03/23/2026
From my DiaRy of a MaDman… Methods to Mayhem…
The Fallacy of Control, Part III, The Extended-Release Version (This is a LONG one!)
Ah, sweet denial… the back of the looking glass showing me darkness, and I believe it’s me; the front of the glass showing everyone else their reflection, and they believe it’s how I see them; neither I nor anyone else ever sees the person holding the mirror.
Who do we lie to most? Self. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves; that level of self-love is our governing switch. Likewise, we can only be as honest to others as we are with ourselves. Most lies are told out of fear, and most fear is within an individual and concerns the unknown… that which may come to pass but yet has not. So, what do we do about this dilemma? Hmmmmm?
Fyodor Dostoevsky – Russian author of Crime and Punishment – wrote the following excerpt in his book The Brothers Karamazov: “Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. Not respecting anyone, he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to the passions and coarse pleasures, in order to occupy and amuse himself, and in his vices reaches complete be******ty, and it all comes from lying continually to others and to himself.”
Those who lie to themselves lack respect for themselves. Well, if you don’t respect the Self, you will not respect anyone. And if there is no respect for anyone, including the Self, then all vices are acceptable tools for social interaction. The word “vice” is defined as “an immoral or wicked personal characteristic.” So… what might those be? From whence did they come?
DISCLAIMER: I am going to reference the Holy Bible. If that offends you, change the channel now! Go play a game, or read a book, or braid your hair, or whatever. But do not feel f**kin’ free to post your bias on this page after I warned you. I ain’t trying to convert nobody. My page, my post. Capiche? Nuff said.
The King James Version of the Holy Bible (remember, the one Jesus carried back and forth to Sunday school and Wednesday night prayer service) states the following: “These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.” (Proverbs 6:16-19) The same scripture in the Good News Translation of the Holy Bible, (for you bible enthusiasts, this translation is an absolute MUST, especially for the book of Job), reads as follows: “There are seven things that the Lord hates and cannot tolerate: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that kill innocent people, a mind that thinks up wicked plans, feet that hurry off to do evil, a witness who tells one lie after another, and someone who stirs up trouble among friends.”
These seven abominations have come to be known as the seven deadly sins and have been changed to be worded thusly: pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth. The concept originated with 4th-century monk Evagrius Ponticus, who listed eight "evil thoughts" that could destroy a monk's faith, reducing his original list of nine temptations. In the 6th century, Pope Gregory the Great revised this into the seven commonly known sins, which became utilized by the Catholic Church and the Western world civilization.
All that being said, if you compare the two lists and line them up, you get the following:
a proud look - pride
a lying tongue - sloth
hands that kill innocent people - wrath
a mind that thinks up wicked plans - greed
feet that hurry off to do evil - lust
a witness who tells one lie after another – gluttony (habitual greed)
and someone who stirs up trouble among friends – envy
Shall we elaborate? I think we shall!
1. A proud look, or pride, is simply arrogance. Arrogance is not self-love; it is a defense mechanism to cope with insecurities, more times than not. It is often the individual who thinks so lowly of Self that they are compelled to be a know-it-all or a one-upper or better-than everyone because they feel the opposite. They are desperately looking for a way to fit in, to find their niche, to be accepted and respected and liked and… dare I say it… loved! This pride may also be the person who is the “lone wolf,” who doesn’t need anyone including God, who is a “self-made man,” who thinks he is and does because of Self and Self alone. Again, that’s not self-love; that’s self-worship, and it’s lonely. It’s isolational. It’s narcissistic and needs followers, worshippers, disciples, yes-men, cheerleaders, groupies… in order to maintain security. Humans are not isolational, we are relational, and relational means interpersonal interaction with intrapersonal vulnerability. True narcissists are unable to do so. And to be one’s own god is to remove oneself from relationships and rely on Self for all things including being one’s own cheerleader; this is pride.
