The Gift of Recovery for Me

10/14/2026

Change of View

Start Listening I'm learning that my resentment toward others usually has more to do with my own hurts than anything they've actually done. What a shame - yes, how stupid! - to decide before knowing the facts! Proverbs 18:13 (TLB) A few years back, I was assigned to work a weekend tournament. After completing my games on Saturday, I received a call from the tournament director telling me I was not needed for Sunday because my games had been given to another umpire....

Start Listening I’m learning that my resentment toward others usually has more to do with my own hurts than anything they’ve actually done. What a shame – yes, how stupid! –…

10/14/2026

I'm learning that my resentment toward others usually has more to do with my own hurts than anything they've actually done.

Change of View

What a shame - yes, how stupid! - to decide before knowing the facts! Proverbs 18:13 (TLB)

A few years back, I was assigned to work a weekend tournament. After completing my games on Saturday, I received a call from the tournament director telling me I was not needed for Sunday because my games had been given to another umpire. Then, the following weekend, I was bumped from a tournament I had already committed to, and once again the games were given to the same guy. I was upset because I had been replaced. About a month later, my partner got sick, and this same umpire was called in to relieve him. During the game I watched the way he worked, and I noticed every little mistake he made. I compared myself to him, thinking he wasn't as good as me. “Why would they choose him instead of me?” I was critical of him and it showed. I was curt with him. I'm sure I was a peach to work with back then.

Last weekend, I found myself working with this same umpire again. I wasn't looking forward to it. I still had the same opinion of him that I'd formed years earlier. That began to change when we started talking. Or more correctly, when I started listening. He asked me about myself, and I told him a little about me. Then a thought came to mind. It sounded a lot like my sponsor, but I know it was God. “It is pretty rude to just talk about yourself and not ask anything about him.” So I did. That's when he started telling me his story. He said I looked familiar and asked if we'd worked together before. I shared with him a brief summary of our history. He seemed truly upset about it. He said he never intended to take anyone's games and didn't know mine had been taken away and given to him. He even apologized for it. I realized I had misjudged this man. After listening to him for just a few minutes, I started to see him as a person instead of my opponent.

As I listened, I realized that I had blamed him for something that wasn't his fault, and I had developed a resentment over it. Thinking that this guy was chosen over me pushed my buttons. I felt like I was not good enough. And since I never dealt with it back then, it just hung out and grew. In my hurt and trying to make myself look better, I even made disparaging remarks about him to other people.

After listening to him, I realized I really liked this guy. We share many of the same interests and have had similar life experiences. I had viewed him only through the lens of my own hurt. I'm sincerely grateful that God allowed us to work together. He has given me the opportunity to change my thinking and not remain the same old person. He also gave me an opportunity to make amends. And I did. On top of all that, there's a bonus gift. I have a new friend. This is what working the Twelve Steps and applying the principles of recovery looks like in my life. God is changing my thinking, and that changes how I treat other people. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer: God, help me to listen instead of making assumptions. Show me when my own hurts and character defects are affecting how I see and treat others. Give me the strength and courage to change my behavior. Amen.

10/13/2026

Chicken Legs

Recovery is helping me recognize my old behaviors before I act on them, and I'm learning to listen when God shows me another way. Other Possibilities Exist If you go the wrong way, to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you. It will say, “This is the right way. You should go this way.”...

Recovery is helping me recognize my old behaviors before I act on them, and I’m learning to listen when God shows me another way.  Other Possibilities Exist If you go the wrong way, to …

10/13/2026

Recovery is helping me recognize my old behaviors before I act on them, and I'm learning to listen when God shows me another way.

Chicken Legs

If you go the wrong way, to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you. It will say, “This is the right way. You should go this way.” Isaiah 30:21 ICB

I know this guy, and we get along pretty well. We’re acquaintances. I see him around town and at certain meetings or events I go to. We haven’t really done anything socially together, but he seems like a guy I would like to get to know better and become friends with. I saw him the other day at the park, and he was wearing shorts. I had never seen him wear shorts before. My first thought was to go up to him and crack a joke about his legs and say something like, “People with chicken legs like yours shouldn’t be wearing shorts!”

As I was thinking about how to deliver the joke, a few other thoughts came to mind. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to stop doing? Why be sarcastic and crack a joke? What is it that you really want to say?” It was then that I realized what I really wanted to say was, “Would you like to be my friend?” But that seemed childish and needy to me, so I wasn’t going to say that. As I thought about this, I remembered a recovery phrase my sponsor has said to me many times. “Consider that the possibility exists.” I thought maybe I could try a different approach here. So, I resisted the urge to make a sarcastic joke. Instead, I just said, “Hi, how are you doing?”

