Christians in Recovery

06/03/2026

A Trust Problem

Feeling Safe My need to control uncovered a truth I was blind to. I didn't trust God or the people who love me. Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalm 56:3 I was listening to a speaker and started meditating on what she said. She shared that one of the reasons she argued in relationships was because she felt out of control....

Feeling Safe My need to control uncovered a truth I was blind to. I didn’t trust God or the people who love me. Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalm 56:3 I was listening to a spea…

06/03/2026

My need to control uncovered a truth I was blind to. I didn't trust God or the people who love me.

A Trust Problem
Feeling Safe

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalm 56:3

I was listening to a speaker and started meditating on what she said. She shared that one of the reasons she argued in relationships was because she felt out of control. As soon as I heard that, I knew that was me. It was almost like I could finish what she was saying without ever hearing it. I felt like there was a huge spotlight shining on me and God was saying “This is you pal.” I realized that my first reaction in conflict was to defend and argue my position and beliefs. And I know it was because I felt out of control. As I meditated on it more and thought back on my relationships, I realized that my initial reaction when I feel out of control was always to fight. I felt attacked and would immediately defend myself and argue my position because being in control made me feel safe.

Quite honestly this became a huge problem in my marriage. A few years back, my relationship with my wife wasn't the greatest. Our communication was suffering. We loved each other very much, but we argued a lot. We both love God. We're both in recovery. We were both trying to do our best. We would pray about our problems and sincerely want things to be different, but somehow we would find ourselves having the same arguments over and over again. Many of the arguments were over stupid things too, that really didn't matter. Then those little things would turn into "a thing" themselves. It was insane. I would get frustrated and honestly couldn't understand why we kept getting stuck repeating the same pattern. Last year, I decided to start applying some recovery principles to my marriage more intentionally. One of those principles was simply considering the possibility exists that my wife could be right. Another was accepting things as they are instead of insisting they be the way I wanted them to be. Many times that meant keeping my mouth shut and listening instead of immediately responding, defending myself, or acting like a victim. The results were remarkable. Our relationship improved dramatically. We argued less, enjoyed each other more, and experienced a level of peace that had been missing for a while. Secretly, I thought it was because I was being “recovery man” and I patted myself on the back, because in my mind I was working my recovery. Is that pride? Yes! I am embarrassed to admit I thought this way, but I am just being honest. I was told early on that true healing comes from being completely honest.

Initially, I made those changes because I wanted peace in my relationship and didn't want to argue. I was practicing recovery principles, keeping my mouth shut more often, and trying not to react. In my mind, that was why things were getting better. And there is some truth to that. But as I reflected on what the speaker said, I began to see something I had missed. One of the recovery principles I was trying to practice was considering the possibility exists that my wife could be right. But it was only an intellectual acknowledgement, because I never really considered that she might actually be right about me. For years she told me that I wasn't taking responsibility for my part in our conflicts. I heard her words, but I mostly dismissed them as her trying to work my program. I would apologize and not give it another thought, and secretly continue believing that the real problem was not me.

As I got honest with myself, I began to see that my need to defend myself and argue wasn't really about being right at all. It was about trust. When I felt out of control, I felt unsafe, and when I felt unsafe, I tried to regain control by defending my position and convincing others to see things my way. What I am learning now is that I don't have to do that. I can trust God. I can trust that the people who love me are not my enemies. I don't have to prove my point or win every disagreement to feel safe. I can listen. I can consider that someone else might really be right, even about me. The more I learn to trust, the less I feel the need to control. And the less I try to control, the more peace I experience in my life, my marriage, and my relationships. What I once thought was a communication problem seems to really be a trust problem, and learning to trust is bringing a freedom I never found through arguing, defending, or trying to be right. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, thank You for showing me that I don't always have to defend myself. Help me let go of the need to be in control. Teach me how to trust You when I am afraid, and to trust those who love me. Amen.

06/01/2026

Rethinking Love

What Love Looks Like Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be said. Sometimes love listens quietly as someone tells their story. Knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 1 Corinthians 8:1 Recently I was reading through Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. One section that jumped out to me was talking about not beating ourselves up for the ways we learned to love and relate to other people....

What Love Looks Like Just because something is true doesn’t mean it needs to be said. Sometimes love listens quietly as someone tells their story. Knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 1 C…

06/01/2026

Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be said. Sometimes love listens quietly as someone tells their story.

Rethinking Love

Knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 1 Corinthians 8:1

Recently I was reading through Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. One section that jumped out to me was talking about not beating ourselves up for the ways we learned to love and relate to other people. It wasn't offering an excuse for unhealthy behavior. It was offering hope. It said that if I learned unhealthy behaviors as a child, I could also learn to replace those with healthy ones. As I started thinking about that, it led me to ask myself a few questions. Where did I learn how to love? How do I know what love looks like? How will I know if I am giving love and receiving love?