2. A lying tongue is an act of slothfulness, because lying replaces effort. Honesty requires effort and risk, walking through fears, willing to face consequences, owning one’s actions and being accountable, responsible. Lying avoids accountability and responsibility, which is emotional laziness and infects the entirety of the body and brain. Telling a lie often means one needs to remember the lie; this leads to practicing, rehearsing; memorizing the wording, the order of the story, the voice tone, the facial expressions and body language; anticipating the responses and questions. This process follows the same biological rule as any other cognitive process and forms new pathways in the brain, meaning one eventually becomes able to truly believe the lie. Given more time, one eventually runs the risk of only remembering the lie and not the truth of that particular matter. Now, this all sounds like effort, doesn’t it? You’re 100% right! Abso-fu***ng-lutely! So how is lying considered slothful? How is this emotional laziness? It’s the exact same as cheating on a test. But not the kind of cheater who simply leans over to see the answers of the person sitting in the next aisle. Nay, nay! This kind of cheater is the person who deems it wisdom to stay up all night creating a cheat sheet of tiny writing on a long, narrow piece of paper that will roll up inside a windable wristwatch (true story, by the way). The watch is disassembled, the cheat sheet is placed inside the watch so that, once reassembled, the cheater can wind the watch in either direction and the cheat sheet will scroll. Genius! The actual time and effort put into a master plan to avoid doing what was judged as too hard, too painful, impossible, useless, daunting, scary, overwhelming… the time and effort – and let’s not forget motivation and excitement – put into being dishonest and deceptive instead of suffering the time and effort to attempt and risk the consequences of being honest and forthcoming; avoiding what seems hard but beneficial by doubling one’s exertion to do what seems fun but wasteful; this is sloth. Oh, by the way, the watch broke during the test; and it really is a true story.
3. Hands that kill innocent people is an act of wrath. Wrath is severe anger, rage, vengefulness, hatred. There are different ways to kill a person besides the most obvious. Killing is violent, and whether it’s mental, emotional, physical, or s*xual violence, all of these are avenues by which to murder the innocent. Sometimes we simply call this abuse, but there is also killing by neglect. When you abuse, you add something to the environment; when you neglect, you remove or keep something from the environment. When someone removes or keeps an individual from being cared for, from being comforted, from being nourished, from being loved, from being safe… it’s the same as keeping air from them so they can’t breathe… but it’s with purpose, intent, motivation, a desired outcome in mind. There is a dark emotional drive to ruin the individual, whether publicly or privately. There is a lust that burns inside that fuels the energy to seek and destroy. The thoughts that initiate this dark path of destruction? “This person is a threat to me. They stand in my way of being the best. They make me look bad. They cast a shadow over me. They are blocking my light. I can’t shine with them around, so they need to disappear.” OR “I am obsessed with this person. I need to have them for myself, and if I can’t have them then no one shall.” OR “I am obsessed with this person. I need to be this person. And if they won’t help me become them, they need to go away.” This is abhorrence, loathing, detestation, execration, rancor, misanthropy; this is wrath.
4. A mind that thinks up wicked plans is an act of greed. Greed is a very powerful driving force. Greed is insatiable, ever-growing, never-plateauing. Greed has no boundaries, no limitations, no reservations, no governing aspects. Greed sees all behaviors as fair, doable, allowable, acceptable, expectable, approvable, agreeable. With greed, anything goes… and it does not just apply to money. Greed applies to the unappeasable desire to be rich in whatever makes one feel better about Self. Greed is not just this lust for what one has not; it is also an ever-growing disenchantment with what one has. Greed says, “This is not enough.” “You are not enough.” “The world is not enough.” “I need more, bigger, better, newer, faster.” “I need to be the best, the most sought after, the most admired… at any price, whether it costs me or anyone else… or everyone.” And this thinking will result in wicked planning… because what is right and ethical and moral has boundaries, and to exceed those boundaries, one needs darker thoughts and more conniving intentions. What’s the old miser’s cigarette motto? “Smoke yours, save mine.” This is greed.