Then I thought, I’m the only one who knows what thoughts were going through my head. I never said the sarcastic remark, and I never acted on it. So I don’t owe amends. I can see the progress, and I know there’s growth happening in me because I didn’t act on those thoughts.

It wasn’t that long ago that I had a similar situation with someone else. Except that time, I did make a sarcastic joke. And I didn’t like how I felt afterward. Through journaling and step work, I was able to own my part, identify which core issue was being hit, and address what was causing me to act like that. This is how recovery works in my life. I am not always able to change my behavior right away and never have to deal with it again. Most of the time, after I have done step work and figured out my part, I am given another opportunity to apply my new awareness and put my decision into practice. And that is what happened here. I had the crazy thought, but I was caught mid-crazy thought with a recovery thought. That is growth. That is progress. That is huge for me!

I have had a few other opportunities since then too when I didn’t even have the crazy thought. I just had a recovery thought. I can honestly say that I am grateful that God was helping me. I know it was He that interrupted my crazy thought midway with a recovery thought. I am also proud of myself for changing that behavior. I cannot express how excited I am that God is helping me change. Or should I say that I am finally listening to God in this area? I am really thankful that by surrendering to God and applying the principles of recovery, I am changing. I am a changed person from who I was when I started. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer: God, thank You for speaking to me and showing me another way. Help me to recognize Your voice and follow Your direction instead of falling back into my old behaviors. Amen.

10/12/2026

Sidelined

Getting Back Into the Game. I used to let one mistake take me out of the game. Today, I get back in. Even if good people fall seven times, they will get back up. Proverbs 24:16 NCV I was watching a football game this past weekend when a defender was called for pass interference. It was a costly penalty that eventually led to a touchdown for the opposing team....

Getting Back Into the Game. I used to let one mistake take me out of the game. Today, I get back in. Even if good people fall seven times, they will get back up. Proverbs 24:16 NCV I was watching a…

10/12/2026

I used to let one mistake take me out of the game. Today, I get back in.

Sidelined

Even if good people fall seven times, they will get back up. Proverbs 24:16 NCV

I was watching a football game this past weekend when a defender was called for pass interference. It was a costly penalty that eventually led to a touchdown for the opposing team. The defender came off the field for the next play, but he didn't stay on the sidelines for the rest of the game. He came back in and continued to play his position. Later in the game, he made an interception that gave his team the victory. It was a huge play!

I started thinking that this was a great analogy demonstrating the difference between how I approached life before recovery and how I approach it today because of my recovery. Before recovery, when I made a mistake or did something wrong, I would beat myself up. I would replay it over and over in my head. I would start thinking about not just that one mistake, but every mistake I had ever made. I would pout and feel sorry for myself and allow it to sideline me. Even after the mistake was over, I would continue living in it. One bad play would keep me out of the rest of the game. The game of life.

Working through the Steps has helped me develop a healthier self-esteem. It has given me confidence in myself without being arrogant. I still have shortcomings and I still make mistakes. Big surprise, right? I'm not perfect! But making a mistake doesn't mean I'm a failure. I'm no longer a victim. I don't let my past mistakes define me or keep me out of the game. When I make a mistake, sometimes I am stunned and I reel for a moment. It may take me a couple days to write about something and process my feelings. And sometimes even longer to change behaviors. I am taken out for a play. But when I am finished with my inventory, I make amends if needed and I continue to seek God’s will for me and ask for the power to carry it out. That is me getting back in the game.

Watching that player continue to play and then make that great play encouraged me. I am like that now. I no longer let a mistake keep me out of the game. I get back in and do the next right thing. I may not make a game-winning interception or score a touchdown, but then again I may. Either way, I'm not quitting. The game is not over, and neither is my life. That gives me hope. I don't know what the next play will bring, but I know God will be helping me as I continue doing the next right thing. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer: God, help me to never give up in my own life. Give me the strength to get back up, and the courage to get back into the game. Give me the wisdom to do the next right thing. Guide me in the direction I should go. Amen.

10/05/2026

Wanting to Belong

Hiding Behind Humor I am learning to stop trying so hard to fit in and simply be myself. Those who are without friends, God gives families… Psalm 68:6 The other day I saw someone I knew waiting in line to get some food. This is someone I would like to know better and possibly even become friends with. Right now we are just acquaintances....

Hiding Behind Humor I am learning to stop trying so hard to fit in and simply be myself. Those who are without friends, God gives families… Psalm 68:6 The other day I saw someone I knew waiting in …

10/05/2026

I am learning to stop trying so hard to fit in and simply be myself.

Wanting to Belong – Hiding Behind Humor

Those who are without friends, God gives families… Psalm 68:6

The other day I saw someone I knew waiting in line to get some food. This is someone I would like to know better and possibly even become friends with. Right now we are just acquaintances. I wanted to walk up and say, “Hi, how are you doing?” Instead, I walked up and teased them. I said to the vendor, “You better watch out for this person. You never know what they may do.” They laughed and said, “Better watch out for you.” We chit-chatted for a moment and I left. A couple of days later, I had a similar interaction with another acquaintance I would also like to know better. Instead of saying hello and asking how he was doing, my first words were another sarcastic joke. He smiled and looked away.