As I explored those questions, I finally started to see where my behaviors came from. For years I even dismissed my behaviors by saying, "That's just the way I am." Somehow, in my mind, that justified being dismissive, passive-aggressive, condescending, sarcastic, or critical. The confusing thing is that inwardly I really wanted to be caring, compassionate, and loving. Many times I honestly thought I was helping people. I would tell them what they needed to do, explain how they could fix their situation, or quote a scripture verse that applied to what they were going through. I'm not saying the advice was always wrong or that the scripture didn't apply. But just because something is true doesn't mean the way I delivered it was compassionate, or that it needed to be said at all. I was sharing from knowledge and not from experience. Then a Bible verse came to mind. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. That stopped me. I realized that I wasn't always sharing because people needed to hear what I had to say. Sometimes I was sharing because it made me feel important to have the answer. It made me feel loved.

Looking back, I don't think my parents were trying to hurt me. I believe they loved me and wanted what was best for me. They did the best they knew how. They had their own struggles, and I cannot tell their story, but they were probably just passing on many of the things they learned growing up too. What I can say though, is that much of the attention I received as a child was critical, corrective, and often punitive. Like all human beings, I craved love. I began to associate correction, the attention I received, with love. I learned that pointing out what was wrong with people was how you showed that you cared. Because that was the kind of attention I received most often, I began to interpret correction itself as love. Since that was what I experienced, it became how I practiced love.

Today I am glad that I am learning how to love in healthy ways. By practicing the principles of recovery I can accept that love looks different than I thought it did. Love doesn't always have all the answers. Love doesn't always correct others. Love doesn't always point out what is wrong. Sometimes love just accepts people where they are. Sometimes love simply listens quietly as someone tells their story. I still sense myself wanting to correct others or give them advice. The difference is that now I see it. I have a choice. Every day gives me another opportunity to practice a healthier way of loving others. And when I do that I find that I am often the recipient of that same kind of love and acceptance. And that is the greatest gift recovery has ever given me.

Prayer
Father, thank You for not giving up on me. Thank You for teaching me how to love in healthier ways. Thank You for helping me see things I could not see before. Slow me down so I can listen and accept people where they are. Help me to show compassion instead of criticism. Thank You for the love and acceptance I have received from You and in the rooms of recovery. Amen.

05/28/2026

Perfect Timing

Seeing God I’m learning to look for God in the ordinary moments of my day, not just the dramatic ones. Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Matthew 6:8 As an umpire, I have all kinds of gear and equipment I wear for games. Chest protector, shin guards, face mask, steel-toed shoes, jackets for cold weather, rain gear, and different uniforms depending on the conditions....

Seeing God I’m learning to look for God in the ordinary moments of my day, not just the dramatic ones. Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Matthew 6:8 As an umpire, I have all kinds…

05/28/2026

I’m learning to look for God in the ordinary moments of my day, not just the dramatic ones.

Perfect Timing - Seeing God

Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Matthew 6:8

As an umpire, I have all kinds of gear and equipment I wear for games. Chest protector, shin guards, face mask, steel-toed shoes, jackets for cold weather, rain gear, and different uniforms depending on the conditions. Some of it is for protection and some of it is simply part of presenting yourself professionally and showing respect for the game. Living in the desert I have to be prepared for all kinds of weather conditions, sometimes having opposite extremes even in the same day. A few months ago was one of those days. I was umpiring a tournament out of town and it was a very cold morning, so I wore my insulated jacket. As the game progressed, the weather warmed up quickly, and I took my jacket off and left it in a dugout. I worked four more games that day in much warmer weather and completely forgot my jacket.

Honestly, I didn’t even realize it was missing until weeks later when I started looking for it. I checked my car, my uniform closet, local ballfields, and even asked other umpires and coaches if they had seen it. Nobody knew where it was. I figured it was probably gone for good. Then last week, out of nowhere, I got a call from a tournament director asking if I could umpire an upcoming tournament. Before we hung up, he said, “Oh, by the way, I have your jacket.” Someone had found it and given it to him months earlier. I was grateful just knowing it hadn’t been stolen or thrown away. But what really struck me was the timing of it all.

Last night I was umpiring a playoff game. The forecast was for cold weather that eventually turned rainy. I brought my jacket with me and put it on during the game. I stayed warm and dry. Driving home afterward, I found myself thinking about how thankful I was to have gotten it back when I did. The timing was perfect. The weather had been nice for the last couple months. I really didn’t need it then. But I needed it last night. And that simple little moment reminded me how recovery has changed the way I see my life. Before recovery, I probably would have taken the timing for granted and moved on. But I have a new practice now because of my recovery. I review my day each night and look for God in it. I try to notice all the ways, big and small, that He is looking out for me, even when I do not realize it at the time. Getting my jacket back only a couple days before I really needed it reminded me that God was taking care of me the whole time. Honestly, I am so grateful and thankful for that, even more than getting the jacket back. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, thank You for all the ways You look out for me that I do not even notice at the time. Help me to slow down and recognize Your presence in my everyday life. Remind me to be thankful for the little things. Amen.