5. Feet that hurry off to do evil is an act of lust. Lust is a kind of desire, and desire is neither good nor bad but just a thing. However, lust defines a significant level of desire. Lust is on the same level as passion, but passion is the driving force that moves an individual toward compassionate achievements; that’s not what lust does. Lust is classified as immoral because… well… it really is just like addiction. Instead of an individual’s mind and will governing this appetite, the appetite governs the individual’s mind and will. Lust puts the object of the appetite at the top of the list… above friends and family (including children), above home and shelter, above safety and security, above food and water, above love and belonging, above money and status, above God and Self. Lust puts the object of the appetite as the single most important aspect of life, the carrot dangling from the stick that is strapped to the dumb ass. Lust convinces a person that this mode of thinking is okay, normal, attributable to one’s upbringing or environment, the result of one’s folly in life, the hand one was dealt, the fate of the living. Lust is such an over-abundant appetite that it might be better understood as an obsession. My mother used to say, “Enough is enough, and too much is nasty!” A mountain woman’s way of teaching moderation, no doubt. Obsessions are thoughts that will not go away and only grow in intensity until satisfied, and they are only satisfied by compulsions. The compulsion is the urge to put the thought into action. But to pursue lust at its own pace, one must be swift-footed in one’s gait. Lust is composed of evil thoughts and deeds, because, again, one is performing at the risk of harming Self and others. To live lustfully, one must go fast and hard, because evil moves at a pace that will not allow forethought; impulsiveness is the soup of the day. And God help anyone who is standing in the way of this individual’s appetite for destruction; this is lust.
6. A witness who tells one lie after another is an act of gluttony, which is also referred to as habitual greed. Gluttony is most often used to refer to over-eating or over-indulging in food or, as the saying goes, punishment. As we have already discussed, greed is an overindulgence, never having enough, never being satisfied. Habitual means repeatedly, constantly, over and over, again and again, in succession. Sometimes it includes the reference to being of habit, occurring automatically. Either way, habitual describes the presence of a pattern, but something that becomes routine, regular, often, frequent, more than average, ingrained, a part of the person… like “habitual speeder” or “habitual offender.” A glutton is never full, never content, always wanting more even if it hurts. A witness who tells one lie after another is never content with the outcome, always needing drama to hold her interest, always scheming a plot twist, planning a sequel, predating a prequel, co-writing a spin-off series, THE SHOW MUST GO ON! And we are talking about a “witness,” someone called upon because they heard and/or saw something considered as evidence or proof of a circumstance… someone called upon who is expected to know the facts of the matter and state them in truth. This is not just an average person telling a lie; this is an identified witness betraying a trust, betraying the role they were given, sh****ng all over the bible on which they swore their oath and the pages in between. A witness is a position of authority, someone who sits in power, because the truth is power, the truth is freedom, the truth is confirmation, affirmation, justification… when a witness – someone who knows the truth of a matter – chooses to lie, that’s an abuse of power, because having the power of truth is not enough for them. They desire more. So they lie – like a dirty, smelly, white, obese, grunting sow lies in mud and s**t, with her t**s sagging from three litters of eight piglets each, gluttonously sucking on broken corn husks and slurping her own p**s in hoof pools… no concern for how she looks or sounds or smells or for her reputation or how far it will travel. And, too, just like the sow, the lying witness enjoys the mire of the pit, the filth, the dirt, the s**t, the p**s, the rumors, the gossip, the harm, the hurt, the drama, the politicalness of it all; this is gluttony.