That night, as I was reflecting on my day, I thought about both interactions. Why did I tease them that way? Could I have offended them or hurt their feelings? Did my interactions move those relationships closer, like I hoped they would? Those questions led me to another question, a deeper one. Why do I use humor, sarcasm, and teasing when I am trying to make friends? It dawned on me that I do this almost all the time. I tease. I banter. I joke. I use sarcasm. My intention is never to push people away. What I really want is to build closer relationships, but this behavior rarely helps me do that. I have a hard time being open, honest, and vulnerable with people. I am afraid of being hurt. So, instead, I use humor to get attention and protect myself. Unfortunately, it often shows up as sarcasm and teasing.

My recovery tools help me when I recognize a pattern or behavior I do not like. I have learned to stop and ask myself questions. What benefit did I get from it? I thought I was projecting an image of confidence. What need am I trying to fill? I want to be accepted. What am I feeling? I am feeling left out. What do I want? I want to be included. My answers lead me to a common theme. I don’t feel good enough. So, I try to act like the kind of person everyone wants to be around. I sigh. None of this is news to me. Great, my character defects are showing up again. So, what do I do about it?

I start with prayer and seek God’s help. I ask Him to show me how to be vulnerable and how to connect, and to give me the strength and courage to do so. I also ask Him to open a door and give me an opportunity to make amends when needed. I decide to be honest and vulnerable and just say, “Hi, how are you?” I let the conversation determine what comes next and resist the urge to make myself look good. I instead turn it over to God and stop trying to control the conversation. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer:
God, help me to stop hiding behind humor. Help me to be open and vulnerable with people and trust that You will help me to belong. Amen

09/28/2026

A Gut Feeling

Guided by His Spirit God rarely shows me the whole path. He often gives me peace for taking the next step. The true children of God are those who let God’s Spirit lead them. Romans 8:14 We recently came up on our ten-year anniversary of living in our house, and I started reflecting on how God had led us here. At the time, the house we were renting had been foreclosed on without our knowing, and we were suddenly given until the end of the month to move out....

Guided by His Spirit God rarely shows me the whole path. He often gives me peace for taking the next step. The true children of God are those who let God’s Spirit lead them. Romans 8:14 We recently…

09/28/2026

God rarely shows me the whole path. He often gives me peace for taking the next step.

A Gut Feeling – Guided by His Spirit

The true children of God are those who let God’s Spirit lead them. Romans 8:14

We recently came up on our ten-year anniversary of living in our house, and I started reflecting on how God had led us here. At the time, the house we were renting had been foreclosed on without our knowing, and we were suddenly given until the end of the month to move out. We loved that house, the neighborhood, and our neighbors, so being forced out was extremely hard. On top of that, we only had a few weeks to move.

We quickly found another house that we liked, except that it reeked of cat urine. The property manager assured us they would eliminate the smell, so we put down a deposit and waited for it to be ready. We both had a gut feeling that we should wait. But every time we went back to the house, the smell was still there. After two weeks of them repeatedly promising to fix it, and only four days before we were to move in, they told us they were not going to fix it. Time was running out. We needed a place to live and did not have another plan. Walking away from that house at that time did not make any sense at all, but that is exactly what we did. We did not know what would happen next, but we had an inner knowing that we had to say no to that place and, at the same time, keep waiting.

We were all packed and ready to move but had nowhere to go. I started wondering if we had made a mistake. My wife and I got online and found a new listing, one that had just been posted. I sent an inquiry, and the property manager contacted me right away. Once again, both of us had a gut feeling, only this time there was more peace and a knowing with it. We thought this could be why we had been led to wait this whole time, even though it didn’t make sense. When we met with the property manager, I was honest and vulnerable about our situation. He listened, told us he had been doing this a long time, and said he went by his gut. We knew right then it was time to move forward. We rented the house on a handshake and moved in the very next day, with no time to spare. Had we found something sooner, we would have missed this place because it had only been listed that night. That gut feeling to wait really had been God leading us the whole time. This house was what we had been waiting for all along.

God rarely shows me everything at one time. He usually just shows me the next step. There are times when things do not make sense to me. But when I know in my knower that God is leading me, there is always peace that accompanies it. I have learned to pay attention to that inner sensing. It’s that inner prompting, that gut feeling that remains and brings peace, especially when things do not make sense. When I follow that knowing, that is when I know I am following His Spirit.

Reflection
Where have I seen God’s Spirit leading and guiding me, even when I did not understand it at the time?