05/26/2026

Right But Still Wrong

Delivery Matters I may not owe amends for the message, but I do for the delivery. If you’re angry, don’t let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day.Ephesians 4:26 Have you ever said something you knew was true, believed was right, and meant with all your heart, but said it in a way that was not representative of the person you are trying to be?...

Delivery Matters I may not owe amends for the message, but I do for the delivery. If you’re angry, don’t let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day.Ephesians 4:26 Have you eve…

05/26/2026

I may not owe amends for the message, but I do for the delivery.

Right But Still Wrong

If you’re angry, don’t let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day. Ephesians 4:26

Have you ever said something you knew was true, believed was right, and meant with all your heart, but said it in a way that was not representative of the person you are trying to be? I have. In fact, I just did two weeks ago while coaching my daughter’s softball team.

For the playoffs, the league made some last-minute rule changes that I strongly disagreed with. In my mind, the decisions were unfair to the girls who had worked hard and played all season long. As the games unfolded, I became more and more frustrated because I felt like the rules kept changing and the decisions being made were affecting the outcome of the games. During the championship game I confronted the league president publicly and emotionally. And honestly, I still believe the reasons for feeling the way I did are valid.

The surprising part is that we ended up coasting through the playoffs and winning the championship game easily. It should have been a great night of celebration for our team. But instead, I was awake for hours replaying the situation over and over in my mind. I have learned through recovery that when I start spinning in my mind and cannot let something go emotionally, there is usually something deeper going on inside of me. As I prayed and thought about it more, I realized I felt attacked. I felt like I was being ganged up on and dismissed. That is when I saw that my character defect of feeling “not good enough” had been triggered. Before recovery, I never would have stopped long enough to examine that. I only would have focused on proving I was right.

One of the gifts recovery has given me is the ability to honestly look at my reactions instead of only defending them. I still believe in standing up for what is right, but not at the expense of hurting others. I have learned to look at my actions and not just my intentions. I am responsible for how I deliver the message, not just the content. I may not owe amends for what I said or why I said it, but I do owe one for the way I said it. That is something I never would have seen before recovery.

I saw the league president the following weekend at a tournament. I walked over to her, lowered my sunglasses, looked her in the eyes and humbly apologized for my tone and for raising my voice. I apologized for being disrespectful and putting her on the spot publicly. She said “ok”. I have no idea what that may mean. But I know I felt better and that weight was lifted off of my shoulders. The thing I couldn’t stop replaying in my mind finally let go from that moment on. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection
Have there been times when you were so focused on being right that you never stopped to look at how you were delivering the message?

05/21/2026

Not Me Anymore

A Noticeable Change One of the things I’m learning in recovery is that having an off day does not mean I am back to being the old person I used to be. My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19 The other day at work, I was having an off day....

A Noticeable Change One of the things I’m learning in recovery is that having an off day does not mean I am back to being the old person I used to be. My dear brothers and sisters, always be willin…

05/21/2026

One of the things I’m learning in recovery is that having an off day does not mean I am back to being the old person I used to be.

Not Me Anymore

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

The other day at work, I was having an off day. I was short with people, snippy, and clearly frustrated. We were running behind, and I was trying to figure out why. I walked into the hallway and saw two employees standing there. I asked them what their roles were for the day. They started explaining why things were behind, but I interrupted them and said quickly, “I just want to know your role today.” They answered, and I walked away frustrated. A few moments later I asked another employee the same question. She looked at me and said, “I haven’t seen you in a while. You don’t talk to us that way anymore.” The moment she said it, I knew instantly that she was right. I stopped, took a breath, changed my tone, and said, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Then I calmly asked her what was going on, and she explained the situation to me.

As I walked back down the hallway, one of the other employees stopped me and said, “I didn’t appreciate you snapping at us like that. We didn’t deserve it.” Before recovery, I would have gotten defensive. I would have justified my attitude or blamed stress or pressure. Instead, I paused and listened. I looked at her and said, “You’re right. I was wrong. You didn’t deserve that. Please forgive me.” She smiled and said, “No problem. I figured you were just having a bad day. That’s normally not like you.” Honestly, that one comment meant more to me than she probably realized. It showed me that growth is happening in my life. Not because I never have bad moments anymore, but because those moments are no longer who I am. There is a noticeable change that I wasn’t trying to force. It just is happening. Trusting the recovery process really works.

I walked away from that conversation genuinely grateful. Grateful that people felt safe enough to confront me honestly. Grateful that I was able to hear it without shutting down or lashing out. Grateful that I could admit I was wrong and immediately make it right. But more than anything, I was grateful that my behavior stood out as unusual instead of normal. Recovery is not making me perfect. I still have off days just like everyone else. But today those moments are the exception instead of the norm. I am finally becoming the kind of person I had always hoped to be. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, thank You for the changes You are making in me day by day. Thank You that I no longer have to react the way I used to. Help me to stay teachable, honest, and willing to listen when I am wrong. Remind me to slow down and show grace to others. Continue shaping me into the person You want me to be. Amen.