7. Someone who stirs up trouble among friends is an act of envy. Funny how this one is named last, and theologians have made a point to note such, considering that maybe God viewed this one as the worst of all. Envy is the green-eyed monster; wanting what the other person has. And it’s not so much about poverty wanting wealth; nay, nay. It’s more about wealth wanting what they have and what poverty has, as well. Envy is never satisfied with her capabilities, her talents, her skills, her gifts, her blessings. If Envy is Superman, she’s not satisfied with a cape alone; she wants Buzz Lightyear’s jet pack on which she plans to drape her cape… even though she can fly without either. Envy is only dissatisfied with what she has when something or someone comes along that she perceives as a threat, which means she views this person and/or this/these things as better-than in some way. Envy must eliminate the threat, and she does this by conquering and stealing. And a strategic battle plan for centuries, is to divide and conquer… or stir up trouble among friends. Envy divides friendships so that the so-called friends turn against the perceived threat. (I say “so-called” because, in actuality, if they were genuine friends, this plan is not possible. Genuine friendships endure significant hardships and, worst-case scenario, demand solid evidence of definite betrayal or some form of harm before cutting ties. Sad but true, however, most everyone has a price.) The battle strategy is simple; just like the little gluttony piggy, the rotten fruits of rumors and gossip are the primary ingredients for a proper compost pile to divide friendships. Usually, in the course of battle, the friends whom Envy is trying to separate from the perceived threat are also the people whom Envy is simultaneously attempting to seem to befriend. (I say “to seem to” because Envy doesn’t give a steamy corn-filled s**t about these people; it’s just a tactic… a means to an end.) If Envy is successful in battle, then the perceived threat is ostracized, abandoned, rejected, tossed aside, cut off, shunned, ex-communicated, banished… after which, the so-called friends will be communicating with Envy, relying on Envy for support and comfort while they are reeling from the fictional debauchery they just discovered about their ex-friend. And Envy has the attention she wanted, the position she wanted, the status she wanted, the relationships she wanted, the material items she wanted, the happiness and safety and security and sense of belongingness she wanted… she feels important again, needed, wanted, desired, sought out. She feels smart, wise, cunning, one to be reckoned with. Then the day comes that another perceived threat comes along – often, one of the new-found friends (so-called) gained from the last battle – and then Envy must regroup and strategize once again. The world is never enough; this is envy.
If we rearrange these seven sins so that they fit the human process of thought-produces-emotions-produces-behavior – in the order they naturally occur – we get this:
1. a mind that thinks up wicked plans – greed (BRAIN / cognitions)
2. A proud look – pride (EYES / perspective of the brain or cognitions)
3. a lying tongue – sloth (TONGUE / influenced by the cognitions to act accordingly)
4. a witness who tells one lie after another – gluttony (VERBAL BEHAVIOR / the tongue in action)
5. someone who stirs up trouble among friends – envy (VERBAL BEHAVIOR, ADVANCED STAGE / the tongue in action)
6. feet that hurry off to do evil – lust (PHYSICAL BEHAVIOR / moving toward a goal)
7. hands that kill innocent people – wrath (PHYSICAL BEHAVIOR, ADVANCED STAGE / completing the goal)
All of this rigmarole simply because an individual is not willing to be honest with Self. All of this to avoid the truth. All of this because a person is afraid of Self. When we began, we quoted a passage from one of Dostoevsky’s books, and it included the phrase “in his vices reaches complete be******ty,” referring to the liar. Be******ty, in this sense, is not speaking about s*x between a human and an animal. What is being referred to is “the condition or status of an animal considered simpler or less advanced than a human being” or “display or gratification of be***al traits or impulses” (Webster’s Dictionary). In short, the perpetual liar who chooses to remain in denial and live out her fantasy in real time becomes animalistic, barbaric, vicious, brutish, carnal, savage, crude, sadistic, beastly, gross. Humans are more advanced and are capable of far better behavior; the irony is that, while humans are more advanced and capable of civilized behavior, the animals harm each other less and with no ill intent. Animals live and die by survival instincts; animals don’t live in denial; animals don’t lie; animals don’t disgrace themselves or each other. Humans… well, all you gotta do is admit the truth to yourself about yourself. That’s where it starts. That’s the first step. You don’t have to go on living and believing a lie. You can start now. Or, you can keep doing what you’ve been doing, and I’ll keep bitching about how NASA can teach a fu***ng monkey to push buttons that will take a spaceship into space, orbit a while, and come back down, and all that little s**t wants when he gets home is a banana and a hug. And I’ve met so many dumbf**ks who should’ve been replaced by monkeys.
Respect yourself; tell yourself the truth. You might like the honest version of you.
