promises that I’ll choose everyone this round, but there will probably be more opportunities as the book gets closer to finished.
And yes…I am apparently really writing the damn book I talked about all those years in the videos.
Working title and subtitle is: The Girl Who Kept Waking Up -
A (Not-So-Super) Hero's Journey Through Hell and Back (to Herself)
Warning: agreeing to this position may result in receiving unfinished chapters, inappropriate amounts of profanity, emotional whiplash, and occasional appearances by several different versions of me arguing with each other. 😂
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Before We Begin
This is not a book of health advice. It is not a spiritual instruction manual. It is not an exposé of everyone who ever hurt me. And it is definitely not the collected wisdom of Guru Christie. Thank God. 🤣
This is one person’s story, one persons body…One person’s dreams – some literal, some metaphorical, some wildly optimistic, and some completely ridiculous in hindsight. It is the story of an average human being trying to become human. Not enlightened, not perfectly healed, not fearless, not finished…Just… human.
I spent a lot of my life trying to become something extraordinary…Strong enough, smart enough, successful enough, useful enough, spiritual enough, healed enough and certain enough. Some version of myself who would finally arrive at the place where everything made sense and I would know who I was.
It took me much longer to understand that becoming fully human was extraordinary enough. There are things in these pages that I believed deeply at the time and understand differently now. There are things I was confidently wrong about and things I accidentally got right. There were things I thought I had healed that came back around for another visit…things I called endings that turned out to be beginnings. And things I called signs that may have been signs.
Or coincidences.
Or hope.
Or desperation.
Or my own mind trying to make meaning out of a world I didn’t understand yet.
Sometimes I still don’t know. That is part of the story too. There were also more than a few moments when I thought:
THIS IS IT. I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT.
Spoiler: I had not. 🤣
I kept mistaking rebirth for graduation. Every time I survived something, learned something, healed something, or saw the world differently, I thought perhaps this was the final version of me. Then life would come along and introduce me to another question…and another Christie.
I am not offering my life as a template for yours. If anything, this book is evidence that there may not be a template. What worked for me may not work for you. What I believed at one point may not even be what I believe now. My body is not your body. My spiritual experiences are not instructions for yours. My survival does not prove that suffering is necessary. My mistakes are not commandments. My answers are not universal answers.
This is simply a close look at what it can feel like to be a human being trying to become herself while life is still happening.
The self-doubt.
The ridiculous overconfidence.
The fear.
The certainty.
The grief.
The bad decisions.
The really good decisions I almost didn’t make.
The moments I wanted desperately to be rescued.
The moments I refused help I probably needed.
The people who helped me.
The people who hurt me.
The people I misunderstood.
The people who misunderstood me.
The dreams I chased.
The dreams I outgrew.
The strange little things that kept me going when I had absolutely no idea why I was still going.
And the questions that kept opening doors inside me long after I thought I already knew the answers. For much of my life, I thought waking up meant finally seeing the truth….ONE truth, THE truth, THE FINAL ANSWER! Now I think waking up may be something much less glamorous. Maybe it is simply becoming willing to see what we could not see before.
Maybe it is being willing to admit: I was wrong.
Or: I don’t know.
Or: That saved me once, but it isn’t saving me anymore.
Or: I thought this was who I had to be. Maybe it isn’t.
Maybe awakening is not the moment we become certain. Maybe it is the moment certainty stops being required. This book leaves questions because my life left questions. And I think questions may have changed me more than answers ever did.
– What happens when being wrong stops being a threat to who we are?
– What happens when we stop expecting ourselves to become finished products?
– What happens when strength no longer means pretending nothing hurts?
– What happens when we learn to need people without disappearing into them?
– What happens when we trust ourselves without assuming every feeling is fact?
– What happens when we allow a dream to change shape without deciding that means we failed?
– What happens when we stop asking: “Who am I supposed to become?”
and start asking: “Who am I becoming now?”
I don’t know. That is kind of the point. This is not a map out of Hell. It is not proof that if you do what I did, you will end up where I did. It is not a prescription for healing, spirituality, survival, success, happiness, or enlightenment. It is simply one human being saying: This is what the road looked like from where I was standing.
Sometimes I was walking, sometimes I was crawling, sometimes I was completely sure I knew where I was going, sometimes I was driving a broken van toward a place I had never heard of because a voice in my head said something that sounded like a destination. 🤣
Sometimes I was brilliant and sometimes a total idiot. 🙂 Frequently, these occurred on the same day. That may be the most human part. Maybe something in these pages will remind you of your own road. Maybe you will recognize yourself in one of my mistakes. Maybe you will recognize yourself in one of my dreams. And maybe you will disagree with me completely. Good.
Maybe one of my questions will become one of yours. Maybe you will look back at some earlier version of yourself with a little more compassion. Maybe you will realize that changing your mind does not make the person you used to be a fraud. Maybe it simply means you kept living long enough to see something else.
Water does not become dishonest because the river bends. Neither do we. I do not want you to finish this book knowing how to become me. God help you. One of me has been plenty. 🤣
I hope you finish it a little more curious about becoming you. Because this isn’t really the story of how I found myself. I kept searching for a finished self in a life that was still happening. There was never going to be only one self to find.
There was the girl, the mother, the workhorse the sick woman, the woman in the wheelchair, the woman who thought she healed herself, the woman who thought she knew all the answers, the woman whose brain forgot some of the questions, the homeless woman, the artist, the cook, the dreamer, the frightened woman, the absurdly brave woman, the woman who wanted to die and the woman who kept noticing beautiful things anyway.
And eventually, the woman looking back at all of them and realizing…They were not failed versions of me or separate identities, They were me. Every one of them could only see from where she was standing. Every one of them handed something to the woman who got up next. So perhaps this is simply the story of an ordinary woman learning how to be a human being.
A strange, contradictory, hopeful, frightened, stubborn human being who kept asking:
What if?
Why?
Why not?
What am I missing?
What if I’m wrong?
What happens now?
And somehow, curiosity survived certainty. I did not become superhuman. If anything, I became more human. And I am still becoming. And so are you…
